Binding Loyalty
by arashic1030
Summary: Lilia is extremely loyal to the Zalas and view them as her saviors, but as Patrick and Athrun's views on war become farther and farther apart, she is forced to face her own ideals that she thought never existed. T for language, suggestive themes. OC.
1. Chapter 1

I'll never forget that day. My awakening, my birth. The two bright, green orbs that had infinite depth to them; those emerald lights that saved me from my dark abyss.

_I sat there, mesmerized by these twinkling, green orbs. After a moment, my hearing senses were heightened as well when an angelic voice accompanied the green miracle. _

_"I'm Athrun. Who are you?"_

_My eyes finally adjusted to the bright lights and took in the rest of the angel's face. My eyes deeply went over his pale complexion, the midnight blue hair that framed his delicate face, the small mouth that rendered his godly voice. I finally registered his outstretched hand, directed at me. I stared at it for a long moment, temporarily not knowing what to do. Then I copied his action, placing my hand in his. _

_"Lilia," I said quietly. "Lilia Axelman."_

_The angel boy pulled me up to a standing position._

_"Axelman? You mean like the name of this church?" He asked, pointing at the sign overhead the steps I had just been sitting on._

_"Yes. The priest here told me to use the name," I murmured._

_"So you live here?"_

_"I live on the steps here. Sometimes people give me money when they come for Sunday services."_

_I felt odd and uncomfortable; I had never conversed with anyone for this long._

_He pondered for a moment. Then, "How old are you?" he asked._

_"I don't know," I admitted. "The priest here said I'm probably seven"._

_"I'm seven too!" The boy exclaimed excitedly. _

_I stood silently, my hand still in the boy's. I looked down, not being able to gaze in the face of someone so bright and glorious compared to myself. Suddenly, I felt a tug at my hand and felt myself lurch forward a step. I looked up, confused, and saw the boy grinning; a sight so bright I felt the need to turn away._

_"Come on!" he declared and pulled me away from the church._

_As we ran to an unknown place, I stared in wonder at the back of my savior's head. My savior, who was pulling me away from the dark, giving me light._

_My savior who finally gave me life._

I opened my eyes, waking myself from the glorious memory. Even now, I could remember close to nothing in my life prior to meeting Athrun Zala. On that fateful day, he had brought me to his home, where his goddess-like mother welcomed me with the most warmth I had ever experienced. I wondered many times since then if that emotion I felt strongly at the time was the so called "love" that everyone talked about.

"Lilia" called a voice, breaking my flow of thoughts.

"Coming, sir" I answered immediately.

I got myself off the couch I was sitting on and went to the door that connected to the office. As the automated door slid shut behind me, I walked up to the desk and saluted to the man sitting behind it.

"Do you need anything, Master Zala?"

The stern look on Patrick Zala's face dissolved as he smiled at me.

"It's that time of year again, Lilia. Your flight to Copernicus City leaves tonight. Go relax and have fun with Athrun and Lenore," he said, holding out a ticket towards me.

I reached for the ticket and said, "Thank you, Master Zala."

I gave him one of my rare smiles and one final salute before excusing myself out of his office.

I walked down the empty hallway, my boots clacking as it echoed off the gray walls. Ever since that day seven years ago, the Zala family had provided me with everything a person could ask for. I still didn't understand the reasoning behind their kindness in helping some worthless, street scum like me. But as it was, a few months after my intrusion in to the Zala life, Athrun's father, Patrick Zala, decided to take me to PLANTS with him to become his personal assistant as he worked in the PLANTS Supreme Council. I embraced this job. I would do anything to pay back even a little bit in return of what this family had given me. As I did my job faithfully, "Athrun's father" eventually became "Master Zala" and he became a savior figure in my eyes just as much as Athrun. Master Zala gave me a place in the world, he taught me the rules of society and he showed me that it was okay even for a person like me to have a standing in said society. He was a stern yet kind man, who always listened to what I had to say, and guided me as I stumbled in this new life of mine. I could tell, being near him, that Athrun's gentle spirit had come from Master Zala just as much as from Lady Zala. Being close to the Supreme Council also taught me many things I didn't know about before, such as "Naturals", or a place called "Earth". When I had first asked Master Zala the meaning of these words, he chuckled at my ignorance and went deep into explanation, additionally giving me the identity of a Coordinator. Although I stayed with Master Zala for the most part, every summer, Master Zala allowed me to take a break and visit Athrun and Lady Zala down in Copernicus City on the Moon.

I finally reached the door to my room, and punched in the code to unlock it. I went to my dresser to pull out normal clothes to change into; as a personal secretary for Master Zala, I was expected to wear the ZAFT uniform so as to differentiate myself from other carefree adolescents. As I slowly stripped myself of the many layered uniform, I looked at myself in the mirror. My emotionless face stared back at me. I had been berated many times by Athrun for my apparent unemotional personality. "You need to smile more!" he had said. But the same could be said for him. He was quiet, reserved. But for some reason he was a social butterfly around me; probably to make up for my rather non-talkative self. As I was fastening the buttons to the pants I had pulled on, a light flashed on my computer, signaling that a new email had come in. I walked over, knowing it was a message from Athrun. Athrun was the only person I emailed; rather, you could say he was my only friend as well. I was never social, and due to my job at an early age, I was surrounded by adults constantly, and even in education I was tutored individually by a ZAFT certified educator. Sighing, I opened the message:

Hi Lilia!

Hope you're doing well. Mother told me that Father is sending you here tonight, I'm really excited! Also, I want you to meet Kira while you're here this time. Yes. THE Kira that I've been telling you about for all these years. He's a pretty laid-back guy, so you guys will get along. See you soon!

-Athrun

Kira…Athrun constantly was telling me about this so called Kira over the years, usually complaining about Kira's dislike of micro-unit studies, or how he always procrastinated on big projects and in the end how Athrun had to bail him out by basically doing the project for him. It seemed like Kira was another person that Athrun wasn't reserved around.

I closed the message, and then proceeded to gather my few belongings into a small suitcase. Turning off the light, I quietly departed from my room to head to the main terminal.

* * *

><p>I reclined in my chair, staring out the window of the spotless kitchen. Lady Zala walked in with a tea set on a tray, setting it down on the table as she situated the dainty cups on their respective saucers.<p>

"Lilia, has Patrick said anything about us moving to you?" Lady Zala asked me as she poured some tea into a cup.

"He's told me of his fears of war, and that he'd like his family to be up in PLANTS with him, yes." I replied.

"Well…"she sighed, "He told me that he wants us to move up there by wintertime. I have no excuse this time, my job load is lessening."

"Athrun…" I said softly, "Does Athrun know?"

"Afraid not," Lady Zala said sadly, pushing the cup of tea towards me. "I'm planning on telling him when it's closer to winter."

I nodded, absentmindedly sipping my tea. It was warm in my hands, just like the presence of Lady Zala in my life. I had vaguely wondered numerous times if this is what having a mom felt like.

"Lilia! Kira's here! Come on!" a voice belonging to Athrun suddenly announced, as he popped out of nowhere at my side.

Lady Zala gasped softly in surprise as I subtly choked on my tea. As I coughed, Lady Zala scolded, "Athrun, mind your manners!"

"Sorry…" he muttered disappointedly.

"Goodness, Athrun" Lady Zala said, half-angry, half-amused as she handed me a handkerchief, "I hear that at school you're so quiet that the teachers worry over you, yet you become so childish when you're around Lilia."

"No, I don't" grumbled Athrun.

"See? Grumbling and complaining. Like a _child"_, teased Lady Zala, breaking out one of her breathtaking smiles while gently tousling Athrun's hair.

Athrun simply frowned at his giggling mother before turning to tug at my sleeve.

My coughing fit finally subdued, I got up to follow Athrun, who's face already had a bright grin on it, no trace of the previous frown on it anywhere. His smile was one of the many mirror images he shared with his mother, and I was blinded every single time by it.

"Thank you for the tea, Lady Zala," I said politely.

Lady Zala waved her hand, "It's nothing. And Athrun," she added in a scolding undertone, "Make sure you and Kira act decently. I'll ask Lilia all about it later", she warned.

"Okay, mother", Athrun said rolling his eyes, then took off, motioning me to follow.

I turned toward Lady Zala one last time, who gave me a wink, before I followed after Athrun.

"Athrun", I asked, "were you listening to our conversation?"

"Uh, no?" Athrun responded as he looked back at me. "Why, what were you talking about?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing important…" I muttered.

"Hmm, okay then. Kira!" called Athrun as he went up the stairs, two at a time.

The door to Athrun's room creaked open, and a small brown-haired head poked out. "A-Athrun? Back so soon? Haha…" the boy, who I assumed to be Kira, laughed nervously as he cautiously kept the door semi-closed.

Athrun's eyes narrowed in suspicion as he advanced toward the cowering boy. He wrenched the door open, much to Kira's protests, and gasped as he beheld his room. I walked forward to see the cause of Athrun's distress and stared in surprise as I saw heaps of paper and clothes strewn all over the floor of his room, uncharacteristic of the always perfectionist Athrun.

"Kiiiiraaa", Athrun began dangerously, turning slowly to face the poor boy.

"I'm sorry, Athrun! Really!" Kira quickly pleaded in a high voice, "I was only looking for that game I let you borrow some time ago, and when I opened your closet, everything came…", Kira paused slightly at Athrun's glare, "tumbling…out…", he finished lamely, peering fearfully at Athrun.

Athrun gave a long sigh before responding resignedly, "Well I can't say I'm too surprised. I should be used to this by now."

Kira looked shocked, as if he was expecting to be yelled at, which, according to my guesses, probably happened very often.

Athrun turned toward me, sighing again, "Lilia…this is Kira Yamato. Kira, Lilia Axelman."

I gave Kira what I hoped was a smile, I still wasn't too used to the action, and Kira nodded at me bashfully in return.

"Kira's our same age," Athrun continued to me, "but he feels more to me like a _younger brother_."

"Hey, I'm four mon-," Kira's protests were abruptly cut short as he caught sight of Athrun's murderous glare.

The sight of Kira cowering before the usually good-natured Athrun was too much for me. I gave out a small giggle, in spite of myself. Athrun looked toward me in shock, I was positive he had never heard me laugh before. What could I say; I'd never heard myself laugh before either. The brief moment of silence was broken by Kira who joined in, laughing brightly. Athrun simply glared at Kira as he said tersely, "How about you clean up the mess you caused before laughing about it."

Kira sharply cut his laughter as he bent down to pick up the loose papers. I giggled once more at the sight of Athrun's totalitarian control over Kira, and knelt down to help him. Kira gave me a big smile, which caught me off guard for a moment. It was blinding, almost as much as Athrun or Lady Zala's. I smiled back uncertainly and gathered up the many papers strewn about the room. Athrun gave a sigh as he began picking up his clothes and putting them back on their respective hangers.

"Seriously Kira, I leave you for, like what, two minutes tops? Is this a talent you have?"

"I'm sorry…"

"Hey! By the way, have you started on your micro-unit independent project? It's due next week, you know. And you always procrastinate."

"Uh…um uh yeah I have. Of course!"

"Kiiira?"

"…"

"Kira! I'm not going to bail you out this time! Do your project!"

"Okay, okay! Sorry!"

I listened to the two friends' badgering, amused, as I stacked the papers I had picked up into a neat pile. Just then a fresh breeze came sailing in from the open window, brushing my bangs back. I closed my eyes and found myself feeling completely relaxed and, almost…happy. I peeked an eye open, peering at Athrun and Kira who were still pestering each other, and smiled sincerely. If only moments like this could continue into the future. If only we could stay together like this, with no threats, forever. If only this serene peace could last for eternity. Because if this peace was ever at jeopardy, it was worth fighting for.

* * *

><p>Summer came and went, and talk of war between Earth and PLANTS became more and more realistic. I heard Master Zala frequently over the phone with Lady Zala, urging her to come to the PLANTS quicker than scheduled. Over time, Athrun and Lady Zala finally moved to Junius Seven, where I was able to meet with Athrun more frequently. However, every time I saw him, I felt that something was missing from the usual Athrun, and I gradually realized it was the absent presence of Kira in his life. I felt something almost like remorse in myself when I realized I couldn't alleviate that loneliness in Athrun's heart. During that time, even Lady Zala was tenser, as she watched the news constantly for more updates on the rumored breakout of war. The PLANTS Supreme Council was busy with discussion, and tension between the Naturals and us Coordinators became even stronger. However, even though I was constantly around the Supreme Council and listening to their meetings, the term "war" was still unregistered in my brain. It was alien. I was skeptical about it. Why would it happen? Earth and PLANTS can leave each other alone.<p>

But then it happened. February 14th. My skepticism turned around to punch me in the face as I watched in horror on the news screen Junius Seven blowing up, shredding the colony into pieces, destroying any evidence of life that had been there. Athrun was safe. He had luckily come for a visit to see Master Zala and I. But one person was missing. Athrun was beside me as we mutely stared at the screen, watching our home being destroyed. Watching helplessly while Lenore Zala died in the explosions that engulfed the colony.

It was then on that Patrick Zala morphed into a completely different man. He no longer smiled, laughed, or showed any indication of positive feelings. His grief over Lady Zala turned his already existing bias against Naturals into a violent hatred, and his sole strive in life hardened into vengeance. He no longer used kind or soft words, and treated Athrun and I both like soldiers. Like strangers, with a built up barrier between us. During that time, I had felt a pang of emotion; probably sadness, at Master Zala's change. But I came to realize it was necessary to avenge the damned, ignorant Naturals, who destroyed the peace that we Coordinators had tried so hard to keep.

Following the Bloody Valentine tragedy, Master Zala immediately had me enlisted into the ZAFT military training. I entered training as the youngest and only female in my grade, gaining skepticism about my abilities and "female weaknesses" from the surrounding people. I emerged victorious, gaining the title of number one in every subject and training material existing in the school. Master Zala was pleased, even more pleased when Athrun came to him later asking permission to enlist as well. We both remembered how helpless we felt watching Junius Seven being destroyed, and we weren't going to let that happen anymore. We would protect PLANTS. For ZAFT. For Lenore Zala. For peace.

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**So I will be using plot elements from Gundam Seed but placing them on my own timeline...**

**This is my first seed fic and I lurvveeee Athrun so obviously the fic must contain Athrun mainly. haha.**

**Please review if you have time, I need constructive criticism!**


	2. Chapter 2

Lacus. Lacus Clyne. I had heard the name numerous times, seen her numerous times, and heard her voice numerous times. But it still surprised me when she appeared in front of me in person, instead of in a huge screen, and was introduced as Athrun's fiancée. Fiancée. Fiancée? My head spinning, I remember willing myself to walk forward and shake her hand, and try my hardest to lift the stupid muscles on my face that never seemed to cooperate in time of need in order to smile. She had given a most dazzling smile in return, her long, pink locks shimmering as she said in a lovely voice, "How do you do?"

I honestly didn't remember what happened after that. But as I stood in front of his desk, Master Zala explained to me that Athrun and Lacus' engagement was needed for political balance, and it was best for PLANTS.

"Do you understand?" Master Zala asked sternly.

"Yes, Master" I responded.

"You met her today because you were chosen to accompany her on the memorial service trip she will be taking in a few months," he continued. "Chairman Clyne felt you were the most eligible for the job and personally asked me for permission to hire you."

"Memorial service trip?" I asked, confused. "For…Junius Seven?"

"Yes," Master replied flatly, his face betraying no emotion. "You will accompany and guard Miss Lacus as she goes to the ruins of Junius Seven to perform a memorial service."

I sucked in my breath, imagining myself having to be within the ruins of the colony, surrounded by death and haunting memories.

"Are you able to do it?" Master asked, his gaze boring into my face.

I stared back at him with my usual deadpan expression.

"Of course, Master."

* * *

><p>Eight months had passed since the official declaration of war, and battle was raging at full blast. Athrun had been sent to the LeCreuset team with four other elite red pilots, leaving our relationship limited to very few emails, and we never saw each other during those eight months. Whenever the rare email from Athrun popped up on my screen, though, it was always about some pretentious sounding idiot named Yzak, who couldn't beat Athrun at anything and yelled a lot, or talking fondly about a Nicol, the youngest boy on his team who had a gentle persona and Athrun treated like a younger brother. Whatever the situation, based on these mails, I saw that Athrun had not lost his humanity from the war, which I was relieved for. But it still struck me every time I thought about it. Athrun was fighting. Fighting in war, along with thousands of other soldiers while I was safe on the sidelines, despite being a military school top graduate. But I couldn't complain. Master Zala needed me now more than ever.<p>

I had known about Athrun's raid on Heliopolis for a while now, and knew he was expected at the Council for a report, but it came as a surprise when he suddenly appeared on the shuttle Master and I were taking to go back to the main PLANTS colony from a short business trip.

My mouth fell open as Athrun and his commander Rau LeCreuset walked in. Athrun looked equally surprised to see Master and I, but quickly regained his composure and saluted. Without turning to look at me, Master Zala said, "You may go sit with Athrun".

I nodded gratefully and tentatively sat next to Athrun, behind Master Zala. When I fastened my seat belt, I looked up to see Athrun's eyes boring into mine. Time had passed, but the distinctive heavenly emerald glow hadn't changed from his eyes. My lips curled up in an attempt to smile, but judging from Athrun's slight frown I had probably failed. Before a word could be passed between us, however, LeCreuset said, "Athrun, tell Chairman Zala about the Strike".

Athrun quickly averted his eyes from mine and said, "Yes, sir".

"I'm sure you know about the fifth mobile suit that we failed to take, Father," Athrun continued bitterly, "but that fifth suit, the Strike, is piloted by a Coordinator."

I looked at Athrun, shocked, and Master Zala turned to look at him with narrowed eyes.

"How do you know this," he asked darkly.

Athrun darted his eyes from his father's steady gaze and stuttered, "Um…uh, well…"

"Because," LeCreuset cut in as he answered for Athrun, "Naturals don't have the ability to pilot the Strike as well as how the current pilot is maneuvering it."

Athrun sighed as he gave a look of relief for his commander's comment. My eyebrows scrunched up in confusion at this. Why did Athrun know anything at all about the pilot of the Strike? He was keeping a secret for sure, but I wasn't about to pull it from him.

Athrun noticed my look, and swiftly put his fingers on my eyebrows, attempting to restore my furrowed eyebrows to their normal position. I felt a pleasant surprise as I recognized this habit, something that Athrun did many, many times to me when we were young, whenever he saw that my face was distorted with confusion. I gave a playful frown as I pried his hands off my face. Master Zala cleared his throat, bringing both of us back to earth, and I looked apologetically at Master, who looked disapproving. That's right. Athrun was _engaged _now.

"I'm sorry, Master," I said sincerely, feeling ashamed of myself and he waved his hand coldly in return.

"In any case, Athrun," Master said, "You will tell the council that the pilot of the Strike is a Natural."

I heard Athrun gasp as he protested, "But Father-!"

"If it is known that the pilot is a Coordinator, it will only cause more confusion and unsettlement within the council. We don't need that right now," Master Zala said with a tone of finality.

"Yes, Father," Athrun responded hesitantly after a moment, and the rest of the ride was spent in silence.

* * *

><p>"This is the suit that I pilot, the X303 Aegis," Athrun explained, motioning at the red mobile suit pictured on the huge monitor. "It's a commander-type mobile suit with heavy attack power and advanced sensors. It can also transform into a mobile armor configuration. Like the other three previously mentioned mobile suits: the Dual, Blitz, and Buster, the Aegis also holds the phase shift armor."<p>

Murmurs and whispering spread out within the Council.

"The damned Earth Force! When did they gain the ability to make these things?"

"So much for Heliopolis being a neutral colony."

"Orb is a respectable opponent now. It is the brain behind all this mobile suit technology!"

"Everyone, quiet!" Chairman Clyne declared, getting up, "let Mr. Zala finish his report."

The noise subdued, and Athrun continued.

"However, there were five mobile suits that we the LeCreuset team were supposed to capture. Due to one of our teammates getting killed during the raid, the fifth and last mobile suit, the X105 Strike, was left at the hands of the Earth Force."

Numerous gasps resonated within the room, and one Council member asked loudly, "And what of a pilot?"

"I have had close combat with the Strike, and the pilot…" Athrun paused hesitantly and instinctively looked toward where Master Zala and I were situated. Master gave Athrun a cold, commanding glare, and Athrun gazed back at his father with a look that said: '_I understand.'_ "The pilot is a Natural." Athrun finished obediently.

Many of the council members looked aghast as they quickly spiraled into argument and heated conversation.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please." Supreme Chairman Clyne called. "Mr. Zala, thank you."

Athrun saluted and went back to his seat next to LeCreuset.

I stared at Athrun with a questioning look. Athrun saw me and gave a half-hearted smile in reassurance, which only tugged at the strings of my concern even further. I continued staring at Athrun while Supreme Chairman Clyne wrapped up the meeting, trying to find hints on his face for all this sudden mysteriousness he was exhibiting. How much could happen during an eight-month period? But then again, my life was changed in one moment of a day. I could only wonder at what happened to Athrun until he chose to tell me.

"Meeting adjourned" Chairman Clyne said, and the hall was immediately filled with the sounds of chairs being pushed back and heated talk of the Strike gundam.

"Lilia, we're going," Master Zala brusquely said to me as he got up from his chair and headed towards the exit.

I immediately got up as well but paused, looking wistfully across the room at Athrun. It had been so long since we last met…When would we see each other next? Athrun didn't notice my gaze, being engaged in conversation with Supreme Chairman Clyne. _Clyne._ My lips sealed into a hard line, and tearing my gaze from him, I pushed in my chair and hurried after Master Zala.

As soon as we got back into his office, Master Zala pounded his fist on his desk, letting out an angry sigh of frustration.

"The Strike must be destroyed as soon as possible!" Master declared angrily as he strode to his seat.

"Master, isn't the pilot a Coordinator…" I asked timidly.

"Any Coordinator who sides with the Naturals, let alone fights for them, is a betrayer to the whole race of Coordinators!" Master retorted bitterly.

"That is correct, Master" I stated, standing motionlessly in front of his desk.

Master peered at me, and then passed a hand over his face, calming himself. "You are a good girl", he said slowly after a moment of silence. "You have always been good; so obedient, so loyal."

I gazed back into his face, worn with stress and numerous sleepless nights; many wrinkles were starting to form. I kept my mouth shut, slightly confused by his sudden change in attitude.

"What do you fight for?" he suddenly asked.

"For ZAFT, for PLANTS." I automatically responded.

Master Zala nodded, looking pleased. "Anything else?"

I hesitated, not knowing if I should speak out my most important reason for fighting the war. Master's unwavering gaze, however, prompted me to speak. I opened my mouth.

"The Zala family", I said, my tone steely.

Master looked at me. His features started relaxing as he let go of the guarded mask he so constantly wore. His face that reflected his kind and gentle demeanor that he always wore before the war started was back. His eyes softened as he said quietly, "Thank you."

I blinked, taking in his words and attitude. But all too soon, Master turned around in his chair, hiding his glorious, nostalgic face, giving me the cue to leave the office.

I saluted to him, and then walked out. When the sliding door shut completely, I let go of my stoic self for once and staggered against the wall, attempting to soothe my soaring heart. I hadn't even noticed that tears had left my eyes until I saw water droplets embed themselves in my hair. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried but it didn't matter now. I pictured Master's face just now once again, the face that held all the gentleness, kindness and respectability that I revered and missed terribly. The face of my master. The one that caused me to follow him so loyally all those years back.

My master, my master. I am fighting for you to come back.

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**I apologize for this chapter being extremely short and not very good, I originally had the next one combined but felt that this was a better way to end it; plus, I'd also like to change a few stuff in the next one. Sorry if this chapter was also heavy on explanation and a bit slow, I'll have more dialogue in the next, and more action will come in future chapters :D I realize that this chapter is kinda choppy and I whip past scenes, but honestly I just want to get past all the boring yet necessary *sigh* intro stuff and get into the meat of the story, where it's more exciting and interesting (I hope), which will be startingish via next chapter.**

**Thank you to each one of you who reviewed, I read them all many many times and they simply made my day :) I'll try my bestestest to make a good story, and of course keep Lilia from becoming a Mary Sue (haha). I also am thinking of changing the point of view to Athrun in some chapters, just to change it up a bit and also make it easier for me to write some parts, what do you guys think? **

**Sorry again for the lame chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey all! I know this is a fast update but like I said previously, I originally was planning to combine last chapter with this, so I already had chapter 3 ready...so why not just upload it? ha! Please enjoy~~**

* * *

><p>"Just keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't get warped away in the space debris or something," Supreme Chairman Clyne casually said as he was signing some documents.<p>

I awkwardly stood there, as Chairman Clyne was addressing me about Miss Lacus' memorial service trip to which I was supposed to accompany her.

"Two other GINNs will accompany you, so you'll have nothing to worry about," continued the chairman as he plowed through signing the papers in the massive stack on his desk, "I felt that Lacus would want female company, and from what I heard, you are supposedly a military school super rookie so I think you're perfect for the job. I had a bit of a hard time convincing Patrick, though."

My ears immediately perked up at the mention of Master's name.

"He kept saying that you were HIS personal assistant and what not, but if you're such a talented and smart rookie, why not put those skills to use, right?"

I simply stared at him, not being able to really connect to his wavelength of nonchalant-ness. After a moment, Chairman finally looked up from his papers and glanced at me.

"Do you ever smile? Or wait a minute. Do you ever, like, you know…talk?"

A bit appalled, my eyes went slightly wide as I continued staring at him, not knowing what to say.

Seeming a bit irked by my silence, the chairman asked more gruffly, "Well, any questions?"

I searched my mind for something to say, and realized I did, in fact, have a question.

"Sir, you said that two GINNs would be accompanying, but will I also be using a GINN at all?"

At the ZAFT school, piloting and maneuvering of mobile suits was my favorite studies, so I was secretly hoping I would be able to ride on a GINN, as I had not yet actually ridden a real mobile suit before. I had gotten top marks on the riding simulators, but being on an actual one was a different story, or so I heard.

Looking pleased that my mouth finally opened, Supreme Chairman said, "I'm afraid not. You'll be expected to be with Lacus at all times."

"I understand, sir." I responded, my hope being instantly crushed. Piloting would have to wait until later, I suppose.

Being more perceptive than I had credited him, Chairman Clyne noticed the slight change in my tone and added, "I'm sorry," with an apologetic smile.

"Oh, please, don't be," I quickly said, "It was stupid of me to ask, I know the purpose of this job was so I would be with Miss Lacus. I apologize for losing sight of the real reason I was hired."

Chairman waved his hand, looking surprised by my longest sentence yet.

"So you talk a lot when you feel flustered, huh…" he mused as he went back to his signing.

I awkwardly scratched the back of my right earlobe, as the sound of Chairman's pen signing on paper filled the room.

"Well," continued the chairman, breaking the silence, "I can tell you are a good person, despite your poker face. I'm sure Lacus will get around it; I trust you with her. Now go get a good rest before you leave tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sir," I said, saluting. "Um…Supreme chairman?"

"Yes, Miss Axelman?" Chairman said, looking at me curiously.

"Am I supposed to go straight to the terminal tonight, or may I go see Master Zala before I leave…?"

Chairman looked at me sadly as he said, "Patrick specifically told me to send you straight to the main terminal. You won't be seeing him until you get back."

"Oh…" I lamely responded.

I felt frozen for a moment, before gathering my senses and saluting, leaving the office quickly. The last thing I saw as the door slid shut was Supreme Chairman looking at my direction with a look of pity on his face.

I sighed, feeling a bit hollow inside. I saluted to the people who walked past me out of automatic instinct as I absentmindedly walked down the long hallway. But I couldn't be dazed for long. For the next three days, I would have to constantly be with the dazzling pink princess. I sighed once again as I braced myself for excessive cheeriness.

* * *

><p>"Haro, haro! How do you dooo?"<p>

My coordinator reflexes managed to stop the unknown mass of pink before it collided with my face. Holding it in my hands, I saw that it was a pink ball. Or, okay, a robot…shaped like a ball? With eyes? And talked? Wait, what the hell was this thing?

"I'm sorry, I guess my Pinky is a little too excited today," a familiar lovely voice said as Lacus Clyne appeared at the doorway of the terminal.

"Pinky?" I said dubiously, then quickly remembered my duty and saluted to her, dropping "Pinky" to the ground.

Lacus waved her hand at my salute, saying, "Please, don't be so formal with me."

I sighed as I watched her pick up the robot ball off the ground. Its eyes flashed, saying, "Lacus!" while flapping its…wings?

Lacus noticed my stare and giggled, holding out the _thing_ to me. "This is Haro. Athrun made it for me."

"Athrun…did?" I asked, as the hollow feeling I experienced earlier crept back into my system.

Lacus giggled, "Yes, and when I told him I liked it very much, he made me more and more! But Pinky is my favorite. I don't know if you could tell, but pink is my favorite color."

I eyed the pop idol flatly, wondering if she thought I was some idiot, or if she really was just a bit of an…airhead. As Haro bounced around the floor, I thought of Athrun, imagining him sprawled out in his room as he set to work on creating these little balls of obnoxious-ness. Well, micro-unit studies had always been his favorite as well as best skill in school.

Two men walked in just then, interrupting my thoughts. I immediately saluted to them, and they returned it promptly.

"I am Thomas Walker," the first one said, "and this is Leon Griffus. We'll be the ones accompanying Miss Clyne on the GINNs today."

I nodded my understanding, and Lacus gave a bubbly, "Thank you!"

The two men, Walker and Griffus was it, looked undeniably excited to be meeting the pop idol superstar right in front of their eyes. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I said, "It's time to go."

The two men saluted and walked out. I stared after them for a bit, looking at their green pilot suits. So they were ZAFT green coats, I suppose, and they were able to pilot a mobile suit firsthand long before I did, and I was a redcoat. Well, in status. I immediately felt ashamed for being immature when I realized I was feeling a bit disgruntled towards the two men, and shook my head, attempting to rid my head of stupid thoughts. I turned towards Lacus, saying "Shall we go?"

Lacus beamed brightly at me, and boarded the shuttle, as I followed closely.

As soon as the shuttle departed from the terminal, Lacus launched right into singing her bestselling song, "Shizukana Yoruni" over and over until I had memorized every single lyric. I stole a glance at her, slightly bemused at how she could sing with such feeling and a look of contentedness on her face when she was singing the same song for who knows how many times now.

Like her father, Lacus was also highly perceptive than I had credited her, and noticed my glance. "Would you like to sing as well?" she asked brightly.

"U-um, no thank you," I quickly said.

"Oh, okay then. Let's have some snacks then!"

"_Snacks?_" I asked incredulously.

"Here!" she said as she handed me an expensive-looking biscuit, all wrapped in fancy paper.

I stared at it for a moment, not knowing what to do.

"It's good!" Lacus declared, and when I looked up, she had already opened her own and munching on it, looking happy as could be.

I sighed, and slowly ripped the wrapping and took out the small biscuit. Taking a bite of it, I realized it really was good, and attempted at a small smile at Lacus.

She gave a dazzling one in return, and took out another one for her to eat.

Lost in eating the biscuit, I stared out the window, being mesmerized by the scape of space.

"What do you think of Athrun?" Lacus asked unexpectedly.

"Excuse me?" I asked, surprised by her sudden inquiry.

"Athrun," Lacus insisted, smiling sweetly, "what do you think of him? You've known him since you were young, right?"

"Uh, um…"I stuttered, not knowing what to say.

Lacus looked at me expectantly, even holding off eating her adored biscuit for a moment.

"Come on!" chirped Haro from the side.

"Um…he's a good guy?" I responded lamely, still confused.

"He is, isn't he," Lacus mused, putting her third biscuit in her mouth.

Feeling relieved that she was satisfied by my extremely lame answer, I put the last bit of my biscuit in my mouth as well.

"What hair color do you think our children would have?" Lacus suddenly asked brightly.

I choked on my biscuit, and stared wide-eyed at her as I attempted to stop my coughing fit that resulted. Did she really have to choose the moment right before I was about to swallow to say something so awkward?

"Oh, my. Are you okay?" Lacus asked worriedly, frantically searching her bag for water.

"My oh myyy!" Haro declared.

"I'm…fine" I rasped, as I cleared my throat a few times.

Lacus looked at me with a concerned look and was about to say more when an announcement came on the small shuttle, "We are arriving at the memorial sight, Miss Lacus; please change into a suitable life suit for space."

I sighed for what felt like the 100th time today as I got up to help Lacus change into her astronaut suit.

* * *

><p>I bit my lip hard, as I watched Lacus throw the huge bundles of flowers we had carried out from the shuttle out in to space. I watched as the flowers scattered around the ruins of the colony we had once called Junius Seven. It was incredible how much debris the colony had created; I had cringed earlier when I saw an empty car float by, its front window smashed to smithereens. I wondered at how much time the people had to react, to even know that their life was going to end in a few moments. The thought of Lady Zala pierced my heart, and I gasped involuntarily, feeling almost nauseated. I quickly looked out beyond the enormous pool of ruins, and beheld the amazing depth of outer space. In the distance, I saw the hour-glass shaped PLANTS, glowing majestically. I clenched my fists, knowing that I would do anything to keep all the PLANTS colonies from becoming like what I was surrounded by at the moment: ruins, ruins, and more ruins. I looked to my other side, and saw Earth, with its brilliant colors of blue and green, and glared, feeling my resolve become stronger.<p>

I looked over at Lacus, who was silently singing, and I saw her mouth form the words "Shizukana…". The two GINNs hovered nearby, their engines quietly reverberating in the silent space. I quietly turned and floated to a nearby ruin of a house whose roof was still intact to anchor myself. Turning slowly to take in my surroundings, I saw something glint in the distance. Squinting my eyes, I let go of the roof and floated farther to see what the shining thing was. As I got closer, I saw it was extremely small, and rectangular shaped. Grabbing onto a loose electric pole to anchor myself, I grabbed at the thing and turned it over to get a good look at it.

My heart almost stopped when I saw what it was. It was a photo, the glass frame cracked in many places. But that wasn't what surprised me; I had seen numerous photos free-floating around the ruins, launched out of their homes from the force of the explosions. No, what shocked me and made my heart burn were the people pictured in the photo. I stared wide-eyed at the photo as a young Athrun and Lady Zala smiled back at me, looking perfectly content. I attempted to control my breathing, which had become increasingly faster, as I beheld the treasure in my hands. Willing myself to slow my breathing, I turned to float back to where Lacus was, hugging the photo to my chest.

All I could think about was of Lady Zala and her gentle, kind heart and her warm smile as I blinked back tears.

Lacus and I wordlessly boarded the shuttle. She didn't ask or say a word when she noticed the precious item I had scavenged, and politely gave me some much needed space as we silently stripped off our space suits and changed back into our previous clothing.

When I finished fastening the collar of my uniform, I worked on picking off the splintered frame off the photo. When it came off, finally, I carefully slid the miraculously intact photo into my breast pocket and floated out of the changing room. Lacus followed noiselessly and we settled into our seats.

We rode in silence for a few minutes, when I noticed a brief flash of light through the window. My eyes narrowing in suspicion, I stared out through the window, waiting for an answer. I gasped when a huge piece of debris moved, clearing my view. There, right in the middle of the ruins of Junius Seven sat a huge, monstrous white battle ship. And it was of the Earth Forces.

Frantically, I scrambled over to the transmission com-link on the wall and punched in the code.

"Walker? Griffus? This is Axelman. Please answer!" I said feverishly as I impatiently tapped my foot, waiting for a response.

"Is something the matter?" Lacus' dreamy voice asked, not noticing the enemy ship in the distance.

"Please stay put, Miss Lacus," I said coldly.

After another moment of silence, I tried again. "Walker, Griffus! Are you there?"

When silence once again responded, I stomped my foot in frustration. I raised my hand to try the com-link again when a sound stopped me. Dropping my hand from the screen, I rushed to the window and gasped as I saw it. It. The white mobile suit that I had seen on the huge monitor during that Council meeting. The one whose mention of the name caused Athrun to act so weirdly. It was there. The Gundam. The Strike.

It was then that I saw the two GINNs together, floating in midair as the Strike lurked behind, unknown to them. Feeling completely, truly panicked for the first time in my life, I reached for the transmission device and practically yelled into it, "WALKER! GRIFFUS! ANSWER ME!"

I heard a slight static as a male voice answered, "What is it?"

"Get out, quick! There's an Earth Force battleship nearby and the Strike gundam is right behind you!"

"What? No way-"

"Hey! What is that?" another voice, presumably Griffus' interrupted as I saw, through the now open com-link screen, his GINN turn around and spot the Strike. My mouth opened in horror, but it was too late. Before I could utter a sound, the Strike had fired and I saw Griffus' GINN destroyed. I could only watch mutely as I saw Walker attempt to fire at the Strike in panic. The Strike simply put up his shield, then lift up its gun. I expected it to shoot immediately, but almost as if hesitating, I saw the Strike motionlessly point the gun at Walker's GINN for a few moments, before releasing the trigger.

Sounds of static filled the com-link as the screen blacked out. Both GINNs were gone. Quickly assessing the situation, I went to the wall, uncovering the camouflaged, small hatch, revealing a tiny number pad. After punching in the emergency code, an automated female voice said, "Converting shuttle into life pod mode in 10 seconds. 10…9…"

I rushed to my seat and frantically said to Lacus, "Put on your seatbelt, Miss Lacus. And hold on tight!"

Lacus simply nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation and did as I told her.

"3…2…1…0"

An ear-splitting unpleasant sound filled my ears as the shuttle disconnected from the changing room and the second protective layer. Lacus and I were jostled around, as the size of the shuttle considerably got smaller, and converted into a small size of a life pod.

Dread filled me as I saw the Strike had noticed us as well, and its head swerved around to look at the life pod floating away. It stayed there motionlessly for a few moments, before straightening out and coming after us. As I saw its hands stretch out for us, I closed my eyes, and apologized in my head as many times as I could for failing my mission and failing Master Zala as well. Lacus Clyne was going to die because of my incompetence and I would be the one at fault for ruining everything for Athrun, Master Zala and ultimately the PLANTS. Not to mention I would never see the heavenly smile and soft glow of Athrun's eyes again…

"I'm sorry, Master. I'm sorry…Athrun." my voice coming out as a whispered whimper as I braced myself for the explosion that would end my life.

But the explosion never came. I opened my eyes, and through the window, saw that we were being whipped past all the ruins with terrible speed, and the huge, white enemy battleship was looming closer. I gasped as I realized that the Strike was_ carrying us to the battleship._

Panic creeping into me again, I sat in my seat dumbly as I vaguely was aware of the Strike arriving in the dark hangar of the battleship, and the dull "thump" and jostling feeling as it set down the life pod we were in. Realizing what was going to happen next, I quickly woke myself out of my daze and lowered the blind on the window to ensure no one would be able to look in. Lacus looked at me with a smile on her face, "I suppose a kind person saved us?"

I simply ignored her, not being in the mood for her nonsense talk.

"Miss Lacus, please stay behind me," I ordered. "Most likely, there will be someone who will try to open the door of the pod as people are stationed behind with guns."

Almost as if on cue, I heard a rattling sound coming from the door, as someone worked on prying it open. I mentally counted the number of clicks. There were three locks on the door.

_Click._ One down.

After a few minutes, a second click was heard. One more…

I turned to turn off the lights in the pod, so that no one would see us exposed when the door opened. I waited in silence for the final lock to open. Lacus stood motionlessly behind me, holding Haro close by. She still seemed confused by my caution, and didn't understand that we were taken into an enemy lair.

_Click._

I sucked in my breath as the door rattled one last time, and then was pried off, filling the pod with light. Just then, Haro bounced out of Lacus' grip and bounded out the door, calling out, "Haro! Haro! I'm happpyyy!"

Before I could stop Lacus, she slipped out from behind me and followed suit her stupid robotic pet, gliding out into the open while saying, "Thank you for saving us."

I wanted to face palm myself but held steady as I heard gasps resonate from outside the pod as Lacus came into view. I edged into a shadow inside of the pod and spotted Lacus, who looked around curiously before saying, "My, this isn't a ZAFT ship!"

My eyes went wide as she dropped the bomb on the already tense atmosphere. All the military officials who were surrounding the pod looked absolutely appalled before getting their guns ready again. I tensed, knowing I had to come out sooner or later. Another few moments passed, and then a man, presumably the one who had opened the door, called in gruffly, "We know you're in there. Get out now."

I took a deep breath, and then slowly slid out of the shadow and into the doorway, keeping my hand on the door to anchor myself.

As soon as I came into view, I heard numerous gasps and guns immediately being pointed at me as whispers wildly filled the hangar.

"She's wearing the ZAFT uniform!"

"Does that mean she's military personnel?"

"Wait, that means these two are Coordinators!"

I looked around uncomfortably at all the men and women who were wearing the Earth Force uniforms, pointing their guns at me. So these were Naturals? It was my first time seeing them. I suppose they didn't seem to be much different than us Coordinators.

"Silence!" a female voice shouted, immediately silencing the whispers.

I turned and saw a woman with shoulder-length brown hair walk towards me slowly. I guessed she was the commander of the ship. Apparently Lacus, who wasn't wearing a ZAFT uniform and was giving off an obvious aura of "I'm not dangerous", was being disregarded. All eyes were on me. I quickly raised my arms, showing that I had no defense, and everyone visibly relaxed a bit. The woman stopped where she was, and continued staring at me, as if not knowing what to do.

I turned my head when I heard another voice of a woman talking loudly. It was a stern-looking woman with short, jet black hair. She seemed angry.

"Yamato, you seem to have a talent in picking up lost items, but now you've brought an enemy onboard!"

Yamato…? Why did that name sound familiar?

I turned my attention to the said Yamato, and felt my stomach flip when I saw him. He was standing by Lacus, who had probably been anchored by him when she free-floated out of the pod.

It was him. The brown hair, the striking violet eyes. I went back deeply into my memories, remembering the young boy with the blinding smile and bright laughter.

It was Kira Yamato.

And that's when it all clicked. Athrun's mysterious knowledge about the pilot of the Strike being a Coordinator. Athrun's uneasiness and discomfort when it came to talk of the Strike. It all made sense now. The symbol of the Earth Force on Kira's blue uniform seemed to loom bigger at me as I realized that Kira Yamato was the pilot of the X103 Strike.

My strong gaze was sensed by Kira, who turned his head to look at me. His face mirrored the dumbfounding shock I was feeling and he instinctively lifted a finger to point at me, stuttering, "Y-you are…!"

"Yamato, do you know this person?" the same black-haired woman quickly asked suspiciously.

"Wha-…uh…"

I focused my gaze on Kira, who appeared to be confused as to what to do, and gave a tiny shake of my head, so slight that only he would see it.

Kira's eyes went even wider, if it was possible, and he gave a slight nod in affirmation of my silent message.

"Uh…no I don't, actually. I must have, uh…mistaken her for someone I knew! Sorry." Kira quickly spouted.

The black-haired woman sighed, and then turned to the brown-haired woman who was still stopped in her tracks a few feet away from me.

"Captain Rameus."

The brown-haired woman, Rameus, snapped out of her daze and looked over.

"I know, Ensign Badgiruel."

Rameus walked over to me and said, "I'll need to ask you and the other…erm, girl over there a few things. Will you cooperate?"

I silently nodded my affirmation, using my usual deadpan expression to the fullest.

Being captured by the Earth Force through Kira Yamato…

In my mind I could already see the straight strings that represented my tie to the war become entangled with each other, creating a mess I couldn't fix. As I followed the woman Rameus, Haro whizzed past me, crying obnoxiously, "I don't want to admit it!"

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**So yeah...there you go, chapter 3...**

**Since the character of Siegel Clyne isn't really explored much in the series I took liberty with his personality, and just kinda imagined him as being similar to his daughter. Hope it wasn't too weird. **

**When I was proofreading through this I realized Lilia isn't as emotionless as she usually is when she's with Lacus...and then realized that's exactly how I wanted it! :D **

**haha...I can be as airheaded as Lacus sometimes...**

**As always, I want to sincerely thank each of my reviewers for reviewing, they truly mean a lot to me and I take each and every one into account as I write my story. A special callout to IgNighted, who pointed out a very stupid mistake on my part haha. I will go back and fix it. I can't believe I forgot about Rusty when I even wrote about him in the same chapter...sigh. Poor guy, always forgotten. So thank you for pointing it out! Also, a description of Lilia's appearance will come shortly, probably next chapter, Oooooh!**

**Now that I've drabbled long enough, one more thing:**

**Please review, I always want more opinions and constructive criticism. So if you're reading this story, please review and tell me how I'm doing, it'll only take less than a minute, and you have nooo idea how happy they make me haha :D **


	4. Chapter 4

"My name is Lacus Clyne." Lacus said simply and sweetly.

"Clyne, huh…" mused a young man with short blond hair, "same last name as the Supreme Chairman of PLANTS…Wait. Does that mean-"

"Oh, Siegel Clyne is my father! Do you know him?" Lacus asked brightly in a bubbly voice.

I somehow managed to resist the incredible urge to face palm myself, but the young man apparently couldn't; I heard a loud smack as his hand collided with his forehead.

"A-anyway, what were you two doing out there?" asked Rameus, the woman captain of the ship.

I glared at the three people in the room interrogating us: Rameus, the black-haired woman Badgiruel, and the young man, I think he said his name was LaFlaga.

"We could ask the same of you," I said in an icy voice.

Rameus fidgeted uncomfortably and gave a sidelong glance at LaFlaga.

"Right, you _could_ ask the same of us, buuuuut…" LaFlaga said in an annoying singsong voice while waggling a finger, "if you haven't noticed, you're kind of…well…captured. So answer our question."

"I was accompanying Miss Clyne as a personal bodyguard while she performed a memorial service for the anniversary of the Bloody Valentine Tragedy," I said as bitingly as I could.

My words rang into the air of the small room, and even the irritatingly cheerful LaFlaga seemed to be affected by it.

"I suppose it would have been better for you if we were caught in the middle of a secret spy mission. Well, sorry", I added sarcastically.

Rameus winced at the comment, and silence enveloped the room again.

"Well!" LaFlaga suddenly said, "We can't really hold you prisoner, but you two are gonna have to stay put here on the Archangel until we know what to do with you."

So the name of the ship was the Archangel. What a fantastic name for a ship of Naturals who capture civilians performing a memorial service.

"So…bye!" LaFlaga said cheerfully as he left the room. Lacus waved to him.

"Well…we'll go too. Don't be afraid to call for us if you need anything," Rameus said as she got up to leave, with Badgiruel following suit.

I simply kept a stony look on my face, causing Rameus to cringe a little as the two women left the room.

As the door opened to let the adults pass, I saw Kira standing out in the hallway, staring at me bemused. Before he or I could say anything though, the door shut, cutting my view of him.

I sighed heavily. What had I gotten us into? I glanced at Lacus, who was giggling to herself, poking Haro as the pink ball rolled side to side. Now that we were still alive, though, my mission was still going. It was my duty to make sure that Lacus Clyne got back safely to PLANTS to her father. But now that we were in a nest of Naturals…I couldn't predict anything.

I walked over to one of the beds in the room, and sat down. Maybe I could sleep…Thinking of my situation and Kira was making my head hurt…

I stretched out, and before I knew it, I was within the realms of dreams.

* * *

><p>"May I come out of here?"<p>

I groaned softly, mumbling from sleep. What? Who was talking?

"May I come out of here?"

I sat up groggily, and turned towards the voice.

"Oh look, Pinky! The door is open! Let's go!"

I was finally coming around when I saw the last bit of Lacus' pink hair disappear out of sight into the hallway. The door was open.

"Shit…" I murmured.

Quickly, I slid my boots back on and ran my hands through my thick locks, attempting to smooth out the tangles, as I followed after the troublesome pink princess.

After jogging down the hallway a bit, I detected Lacus' unmistakable voice coming from what looked like the cafeteria.

"My, who's this strong person you speak of?'

I stopped at the entrance and peered in. Lacus was standing in front of a group of teens in uniforms, except for one girl with red hair, who was wearing a pink dress.

"No way…they didn't put a lock on the door? We can't just have a Coordinator running around the ship! What if she like…does something?" the red haired girl complained loudly with an extremely whiny voice.

"Well, I did ask many times if I could leave the room," Lacus continued happily, "but no one answered, and the door was open so I excused myself. By the way, I'm a little hungry, but is there any food in this cafeteria?" she asked, walking around a bit.

The red-haired Natural backed away, as if Lacus would bite her or something, and said in a downright bitchy voice, "Get away! You're a Coordinator!"

I slowly slipped into the cafeteria, unnoticed, and kept myself against a wall. I saw Kira out of the corner of my eye, distanced a bit from the group; he was staring at them with a look of pain.

"Coordinator?" Lacus mused. She turned towards the girl and stretched out her hand. "I don't believe there is much difference between Coordinators and Naturals. We are all the same, aren't we? Why don't we be friends?" Lacus smiled invitingly, her hand hanging in the air.

"Don't mess with me…" the girl began softly, "Why do I have to shake hands with the likes of you? Why do I have to act friendly with a Coordinator!" she cried angrily.

"Flay!" one of the other girls in the group cautioned.

The girl, Flay, simply ignored the warning and glared at Lacus. I saw Kira flinch when Flay delivered her last line, and he now stood motionlessly. I supposed it was time for me to step in.

"Excuse me," I deadpanned as I walked up next to Lacus.

Flay gave a look of utter horror as she yelped, "ZAFT!"

I gave her one of my murderous glares, and flaunted the Z mark on my uniform with pride as I gently pulled on Lacus' arm.

"Let's go," I said quietly to her.

Lacus gave a small nod, looking slightly sad as she followed after me.

When we had almost reached our room, I heard footsteps running after us. I turned to see Kira run up with two trays of food.

"You said you were hungry, right?" he called.

He stopped when he reached us, and handed us the trays.

"But I wanted to eat with everyone else…" Lacus said softly.

Kira looked pitifully at Lacus as he said slowly, "Well, there are people on this ship who don't…erm, really like the idea of Coordinators."

"But you are kind to us," Lacus responded sweetly.

"That's because…I'm a Coordinator too," Kira confessed, looking down.

"Even if you are," Lacus insisted, "the reason you are kind is because you're you, right?"

Kira looked up, his face red. I quickly assessed that I should make myself invisible and slipped into the room, unnoticed by the two teens. I sighed. Lacus sure had a knack in making things awkward.

I stared down at the food Kira had brought, and felt my appetite fade away as I thought about the inevitable conversation that Kira and I would have sooner or later. My heart pained as I remembered Athrun's solemn expression. He had been fighting against Kira, his best friend, for almost four months, without even telling anyone…

Just then, the door slid open again, admitting Lacus. Haro bounced around excitedly as Lacus said happily, "Kira is a very kind person."

So they had exchanged names. How lovely.

Lacus began eating her meal in her bubbly state, when she suddenly stopped and looked at me.

"Are you going to eat?" she asked.

I looked down at my untouched tray of food and pushed it towards her. "No," I said simply and went back to my bed to sleep. I was feeling oddly irritated and could tell my usual aloof personality was becoming slightly turned the other way from the stress of the situation.

* * *

><p>The days blurred in my mind on the Archangel, and I found myself become even more infuriated with the Earth Force. The Archangel had been caught in battle with ZAFT, and as a last resort, the woman Badgiruel had used Lacus' name to stop ZAFT's attack. I was vividly aware that it was the LeCreuset team that headed the attack, and I felt only hot frustration at my helplessness as I imagined Athrun's anger at Lacus' confinement. How typical of the Naturals, to cowardly find the easy way out by using Lacus as a hostage. Any respect, if at all, that I had garnered for the commanders vanished that instant as I heard Badgiruel's voice over the intercom. To make things worse, Flay, the irritating civilian, had basically gone mad over her father's death during the attack and was spouting off even more nonsense and hate against Coordinators. I had once gone out of the room, a day after the attack, to get water for Lacus, and passed by her room when she saw me. She gave me a simple yet deathly stare, then without warning let out a piercing shriek. Startled, I had rushed back to my room as she screamed about how the "ZAFT witch" was going to murder her like her dad. Only one thought passed through my head as I heard Flay's unrelenting screams, and that was that Lacus and I had to get out of this ship. Quickly.<p>

The night after the incident with Flay, Lacus insisted that she wanted to go for a "walk". I had grudgingly agreed, as I knew Lacus was not the type to want to be cooped up in a room all day.

I followed after her, watching her long, pink hair sway in rhythm as she walked. We strolled in silence for a few minutes when all of a sudden, a low, strangled yell was heard from our left. The memory of Flay's screaming still fresh in my mind, I wanted to turn back immediately, but of course Lacus ventured towards the noise, entering the door. Sighing, I followed after her, the door closing quietly behind me.

I saw in surprise that the source of the noise was Kira, who continued to give out a pained howl, banging his fists against the glass window panel. Consoling people was the least in my area of comfort or expertise so I stayed motionlessly in my spot as Lacus went down to where Kira was. I watched pathetically as Lacus surprised Kira with her presence and talked to him, comforting him with gentle words as the deep furrow on Kira's forehead slowly eased. I soon realized my presence would do nothing and turned to leave.

"Wait, Lilia," called Lacus, stopping me as my hand lay still in midair, reaching for the door button.

I turned reluctantly, and saw Lacus giving me a light smile while Kira wiped away remnants of tears in his eyes.

"Come join us," Lacus suggested softly, and I complied, walking down the steps to the platform where the two were situated.

I stared at Kira blankly, a hundred questions burning in my throat yet unwilling to come out of my mouth. Kira stared back, his expression unreadable as the crease began reforming on his forehead.

"So I take it you two know each other?" Lacus asked gently, breaking the tension in the air.

"Uh…um, yes. From a few years back," Kira replied hesitantly.

"Is that so…" Lacus mused, looking at me curiously.

I could bare the small talk no more.

"Why are you fighting for the Earth Force?" I blurted out bluntly.

Kira looked at me, an aggrieved expression defining his face.

"Why?" I insisted, emotion getting the better of me. "Why are you fighting against your own kind? Why are you fighting against Athrun, your best friend! You're a Coordinator! There's no reason for you to be in the Earth Force!"

My cries rang out into the silent room, and I stared desperately at Kira.

"Kira…" I said softly, "leave this place. Join ZAFT. Please. For Athrun."

Kira continued gazing at me for a long moment before saying with a pained smile, "You say the same things as Athrun…"

I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.

"But I can't", Kira said firmly. "There are people on this ship, my friends, that I want to protect no matter what."

"Even if it means fighting, no, killing Athrun?" I asked, a hint of menace in my voice.

Kira looked down, his bangs covering his eyes. Moments of silence passed as I glared at the auburn head before me. Kira finally straightened and looked at me squarely in the eye.

"Even if", he declared solemnly.

With equal sincerity, I vowed back, "Then keep in mind that if the day comes that you decide to shoot Athrun Zala, I will shoot you first."

We gazed at each other, unrelenting, until Lacus' soft touch on my shoulder broke me out of my staring match.

She gave a sad smile as she said, "I sincerely hope for the day when none of you will have to fight each other."

Kira nodded slowly, refusing to meet his eyes with mine as he stared at the ground. I took a deep breath, and stepped to the side to stare out the window into the deep span of outer space. My headache was returning.

The tension in the room gradually decreased, and Kira suddenly exclaimed to Lacus, "Wait, do you know Athrun?"

"Yes, Athrun Zala is the man I will eventually be married to," Lacus replied sweetly.

I heard Kira gasp as he stuttered, "I-Is…that so…"

Lacus giggled.

Suddenly, a shrill cry of "Torii!" broke me out of my trance. Turning around, I saw a small, green, robotic bird circle overhead before descending to perch on Kira's shoulder.

"Torii?" it said, cocking its head at me.

I stared at it questioningly and Kira answered, "Athrun gave it to me before he left for Junius Seven."

"Oh, Athrun made a pet for me too!" Lacus said excitingly. "This is Haro!"

"Haroharo, how do you dooo?" Haro sang happily from Lacus' arms, its eyes flashing.

I glanced between the two of them, realizing I was the only one who had not received a robotic creation of Athrun's. A hollow feeling spread out within me as I listened to Lacus telling Kira about the various antics that her many Haros at home caused. Perhaps I wasn't as special to Athrun as I considered him to me…

"Uh, Lilia? You okay?" Kira asked, interrupting my thoughts.

I shook my head, realizing I had been in a blank daze and said quickly, "Yes."

"Oh, okay," Kira said. As if realizing something, he continued staring at me curiously.

"Um…?" I asked uncomfortably at his gaze.

"Oh, sorry…I was just thinking," Kira said thoughtfully, "that you look…kind of like-"

"A dark Lacus?" piped up Lacus.

Startled, Kira stammered, "Uh, um…yeah, that's actually exactly what I was going to say, but how…"

"When I learned Lilia was going to be my bodyguard, I asked Athrun what she was like, and that's how he described her," Lacus said happily.

"Excuse me," I cut in, annoyed, "but can someone please explain what "dark Lacus" means?"

Kira looked frightened by my taciturn expression but attempted to explain, "Um, I guess what it means is that you look like a darker…version of Lacus."

I raised my eyebrows coldly and Kira quickly said, "O-Of course you're your own person! I just meant…that…uh…" He trailed off, at loss for words.

I sighed. I suppose the statement had truth, though. My hair, which was grown out and similar to Lacus' in length, was black, a striking contrast to her bright pink locks. And my eyes, which were deep blue like Athrun's hair, were shadier than Lacus' light, azure ones. The description "Dark Lacus" fit perfectly personality-wise as well. I sighed again. That's exactly what I was, though. A shade. And Kira was wrong. I was not my own person. My only reason for existence was to serve Master Zala, and he was far away at the moment, while I was captured by our most-hated enemy: Naturals.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," Lacus said worriedly.

"No, please don't be," I said softly.

It amused me, though, despite my heavy heart, that both Athrun and Kira had used the same expression to describe me. I smiled a little at the thought, and the action seemed to relax Lacus and Kira.

"Miss Lacus," I continued, keeping the small smile on my face with effort, "please stay and talk longer with Kira if you'd like. I will go back."

Lacus beamed at me, and I turned to leave, my head throbbing even more.

As I walked down the hallway, I began thinking of various ways I could escape with Lacus. From what I heard, though, the Archangel had no other suits other than the Strike. Escaping by stealing a mobile suit was out of the question, then. My thoughts were broken when a passing soldier glared at me, saying loudly, "Get out of here, ZAFT bitch."

He quickly scurried away, as if afraid that I might retaliate against him. Coward. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you Naturals doing who-knows-what at Junius Seven…

I finally reached the room and sank down into the bed, plotting more possible escapes, growing drowsier by the moment. I was vaguely aware of Lacus entering the room a while later, and finally sank into restless sleep.

* * *

><p><em>I saw Master Zala in the distance, his back turned to me.<em>

_"Master!" I called out, but he didn't turn._

_"Master! Master Zala!" I tried again, but he gave no indication of hearing my voice._

_I ran forward, but no matter how much or how fast I ran, Master Zala remained the same distance away from me._

_"MASTER!" I screamed out desperately, panting as I tried to catch my breath. _

_Exhausted from running, I fell to the ground face first, tears mingling with sweat. _

_"Master…" I whimpered into the ground._

_"Lilia", a stern voice said._

_My eyes widened as I recognized Master's voice._

_Renewed hope and energy coursed through my veins as I scrambled up off the ground. But my heart almost stopped when I saw Master's face. He was livid. Never had I seen him so angry, so venomous, so…monstrous._

_In a voice that chilled me to the bone, he said slowly, "You will never betray me."_

_I began shivering. What was he saying? Why would I ever betray Master?_

_Master started laughing, his face morphing into a crazed look. _

_"You can never betray me! Why? BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO ESCAPE FROM ME."_

_My breathing accelerated, I began backing away from him in a panicked frenzy. But Master suddenly appeared right behind me, placing his hand over the middle of my back._

_"Never…" he whispered frighteningly, as I felt his nails dig into my skin._

I got up with a gasp, drenched in cold sweat. I took deep breaths, attempting to calm my racing heart. What was that all about? I shivered again, remembering the pain of Master's nails piercing my back. Wait, pain? It was a…dream. I tentatively slipped my hand underneath my night shirt and touched my back, but all I felt was smooth skin. I sighed as I looked at the time on the wall. Two in the morning. All was quiet in the room, except for the sounds of Lacus' even, steady breathing. My heartbeat finally slowed to its normal pace, and I gingerly used the bedcover to wipe off the beads of sweat that had collected on my neck and face.

Just as I was willing myself to go back to sleep, the door suddenly opened. Forcing myself to get a grip, I slid out of the bed, prepared to take down the intruder. I gasped as the light from the hallway revealed the trespasser to be Kira.

"Kira?" I asked dubiously.

Initially not seeing me emerge from the shadows, Kira gave a startled jump, then said in a hushed undertone, "Wake up Lacus. I'm getting you guys out of here."

"Wait, _what_?"

"This…this just isn't right. I can't go along with this anymore. You guys aren't hostages."

I stared at Kira intensely, then said slowly, "Do you understand what doing this means? Do you really understand the gravity of such an action?"

Kira looked down, but said firmly, "Even then, I have to."

"Kira," I said quietly, "they could put you to death."

Kira flinched, but his voice remained calm.

"Lilia. I understand what I'm doing. Please let me do this."

I stared into his violet gaze, which was steady with his commitment. I finally nodded, and turned to gently shake Lacus awake.

Within a few minutes, the three of us, Lacus and I fully dressed, were quietly running down the empty hallway towards the hangar.

"Just a bit more…" Kira whispered to us as we cautiously went past open rooms holding sleeping soldiers.

We went on silently for another minute or so when Kira suddenly pushed us both into the wall.

"Shit," he muttered.

Attempting to cover us, he smiled nervously at whoever was in the hallway.

"Kira? What'cha doing there?" asked a young male voice.

"Haha…nothing really", Kira laughed uneasily.

His attempt to hide us, however, was ruined the next moment when Lacus poked her head out from Kira's side and waved cheerfully. Kira gasped and looked in horror at her majesty I-can't-read-situations. I sighed and peeked over his shoulder, and saw that we had been discovered by two people supposedly our age, the same people in the group at the cafeteria a few days ago. One was the young man Kira had been talking to, who had short, cropped hair and wearing glasses, and the other was a girl with short, brown hair.

"Kira…what the hell do you think you're doing…?" asked the male in a serious tone.

"Sai, Miriallia," Kira said resolutely, "let us pass."

The two Naturals looked at each other, troubled, then back at us, their eyes trailing over Lacus and me.

"Please," Kira pleaded softly, "I can't do this anymore. Just pretend you didn't see us."

Finally, Sai said slowly, "Kira…we're going to help you."

"What? No-"

"We're going to help," Sai cut in firmly, and Miriallia nodded from his side gravely.

Our party of three was turned into five as we hurried down the corridor to the changing room to get life suits. I watched both amusedly and shocked as Lacus stripped down right in front of Kira to change, as I hid around an open locker door to change my own clothes. After carefully extracting the prized photo of Lady Zala and Athrun from my uniform, I slipped on the baggy, awkward life suit. When I had finished and came out from my hiding spot, I did a double take as I saw that Lacus had gathered her skirts inside of her life suit on her stomach, so she looked…well, many months pregnant. Rolling my eyes at Kira's blushed and flustered face, we proceeded to the hangar where the Strike stood waiting. I craned my neck as I stared at the face of the gundam, its blank eyes staring off ahead. This was the gundam that was causing ZAFT so much trouble, and yet now I was being saved by it. Shaking my head at the irony, I floated up to the cockpit alongside the other four.

After Kira got into his seat, Sai helped Lacus into the cockpit, and then turned to me, looking confused.

"Uh…" he said hesitantly, glancing toward the cockpit which obviously had reached its space limit with two people. Lacus, who was nestled on Kira's lap, seemed oblivious to Kira's bright, red cheeks as he fiddled with the controls awkwardly around her.

"I'll ride on the Strike's hand, outside," I said.

"What! That's dangerous!" Sai protested.

I gave him a small smile and said quietly, "It being dangerous doesn't really matter at this point, does it?"

Sai frowned, but accepted my words and nodded, as Miriallia floated up next to him.

We all turned as Lacus' voice called from the cockpit.

"Thank you so much for helping us. I hope we can meet each other again sometime soon," she said happily.

Miriallia laughed resignedly as Sai said, "Yeah…I don't know about that."

"Lilia," Kira called as the robotic arm of the Strike slowly rose up to my level.

I gave the two Naturals who had helped us one last look.

"Thank you," I said sincerely and both of them smiled warmly.

"Thanks, Miri, Sai…" Kira said as I stationed myself firmly on the huge palm of the Strike.

"You better come back, Kira!" Sai suddenly cried with emotion as the Strike revved up the engine.

"Promise me that you'll return! Please!" he continued as a few mechanics rushed into the hangar, drawn by the noise the Strike was making.

Kira looked at his friend determinedly and declared, "I'll return. I promise."

And with that, he flicked the door of the cockpit shut and the Strike glided forward on the launch platform.

"What the hell is going on here! Hey! HEY! WAIT!"

"Captain Rameus! Yamato is leaving on the Strike!"

I looked back towards Miriallia and Sai, who were now being spotted by the panicking mechanics down below. I grasped on to one of the fingers of the Strike firmly as the gate of the hangar opened, and hung on for dear life as the giant Gundam launched out of the Archangel.

Maybe, just maybe…if the friends that Kira had to protect, even to the point of fighting against Athrun, were all like Miriallia and Sai…then maybe he had a point. Maybe they were worth protecting, worth staying on a ship full of Naturals when you were a Coordinator.

The Strike proceeded forward for a few minutes in the dark cosmos, then eventually stopped, raising its gun with its other, unoccupied arm. I sucked in my breath, knowing that we were waiting for someone from ZAFT. Kira had most likely contacted the nearest ZAFT ship and demanded that one person come pick us up in exchange for Lacus' safety. And if the Archangel had been fighting against the LeCreuset team just a few days ago, then it most likely meant that Kira had specifically called for one person…

My guesses were deemed correct as I saw a red Gundam looming in the distance. It was the Aegis. It was Athrun. My heart was tempted to leap with joy at his appearance, but dragged down by the shame that he even had to come all the way out here to bail us out of the result of my failure in carrying out my job.

Eventually, the Aegis came to a full stop in front of the Strike, and the two Gundams simply floated motionlessly. Finally, the sound of mechanical doors sliding open was heard as I saw Athrun come out of his cockpit. The cockpit of the Strike opened as well, and I saw Kira give Lacus one last, sad smile before gently pushing her towards the Aegis. Kira then looked at me, and we stared at each other for one, long moment, knowing what we wanted to say to each other yet couldn't. I finally mouthed the words, "thank you" and turned to float to where Athrun stood with Lacus. I felt Kira's gaze boring into my back until Athrun surprised us all by suddenly shouting, "Kira! Come join us!"

I quickly turned to look at Athrun, who had an unmistakable look of anguish on his face.

I could hear Sai's pleads replaying in my head as Kira shook his head in a jerky manner. When he looked up, I could see unshed tears glistening in his eyes. I bowed my head as I knew what he was going to say next.

"I can't, Athrun…" he began softly. "I have friends on the Archangel…friends that I want to protect!"

Athrun glared at Kira before saying in a trembled voice, "Then next time we fight Kira…I will be the one to shoot you."

Kira evenly matched his best friends' gaze as he responded "As I you."

Kira then glanced at me, as if to remind me that he had not forgotten my vow to him. Before I could acknowledge it, though, Kira had snapped shut his cockpit, hiding himself from the rest of us. I saw Athrun's jaw twitch under his helmet as he stared at the Strike. Feeling a wave of sadness at witnessing an end of an innocent, sincere friendship, I floated over to the arm of the Aegis, knowing I would have to ride on its hand, too. After a few moments, Athrun ushered Lacus into the cockpit, then came forward to me, most likely to protest my seating arrangement. I waved him away before he could say anything, and ultimately my flinty expression led him to retreat. Hearing the cockpit door snap shut, I gripped the thumb of the Aegis, bracing myself for the return trip. However, as the mobile suit turned around to go back, unlike Kira, Athrun placed the Aegis' other hand over me to create a protective barrier overhead, so in the case I lost my grip, I would not float out to my death.

I watched the Strike become smaller and smaller through the slits of the Aegis' hands and sighed sadly. "Goodbye…Kira," I whispered, as the white Gundam eventually became a small speck in the distance.

* * *

><p>Knowing I should allow Lacus and Athrun some privacy, as soon as the Aegis docked on the Vesalius, I sprang out of my spot on the Gundam's hand to change out of the ugly life suit and back into my ZAFT uniform. I vaguely heard Athrun calling for me as I floated down to the ground, but ignored him; he had better things to do. I wandered around the unfamiliar ship, looking for a transmission device to contact Master Zala with, to tell him that Lacus Clyne was safe, to apologize for my huge mess-up, to apologize for my incompetence, to apologize for letting him down…<p>

It was a decidedly small ship, and I had soon toured the whole first landing without finding any communication device. Giving up, I leaned against the wall, staring vacantly out the windows that lined the blank, white hallway.

"Lilia? Lilia!"

Was Athrun still looking for me? Why wasn't he with Lacus? I quickly turned to walk away, but soon I heard Athrun run up behind me, calling "Lilia! There you are!"

I gave up, stopping in place as Athrun reached me and grabbed my arm.

"Where were you? I was looking all over for you!"

I turned my face slightly to avoid his mesmerizing, emerald gaze.

Noticing my discomfort, he quickly let go of my arm, and peered at me in concern.

"Are you okay? I did my best to make sure you would be alright riding on the Aegis' hand, but I'm sorry if-"

I raised my hand to stop him. Finally mustering the nerve to look into his face, I quietly said, "I failed my mission. Lacus probably doesn't realize, but the two pilots on the GINNs that day died. And Lacus almost did, too. I don't deserve to be alive like this."

Athrun's eyes widened as he heard my words. "What are you saying…" he whispered.

I cast my eyes down to the floor, unable to look at his face anymore.

I stayed in my position for a few moments, when suddenly I felt Athrun grab my arm and pull me into a tight embrace. I gasped as Athrun murmured into my ear, "You didn't fail at anything. Stop being so harsh on yourself, please."

I closed my eyes. Athrun was too kind for his own good. I let myself indulge a bit more in his arms, as I pleasantly felt his hands rubbing my back in a soothing circular motion. Athrun was so warm, so glorious…

All too soon, the image of Lacus and Master Zala came into my head. Snapping my eyes open, I quickly squirmed out of Athrun's grip and backed away from him, looking down, feeling guilty.

"I'm…sorry," I stammered as I quickly fled the scene, mentally slapping myself for being so selfish and stupid. Lilia Axelman, remember your place, your duty, your strive, the purpose of your existence.

Seriously. What was wrong with me lately?

* * *

><p>I successfully avoided Athrun over the next few days as we returned toward the PLANTS and I heaved a sigh of relief as the ship docked, allowing Lacus and I to leave. I stared ahead as Lacus gently kissed Athrun on the cheek in farewell, then give me a longing glance before being pulled away into a car by her father's officials. The officials glared at me before climbing into the car as well. Sighing, I darted away before Athrun could even notice I was gone, and hailed a taxi back to the Supreme Council Office. No one had come to pick me up, but that was only to be expected. Master Zala was busy.<p>

Before long, I found myself standing in front of Master's office door, hesitating with my hand raised to knock on it. I had failed the Supreme Chairman. But most of all, I had failed Master. How was I supposed to face him? Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door. After a few moments, I heard Master's familiar voice say, "Come in."

The door slid open, and I stepped in the room. Master Zala didn't give any indication of acknowledging my presence as he continued staring at something on his computer screen, typing away at his keyboard. I tentatively took a few steps forward, then swallowed and continued my way up to the front of his desk. Putting my right hand up in the form of the usual salute, I said, "Lilia Axelman, reporting for duty, sir."

Master's hands stopped mid-typing, and he turned his head towards me. When he looked at me, memories of my nightmare aboard the Archangel sprang into my mind, and I quickly bit my lip to avoid having a look of fear cross my face.

Master stared at me before saying coldly, "I believe you understand fully the failure of your job, and what happened, and what could have happened."

I nodded silently.

"Supreme Chairman Clyne," he continued, "has been merciful enough as to say that you did well under the pressure of the emergency, and would like to thank you for returning his daughter to him in one piece."

My face frozen in my usual impassive state, I nodded once more.

"I'll say no more. Perhaps it was my fault that you didn't seem to understand the gravity of the job when you took it on."

"I apologize deeply, Master Zala. I am prepared to meet any further repercussions," I said solemnly.

Master nodded, turning back to the computer screen, but his hands remained motionless. Taking the moment of silence as a chance, I asked timidly, "Master Zala…?"

He glanced at me in response, and I slowly slid the photo I had found at Junius Seven out of my pocket. Carefully smoothing it out, I laid it out on the desk in front him, saying softly, "This is for you."

Master's eyes widened, and he looked at me in shock.

"I-I found it by chance in the ruins of Junius Seven. I would like you to have it."

Master touched the photo gingerly, his finger pausing momentarily on Lady Zala's face. His expression then turned cold, and he said in a chillingly sarcastic voice, "How funny, Lilia. I have something to give you as well."

Cocking my head in confusion, Master Zala got up out of his seat and said briskly, "Follow me."

Master led me to a deep basement, many levels below the office building; I didn't even know it existed. He eventually stopped at a huge gateway, and placed his palm on the reader to unlock it. The gate gave an ominous click before sliding open. Master ushered me in quickly, and shut the entryway, enveloping the both of us in darkness. The room, having an air-lock system, had no gravity, and I immediately felt my feet lift off from the ground. My initial instinct of panic quickly subsided as lights flicked on, and I gazed in wonder around me as I comprehended that we were in a huge, underground hangar. But then I focused in on what was in front of me. Shock engulfed me as I realized what it was. Easily ten times bigger than I was, an enormous Gundam stood before me, looking cold and dark with its Phase Shift Armor off. I stared in awe, floating in the hangar dumbly.

"This is a top military secret," Master Zala said gruffly, "it contains a new technology, the N-Jammer Canceller."

"N-Jammer…Canceller?" I whispered, staring up at the face of the giant killing machine.

"As the name suggests, it will negate the effects of the N-Jammers. At the moment, two other suits are being developed with the same abilities" Master Zala explained coldly.

"Master Zala", I asked, eyes wide, "why is this coming to me?"

"No one, except those in my secret engineering faction, knows about the abilities of this suit." Master Zala said darkly. "Therefore," he continued, "you are the only one eligible to pilot this machine. The others think it is a normal Gundam designed like that of the Earth forces we stole. The council knows nothing of the Cancellers."

I stared at him, speechless.

"Does this mean I'm leaving your side to go to war, Master?" I asked quietly after a moment.

Master looked me in the eye.

"Yes," he said gravely. "You are too skilled of a pilot to leave here on the sidelines."

He turned to leave.

"Lilia, the X08A Loyalty is your responsibility now," Master Zala declared with his back turned to me. "And don't _ever_ use the N-Jammer Canceller technology. For now."

With that, Master Zala floated away, leaving me to ponder my predicament alone in the dim hangar. After a few long minutes of silence, I finally gathered my senses and kicked off the ground, floating to the face of my new Gundam. The expressionless face stared ahead of me, its eyes empty and cold.

"So your name is Loyalty?" I asked the inanimate machine. I stared down at its massive hands and body, wondering at its capabilities to kill, murder, strip families apart, destroy cities…I sucked in my breath suddenly, snapping me out of my thoughts, and wordlessly floated down to the exit, leaving my new partner to slumber in the dark for a while longer.

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**Ugh. I seriously had the hardest time writing this chapter, I don't even know why. So I'm really sorry for it being a pretty monotonous and boring read despite the events that happened...sighhhh. Hopefully future chapters to come won't be so hard to write, especially since I'm going to veer off the original seed plotline a little. **

**Anyhoo, Lilia has a gundam now, wooooo! Of course, the "other two mobile suits" with the n-jammer technology that Patrick was talking about is the Justice and Freedom, but Lilia gets her own limited edition earlier haha.  
>I would say more but my mind is jumbled up and stressed in trying to fix this chapter to no avail lol.<strong>

**Sooooo, as always, thank you thank you thank you to everyone who reviewed; I am going to list everyone who reviewed just as my own way of saything thanks from now on, so Thank you very much:**

**IgNighted, ZhiZhu, Shenhu, ZGMF-XA-880Salvation, Alyssa, liltrix, and Xx Meisha xX.**

**Thank you all so much, and as always, please leave a review as they make me more euphoric than drugs ever could. lol. **

**I'll try to get over my mini-Writer's block by next chapter and make it muuuch better than this one!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Before you read, I should warn you that this chapter contains more...cussing than the previous chapters. So if it offends you, just tell me and I'll, uh moderate it a little haha.**

* * *

><p><em>Athrun stood; his navy, blue hair waving in the wind, loose strands dancing across his face. His beautiful, emerald eyes pierced through my body. I felt he could read my every thought, every wish, every emotion. His perfect lips parted, and his divine voice filled the air.<em>

_"Lilia."_

_My heart soared as I heard his heavenly voice utter my name. But then his expression changed; he looked…sad. Remorseful. _

_He walked forward in slow, delicate steps as he said, "Lilia, the most beautiful and strongest quality you hold is your loyalty."_

_I listened silently, anticipation and confusion building at his words. _

_"But that loyalty," Athrun continued, "…will eventually kill you."_

_What?_

_"Lilia, my father is like a poison to you, you need to-"_

_No, no! Stop! What are you saying! Get away from me! You're not Athrun! _

_I covered my ears desperately, and shut my eyes as well when I realized I could read the movements of his mouth. _

_Stop…stop…STOP!_

My eyes flicked open, and I saw the familiar shape of the lamp on the ceiling as I slowly sat up, rubbing my forehead. What was with these weird dreams I was having lately?

Loyalty…

The word got the gears in my brain moving, and reminded me that I was due at the underground hangar in about ten minutes to continue practice on moving the Gundam. My Gundam. My X08A Loyalty. This practice had been going on for about three days now, and I was itching to actually fly in space with it, but it was impossible in the hangar, and Master wouldn't allow it. So I limited myself to walk around in it, and get used to the controls. I hadn't even been allowed to turn its Phase Shift Armor on yet, forcing me to still guess at what color it was. Warily, I got out of my bed and put on my newly acquired Redcoat to head down to the hangar.

* * *

><p>Master Zala was still searching for a ship to place me on, as it seemed that many commanders were wary of carrying around someone so close to the Supreme Council. Perhaps they were afraid of being controlled. How stupid. Master had wanted me to join the LeCreuset team, but the team already had four redcoats, all of which each had their own Gundam, so Commander LeCreuset had politely declined the request for my admittance. I was careful not to let my disappointment show when Master told me the news.<p>

Word from Athrun had decreased dramatically since we last met, as his team was busy with their mission to destroy the Strike. I was concerned for Athrun's mental and emotional state because of that, but the few mails I received from him betrayed no weaknesses.

It was about a month after my admittance to the Vesalius was declined that I received an extremely brief, blunt message from Athrun that Nicol Amalfi had been killed at the hands of the Earth Force. From his previous messages over the past two years, I could tell that Nicol was like an anchor to Athrun that had kept him sane amidst the tarnish of warfare; I could only guess at how much grief he was in over him. The day after I heard the news, Master called me into his office.

"LeCreuset contacted me this morning," he said stiffly. "You are to be stationed at the Vesalius to replace Nicol Amalfi."

I wanted to cringe, feeling tremendously guilty that my wish had been granted at the cost of Athrun losing someone very dear to him.

"Yes, Master," I replied quietly.

Looking unpleased by my half-hearted tone, Master continued, "You are to leave immediately, and arrive there tonight; I have dispatched a message to LeCreuset."

"Yes, Master," I repeated.

"You're excused," he finished simply.

Excused. I was excused. I was to leave his office now.

So, that was it? I was being sent to the frontlines; I could very likely die. I might never see Master Zala again…and now I was being sent out of his eyesight as if nothing had happened between us.

"Master…" I whispered out loud without realizing.

Master Zala looked up at me, and his features softened ever so slightly.

"Lilia, I expect you to check your email aboard the Vesalius every night, as I may need to contact you every so often. Losing an assistant has its downfalls."

My eyes widened, and I looked at Master dumbly.

"Use the Loyalty wisely."

Recovering from my shock, I nodded my head vigorously. With the Loyalty, I would pay back Master's kindness by protecting the PLANTs and defeating the Naturals. I would do it. For Master Zala. My commitment solidified, I saluted and turned to walk toward the door. As I raised my arm to open the door, though, I heard Master call, "Lilia, one more thing."

I turned to look at Master Zala once more.

"Don't die", Master said, his expression fierce.

I looked back at him steadfastly, and saluted once more with new vigor.

"Yes, Master," I declared.

And with that, I left the office.

* * *

><p>I sat in the cockpit of the Loyalty, waiting for the machine to fully come alive. Finally, the screen in front of me turned on.<p>

"Generation Un…restricted…Nuclear Drive Assault…Module?" I read with difficulty as the words splayed out on the screen.

So the term "Gundam" had been an acronym as well; I should have guessed. A few seconds later, the screen read, "Activate Neutron-Jammer Cancellers?"

I stared at the screen mutely, wondering at the power I held. I had under my control the power to use nuclear weapons, weapons that had been banned and forbidden from use in warfare. I quickly pressed the no button before my mind could create any harmful ideas. Besides, when I had been rewriting the OS for my usage, I had made it so that the N-Jammer Cancellers could be used only for the purpose of being powered by nuclear reactors, nothing else. If I used the nuclear power as weaponry…I shuddered at the thought.

The huge gate overhead slowly opened, as ten or so more gates up above opened in sequence as the passageway out of the underground hangar fully cleared. My hand trembled a bit as I grasped the accelerator, but I bit my lip and steeled myself. Pushing the button to activate the Phase-Shift Armor, which turned the Loyalty into a deep, purple-black color, I pressed down on the foot pedal, launching upwards out of the hangar. After flying upwards for a few minutes in the long tunnel, I finally emerged out into space, outside of the colony. I watched as the gate slid close, locking me out of the place I had called home for so many years. Giving the PLANTs colony one, last look, I turned around, and headed in the direction of the dot on my map that represented the Vesalius.

As I pressed forward in the dark cosmos to span the few hundred miles to the Vesalius, I realized that I had forgotten what it was like to feel completely, literally alone since the days of my livelihood on the Axelman Church steps. There were no ships around, just complete darkness and the occasional debris floating by. I vaguely wondered where the Archangel was now, and whether it was roaming the dark void like I was now. Dark. Lonely. Nothingness. I pushed those unneeded thoughts and emotions aside and thought instead about Athrun, and that I would see him in a few hours, causing a natural smile to play on my lips.

Approximately three hours later, I saw the blue Nazca ship in the distance, signaling my goal. In the next few minutes, I was within the radar of the Vesalius, and quickly linked to the ship.

"This is Lilia Axelman; requesting acceptance into the Vesalius."

A few moments later, a male voice accompanied with a static replied, "Access code?"

"ZAFT Access code number 528491, please."

"Request accepted. Please enter through the left hatch."

The transmission ended with a low bleep, and the left hatch gate of the ship slowly grated open, and I cautiously flew into my new to-be home and waited as the docking machine locked the Loyalty into place and moved me into the hangar. Opening the cockpit once the Loyalty was stationed, I grabbed my small suitcase from under the seat and used the rope wire to get to the ground. As soon as I landed, I was instantly surrounded by mechanics who were full of questions of the Loyalty and about me. I held my hand up, and satisfied by the amount of respect I maintained from their immediate silence, I asked, "Commander's quarters, please?"

"I-I'll show you there!" a young, nervous yet determined voice declared.

I turned my head to see a boy who couldn't be much older than me with his hand in the air, staring at me unwaveringly.

"You go, son!" an older mechanic chuckled brightly, clapping the younger man on the shoulder, "Didn't think you had it in you!"

"Ummm, yeah. I'll go now?" the boy murmured testily. Raising his voice, he motioned to me, saying, "If you'll follow me, I'll show you to Commander LeCreuset's room!"

Uncomfortably, I called out, "Um, actually…"

The boy turned, looking at me questioningly.

"I'd like to change into my uniform first…" I said timidly, pointing at the tightly-fitted space suit I was wearing.

The small crowd of mechanics, mostly middle-aged men except for the boy, burst out in rambunctious laughter while the face of the boy began to resemble a ripened tomato.

"R-right! I'm sorry!" he apologized in a high-pitched squeak.

I sighed and walked towards what I assumed was the locker room, leaving behind the still-laughing, boisterous men.

Putting my uniform on with experienced speed, I walked out the other door that led to the hall, and saw in surprise that the boy mechanic was waiting for me. Before I could utter a word in gratitude, however, the boy gaped at me and began panicking, "Ah! You're a Red? Wait…wait wait wait wait wait! That means you're the new pilot! Wait, but…but you're a girl! Wait…_are_ you the Vesalius' new pilot?"

I stared at him blankly and blinked, trying to register his words and excessive repetition of the word "wait". He stared back at me just as blankly and I realized I hadn't answered his inquiry.

"Why else would I come here in a Gundam," I replied coolly and the boy nodded in deep affirmation, as if I had said something amazing.

Then the boy gasped, "Oh, right! I'm supposed to be showing you to Commander's room. My bad! Follow me!"

The boy started walking backwards as I followed him down the hall, and began chattering excitedly.

"Wow…so you're the new pilot! That's so cool! Wait…what's your Gundam's name? Wait, don't tell me! Um…let's see…Revelation? Armory? Aren't Gundam names always random-ass big words like that? Wait…those names actually sound legit! Wow, this might be a talent of mine! Wait wait wait! Whad'ya think of the name 'Tutankhamen'! Isn't that totally a badass name for a Gundam? They should really make one with that name!"

Still not able to be on his same tension level, I simply stared at him. Finally sensing my unresponsiveness, the boy glanced at me, then clapped his hands over his mouth in horror.

"Wait! Wait wait wait wait…Are…are you mad because I said something about you being a girl! It's not like I was surprised you were a Red or our new pilot because you were a girl- or wait, maybe I was…but that's not the point! I don't have anything against girls or any stereotypes about them being weaker or anything, it's just that I was surprised because this ship is all dudes and you know-"

"Wait." I said slowly, cutting off the boy with his favorite word.

"Oh…" the boy said, peering at me nervously, "Did you not know that the Vesalius is 100% male-manned?"

I stared stupidly with my mouth open for a bit, before coming back to reality and snapping at him, "So what?"

"Ack! Sorry!" he quickly amended, before jumping right back into his nonsense rambling.

"I really don't have anything against girls, though! In fact, I think everyone on the ship here will be happy about getting a female crew member! Especially since she's pretty!" He smiled at me invitingly, as if the statement would break the ice, and I stared back coldly.

"Uh..ahem….um. Wait! Wait wait wait wait wait!"

I sighed. Is this what people called, "annoying"?

"I haven't even told you my name yet!" the boy cried.

He hurriedly walked up to me and stretched his hand out, saying, "The name's Clayton Clark!"

I wearily reached to shake his hand, and he grasped it firmly with both hands, shaking my hand happily in a bumpy, up-down motion. I eyed him flatly, taking in his short, cropped blond hair and hazel eyes which were sparkling with merriment.

He turned around to continue along our way, before abruptly turning once more and exclaiming to me, "WAIT!"

This guy was wearing me out more than Lacus was. And that was saying a lot.

"Wait, wait! You haven't told me your name yet!"

"Lilia Axelman, now please get me to the Commander's room," I replied sharply.

"Lilia, huh? Pretty name! And, haha, we're here!"

We stopped in front of a wide door, and the boy Clayton Clark waved to me cheerfully as he turned around to go back down the hall from where we came from, calling happily, "I'm sure we'll talk again soon! Until then. Bye, Lilia!"

As soon as he disappeared from sight, I staggered against the wall and breathed, "Holy…shit…"

People like Clayton Clark tired me out more than anything. In fact, I don't even know if he was healthy for a unsociable person like me. I took a good, long few minutes of relaxing myself before I felt powered up to open the door. Taking one, last deep breath, I straightened my shoulders, made sure my hair looked presentable and pressed on the buzzer. LeCreuset's distinctive voice answered, "Come in."

The door slid open to admit me, and I stepped in to confront the man who was to be my commander.

"Lilia Axelman, reporting for duty, sir," I said, saluting to him.

"Welcome, Lilia," said LeCreuset, "I am Rau LeCreuset. I've heard many good things about you from Chairman Zala; I'll be looking forward to your work."

I cringed inwardly at the sound of his voice. There was something about it I didn't like…Like there was a double meaning in everything he said. The fact that he wore a suspicious- looking mask really didn't help, either.

"Yes, sir," I said.

"I really don't have much to say," he continued. "I'm sure you don't need or want any extravagant introductory messages. I guess you can go on ahead to the pilots' lounge to meet your fellow Reds, although, I suppose you know one of them more than well enough…Go on. They're waiting for you."

Nodding and saluting once more, I turned and exited out the office, eager to get out from the mysterious man's presence.

Honestly, I wasn't looking forward to meeting my fellow red pilots, aside from Athrun. But I held back my thoughts. Everything was for Master Zala.

I walked down the little corridor, took a deep breath, than pressed the button to open the door to the lounge.

The sound of the door hissing opening stopped two boys who were conversing in mid-sentence, who in turn stared at me. One had shockingly silver hair styled into a bob cut, with fierce, azure eyes. The other had a more casual stance, with dark skin and blond hair combed back, emphasizing the lines and ridges of his face. The other occupant of the room was Athrun, who looked at me in utter shock. I sighed; I had forgotten that I had been called so suddenly that there hadn't been time for Commander LeCreuset to relay to the crew who exactly their new teammate would be.

"A…girl?" said the silver-haired pilot incredulously in a dangerously soft voice.

"Yzak," warned Athrun quickly, but it was too late.

This guy, no doubt Yzak, strode up right to my face and began screaming away.

"So for reinforcement to defeat the Strike we receive some stupid bitch with long hair and smooth skin! I bet you spend more time combing those stupid locks of yours than thinking about the war!"

I stood there silently, waiting for the ordeal to finish. The other two stood motionlessly in their respective corners of the room while Yzak continued yelling obscenities into my ears. Mostly about how I was female and didn't know how to fight or understand war. Finally, he stopped mid-sentence, and suddenly grabbed my shoulders. With his face inches from mine, he hissed, "I know you were sent here to fill in for Nicol. But keep in mind that you could never, _ever_, replace Nicol Amalfi."

His voice trembled slightly on the last words, and I saw something akin to tears forming vaguely in his eyes. With a haughty "hmph!", Yzak pushed me away like a ragdoll and strode out of the room.

"Yzak, wait!" called the blond as he shot me a cold glance before exiting the room to follow Mr. I-need-anger-management-therapy.

I stood silently, rubbing my shoulders absentmindedly where Yzak had grabbed them until Athrun woke me from my brief trance, "Are you okay?"

I hadn't even noticed that he had walked toward me; his delicate eyebrows were scrunched up in concern. I nodded curtly while also observing that he looked a good deal more tired and thin than last time we had met with Lacus onboard.

"I was really surprised, I didn't expect you to be the new pilot," Athrun mused as he peered at me curiously. "I was kind of out of it when Yzak was yelling at you; sorry for making you go through that."

"Don't be," I said simply, picking up my suitcase that I had dropped sometime during Yzak's temper show. "So could you show me where my room is?" I asked, motioning to the suitcase.

"Umm, about that," Athrun said uncomfortably, "Another reason I was surprised by your appearance was because all the reds are supposed to share a room, and naturally I thought…" Athrun trailed off, his cheeks turning a shade of pink in embarrassment.

I let his words sink in.

"So I'm rooming with the three of you," I stated flatly.

"I…I guess so. There's not enough room on the Vesalius, and there's no other female crew members," Athrun muttered.

"Well, okay then," I said indifferently.

Why would it matter? Gender shouldn't matter in war. We were all soldiers, and when we died in battle no one would care whether we were male or female. That's how it worked. All they cared was how many Natural ships we had sunk or, how many Natural mobile suits we had exploded. The worth we soldiers held was measured by the number of badges we attained through successfully carrying out orders; nothing else. So be it.

I wordlessly followed Athrun out into the hall and walked a short distance to the lower level, where the bunking quarters were.

"This is the room for us Reds," Athrun said, opening the door. "The code is 1030; not too hard to remember."

I walked into the dark room, and saw two bunk beds stacked against opposite walls, with a door leading to what I guessed was a bathroom in the corner.

"This side," Athrun said, motioning to the right, "are Yzak and Dearka's bunks. So you'll be sleeping on the left side on the bottom bunk. I'm in the top one."

I nodded, realizing that I was going to be using the late Nicol's bedding space. I bit my lip, the guilty feeling coming back over me in an instant wave.

As if reading my mind, Athrun said quietly, "Just ignore Yzak. You're not a replacement, nor is Nicol being replaced. It's all right. Don't be feeling guilty or stressed about it."

I looked at Athrun wide-eyed. How did he always know how and when to say the right words to me?

Mustering the courage, I asked tentatively, "…What happened to him?"

The pained expression that had become such a common feature for Athrun since the start of the war showed itself on his face as he stated cuttingly, "Kira."

"Huh? No, I mean what happened to Nicol…wait… Are you saying…?"

"Kira killed Nicol," Athrun stated once more in a half-strangled voice.

I gave a sad sigh, sensing nothing but foreboding for the future of Athrun and Kira's relationship.

"Athrun, this is war-"

"I know it's war! But that doesn't mean I'm just going to let him get away with murdering Nicol as if nothing happened, damn it!"

I felt something almost like fear when I saw his eyes; they were cold and hard, like Master Zala's eyes.

"I will kill Kira," Athrun said in an icy voice, and with that, he strode out of the room, leaving me in the dark.

I stared at the door Athrun had left through for a long minute, half considering following him, but decided better of it before giving myself a little pinch and turning on the light. I was in the middle of setting up my personal laptop computer when the door opened again.

"Athrun-" I called hopefully, but cut myself off as I turned to see two figures standing in the doorway.

"What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing. Here." Yzak spit out with gritted teeth.

I sighed and shut my laptop, safely stowing it away under my bunk.

"Get out of my room!" Yzak yelled.

I looked him squarely on and corrected, "_Our_ room."

Pleased that, for once, Yzak had been rendered speechless, I proceeded to take out the remaining belongings in my suitcase. Within a few moments, however, the demon had recovered.

"What the fuck do you mean, our room! Do you even know what you're doing! No, you wouldn't know, you stupid bitch! Don't be acting all high and mighty around here just because you're all nice and cozy with Athrun!"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, and steadily ignoring him, continued on sorting out my belongings. I could see him quivering with anger out of the corner of my eye. Before Yzak could yell another word, though, the blond stepped up and said, "Um, isn't this kinda…against ZAFT protocol, though?"

Without even looking at him, I simply said, "I think me being sent here to an all-male ship is already a breach to said protocol."

"Then get out of here!" Yzak yelled.

Finally feeling truly pissed, I got up from the bed and walked up to Yzak.

"If you feel so concerned that having a _girl_ in your room is going to distract your hormonal, youthful self so much, then go fucking whine to your commander and room with Clayton Clark instead," I hissed.

Yzak's eyes widened and he faltered, softly stuttering, "What-why…how the hell does Clark fit into all this-"

Giving him one last glare, I kicked the foot buzzer to the door open and stalked out. Not knowing where I was heading, I simply strode ahead for many minutes until I heard a voice call out, "Hey! Wait!"

I took a deep breath and made myself stop and turn around to see the faithful, tan-skinned blond that followed Yzak everywhere run up to me.

"I know your pissed and stuff, but uh, you know…Yzak's just kinda like that. Always. Please let it go? We're all kinda still shocked over Nicol and stuff, so…"

I sighed and said, "Yes, I know. I'm sorry…for losing control. Um…?"

"The name's Dearka", the blond said with a flashy grin, holding out his hand. "Dearka Elsman."

"Lilia Axelman," I said quietly, grasping his hand for a shake.

"Well," Dearka said, leaning backward as if to get a better look at me, "kinda funny you know about Clark already, since you got here, like what, less than an hour ago? Annoying little turd, isn't he? But he's a competent mechanic, so I guess he'll have to stay."

I nodded silently, wanting to end the conversation so I could go find Athrun, wherever he was, so as to seek refuge from all this.

"I know Yzak's mad- well, when isn't he- but you know, _I_ don't really mind rooming with a chick," Dearka continued, throwing me another toothy grin and a wink.

Great. So my new teammates included a crazed anger-freak, and a…a _womanizer_?

"Is that so. Later, Elsman", I said tersely and quickly turned to descend the steps to my right that went to the lowest level of the ship.

The room I entered had a group of rowdy Greens surrounding a table, playing cards. So the Vesalius had room for a _recreation room_ but not extra bunking rooms? Everything was just getting more and more ridiculous the second. Did this ship really have high mission success rates? The Greens all turned to look at me incredulously, and one of them, with an expression that slightly disgusted me, said in a dreamy voice, "A…girl…It's been sooo long…since I've seen…"

I quickly turned and fled the room, jogging past Dearka who was still standing out in the hallway, grinning stupidly at me, and pressed forward, feeling agitated and cornered. I didn't even know where I was going, and a few minutes later was surprised to find myself at my base starting point: the hangar. I swear I could almost hear angels singing when I finally spotted Athrun by the Aegis, fiddling with something on the cockpit door. As I took a step forward to enter my haven, though, I sensed some foreboding threat. Cautiously turning, I saw the most unwelcome sight coming closer and closer to me: Clayton Clark. He was immersed in some papers he was holding, and I quickly bounded forward to get to the Aegis before he saw me. Luck was not on my side, however, as I heard his obnoxious voice call out, "Oh! Wait wait wait wait wait! Is that you, Lilia? Heeeeeey!"

I bit my lip extremely hard, and rigidly turned to face him as he came running up to me happily, waving cheerfully. As he stopped in front of me, though, his countenance turned slightly into that of fear as he took in my facial expression.

"Uh…you…okay?" He asked nervously.

I jerked my head up and down with difficulty.

"Wait! Wait wait wait wait! You're bleeding! From your mouth!"

I automatically touched my lips and saw a small smear of blood spread out on my fingers. Perhaps I bit my lip a little too hard.

"Don't worry about it…" I muttered when I saw Clark still staring at me.

"Um, if you say so…But hey! Wait wait! Want me to show you around the ship? I can give you a grand tour!"

I felt almost guilty in feeling annoyed at him when I saw his sparkling eyes, but I had had enough in the past hour.

"Um, maybe later…I-"

"Aww c'mon, don't be a downer! Let's go!" Clark exclaimed, reaching for my arm.

Instead of Clark's grasp on my arm, however, I felt a soft, gentle touch on my shoulder instead.

"Actually, Clayton, I have business with Lilia, if that's okay?"

I jerked my head to the side to see Athrun standing beside me, smiling amusedly.

"A-Athrun!" Clark yelped, "Of course! I-I'm sorry for bothering you!" He gave a clumsy salute and stumbled off.

I heaved a sigh of relief, suddenly feeling immensely tired.

"Over here," Athrun said in the gentle voice of his, as he took my hand and led me to the Aegis.

We sat down on a bench at the base of his Gundam, and sat in silence for few minutes, a time of quiet and peace that I welcomed so much. This was why Athrun was so great.

After a while, Athrun spoke up quietly, "Sorry about walking out on you earlier…It's just that whenever I think of Nicol and Kira, I-I just…"

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry for asking," I said, smiling slightly. As I turned to face him, though, Athrun gave a small gasp.

"You're bleeding," he said, touching my lips.

I instinctively retracted from his touch, and Athrun quickly withdrew his hand, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink.

"Sorry…" he muttered, pulling out some tissues and handing them to me.

I took them and wiped my bottom lip carefully, getting rid of the gore.

After a moment, I asked, "Is there nowhere on this ship that I can be in peace?"

Athrun raised an eyebrow at me, probably guessing at what had happened to me in the previous hour based on my attitude and expression.

"Actually, there is one place…It's my personal favorite. I'll show you sometime" he said slyly, winking at me.

I smiled, saying, "I'll take you up on that."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Yzak and Dearka enter the hangar, and immediately I moved to Athrun's other side to hide myself.

"Uh, Lilia? What's wrong…Oh."

We both watched as the two boys went to their respective Gundams; I didn't relax until both of them had disappeared out of sight into their cockpits.

"Something happen?" Athrun inquired curiously.

"Um…I sort of…bitched Yzak out…" I mumbled.

Athrun stared at me in disbelief for a moment before bursting out loudly in bright laughter.

"A-Athrun! Shhhh!" I objected to no avail as he went on laughing; many mechanics were peering over at us curiously and looked surprised that the source of the noise was the always-stoic Redcoat Ace Zala.

After a while, the laughter gradually subsided to chuckles, and Athrun looked over at me, holding his stomach, breathing out, "Tonight…haha, will be…haaa….interesting, hahaha!"

"Athrun!" I protested frustratingly, but Athrun simply flicked the center of my furrowed eyebrows and ruffled my hair playfully as he got up from the bench. He stretched, then held his hand out towards me.

"Let's go back, it's late."

Still a bit disgruntled at him, I ignored his hand and heaved myself off the bench without help and began walking towards the door.

Chuckling, Athrun jogged up to keep pace with me as he said, "Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

I sighed and gave a sidelong glare at him, but I couldn't be mad at him for long. I succumbed to his beautiful green gaze and broke out into a smile.

He returned with a grin, and brought his arm around my shoulders good-humoredly, tugging me along.

As we neared the room, I asked, "Um, does Commander LeCreuset know about this?"

"What, the rooming arrangement? Yeah, I asked him about it, and all he was said was 'As long as the fact is kept on the Vesalius and only on the Vesalius, no one will find out and all will be fine.'"

I giggled at Athrun's accurate imitation of LeCreuset as he continued on, "He did say that we Redcoats will all have to observe the ZAFT Code of Conduct doubly carefully, though."

I nodded and punched in the code as we reached the door. I sighed as the door opened to reveal my still unorganized mess of belongings spread out on my bed.

Athrun motioned to the door in the corner of the room. "That leads to the bathroom and a shower, but we never use it as everyone on the ship uses the showers on the base floor. So I guess you can use that shower as your personal one."

"Okay…" I said, as I began putting away my stuff.

"I'll be back," Athrun said cheerfully, as he went out the door with a towel and shampoo.

I suppose now was the chance to use the shower. I sighed again as I pulled out the band that had my long hair tied up. Maybe, with time, I could get used to being on the Vesalius.

* * *

><p>I was surprised when I opened the door, done with my shower, and saw all three Redcoats assembled on their beds already. All three turned when they heard the bathroom door open, and two of them immediately whipped their heads back around in embarrassment, with the exception of Dearka, who eyed my wet hair and standard ZAFT night shirtnight shorts appearance appreciatively. Ignoring the temptation to throw my towel at his face, I strode over to my bunk, hesitating as I stood by it. I still didn't feel comfortable taking Nicol's spot, and I knew Yzak wouldn't let that fact go easily. Even Athrun; although he seemed fine, I knew he was hurting inside. Finally, I knelt down at the side of the bed, gaining interest from the other three occupants of the room. Taking a deep breath, I said softly, "Nicol, I hope you'll forgive me taking over your bed. It could be worse, I mean, I could have well been some big, smelly guy who doesn't shower and covers the bed sheets with sweat. I hope you like rose scented shampoo."

With that, I slipped into the bed, earning chuckles from Athrun and Dearka. Yzak's silver hair was covering his face, hiding his expression. For the first time that day, I finally felt relaxed, and soon drifted off to sleep. My last thought was of Master Zala, and that I had forgotten to check my email as I had promised.

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**Hey all! I kinda view this chapter as a filler almost, since nothing really happened and it was mostly light. But I hope it was enjoyable and I offer this chapter to you guys in hope that you'll forgive me for my crappy previous one. Also, even though Dearka isn't really that portrayed as a stud/douche/womanizer character in the series, many fans portray him that way, and his voice and attitude suggests it so I'm just going along with it haha. **

**For anyone who understood the access code number 528491, it was the first number that popped into my head, and when I stopped to think about why the numbers came into my head so cleanly, I realized that it was the code used to open the safe in the movie Inception. Lolololol. I watched it recently, and if you haven't seen it, I heavily recommend it, cuz its one kickass of a movie! **

**Sorry for all you Nicol fans out there for killing him off so early, but it had to happen for this story to go on. Sorry, Nicol! I love you!**

**Thank you to my readers and special thanks to my reviewers: **

**IgNighted, Shenhu, Alyssa, and ZhiZhu. **

**As for your question, ZhiZhu, I have about five different scenarios planned out for the future, in which atleast two of them will involve Lilia altering the plot in a way, but not to a point that it will destroy the amazing storyline the gundam seed makers have created :D But I haven't decided yet :P And IgNighted, I believe your question has been answered in this chapter, hahaha :D**

**Thank you for reviewing, and please continue reviewing, they give me the spirit I need to keep going with this story! Thank you thank you thank you!**

**School is starting up soon, meaning I won't be able to update as frequently, and I also have to read Othello and do assignment crap on it before school starts sooo I'll have to focus on that for this coming week haha…damn Shakespeare. But woohoo senior year! Only one more year of this hellhole called high school!**

**Anywaayyyy,**

**I'll try to update as soon as possible! Until then! :DD**

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	6. Chapter 6

For what seemed like the thousandth time that week, the siren signaling Battle Mode Red went off again. I heard Dearka swear loudly as I heaved my sleep-deprived body heavily off the bunk. As the four of us Reds rushed to the locker room, Dearka complained, "Is it too much to ask the damn Naturals to let us sleep for just five minutes?"

"Shut up, Dearka, you'll die out there like that" Yzak retorted straightly. With that, Dearka fell silent as we hurried through the short distance to the locker room.

The repetition of the exercise had caused the other three males to cease blushing anymore as we changed; there were no separate changing rooms available, and I had grown accustomed to simply stripping and changing into my pilot suit along with my teammates. As always, since the female pilot suit was a little more complicated than the male one, I was the last one finishing up, as Yzak impatiently looked on. Finally fastening the collar tightly, I joined my teammates near the exit and proceeded out into the hangar, as we split up towards our Gundams. "Don't die!" Athrun yelled as always as we parted.

"You're the one that has to watch your own ass the most, Zala! Shut up!" Yzak yelled back, charming as ever, as he climbed in to the Dual and put on his helmet.

I sighed and put my helmet on as well, lowering the visor, and snapped the cockpit shut. "Here we go again, Loyalty", I whispered as I turned the Gundam on. With experienced speed, the four of us launched out of the Vesalius into the dark abyss where the Natural mobile suits were waiting.

I sighed, almost bored, as the beam shots simply glanced off the phase shift armor with no effect. The sight of mobile suit warfare was one that still awed me every time I saw it. The myriad of lights and sounds was a grand sight indeed. It was a great, big, loud killing spectacle. And I was one of the entertainers. Revving up the Loyalty, I sped into the sea of mobile suits, determined to finish them off before they retreated, so that I could get a decent amount of sleep for sure this time. It frustrated me, though, that I could not fight as I wished, as I had to use the Loyalty in a way that wouldn't arouse suspicion towards it abilities. The N-jammer Cancellers held opportunities for many advantages, such as long power-life, but I couldn't use it as it would make the others suspect that the Loyalty wasn't, in fact, like the other Gundams that my male teammates were piloting.

Swerving to the left, I shot at a mobile suit in an angle that caused the explosion of it to create a domino-like chain of destruction of other unfortunate mobile suits near it.

"Nice!" Dearka complimented in amusement over the com-link, observing my work.

"Lilia! Behind you!" Athrun yelled.

Sensing the threat seconds before Athrun warned of it, I had already turned around struck at the creeping mobile suit with my shield, crushing it. I turned my attention to the front again, just in time to see Yzak demolish another suit in a dramatic explosion. _Beep! Beep!_ Looking down, I saw on my screen that the dots that represented the enemy mobile suits were slowly retracting their steps. "Guys! They're retreating!" I called out.

"Oh nooo they don't…" Dearka began dangerously.

"Yzak, get up to the front of them and start attacking, we'll follow from behind and trap them!" I said, typing furiously as I readied my beam saber.

"I'm on it already, don't order me around, bitch!" Yzak yelled in response as he flew out into the distance towards the retreating line of enemies in a burst of speed.

I waited, watching Yzak evade, with perfect precision, the shower of beams aimed at him as he sped towards the front of the enemy front.

Athrun began edging forward as well, ready to start attacking as soon as Yzak was ready.

"Lilia, Dearka, you two use beam sabers and clear the way for me; Yzak and I will get the commanding ships", Athrun ordered.

"Roger that," Dearka and I said in unison.

"GO!" Yzak screamed, signaling the beginning of our attack.

Dearka and I burst forward, mauling over the mobile suits in our way, hacking through the crowds of enemy suits. Using the beam saber was enthralling in a disturbing sort of way; using it was a pleasant challenge that was different from simply shooting at the enemy with a gun.

"Lilia!" Dearka shouted.

I pulled my second beam saber out from the Loyalty's left side and threw it over to the Buster, as it didn't have any.

"Hehe…this is kinda fun!" Dearka laughed, brandishing the beam saber in a savage, inexperienced way as he cut through more mobile suits.

"Yeah...too bad you suck at using it…" I muttered.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing…"

I heard Athrun laugh quietly as he followed us, and before long, we had trapped the few remaining mobile suits between us and Yzak. Yzak shot at the one in front of him, destroying it, then proceeded to fly away toward the commanding ship that loomed near.

"Shit, I'm not going to let him take the good part away!" Athrun cursed as he left us, speeding towards the other commanding ship on the opposite side.

There were only five mobile suits left.

I lowered the number to three, as I cut through two with a simple twist of the saber.

I had barely recognized the mobile suit creeping on me from behind before Dearka caught it, impaling the suit right through the cockpit.

"Woah, that was close," he said.

The remaining two huddled together, unmoving, as if in fear. Suddenly, a static sounded as the pilots attempted to link with us. Sighing, I realized that the pilots didn't understand the correct way in trying to find the right channel. They couldn't be terribly experienced pilots, at that. Instead, I linked to them, curious as to what they had to say. As soon as the link connected, a face of a young boy filled the screen, sweating and trembling with fear. After a moments silence, the boy quickly began screaming, "W-w-w-we were retreating! What are you d-d-doing!"

"Making it so you _can't_ retreat anymore," Dearka replied coolly.

The boy's mouth hung open in a horrified expression.

"Sorry, kid. Good-bye," Dearka said in a more steely tone as he brought his beam saber forward.

Tears erupted from the boy's eyes as he shrieked "I HATE YOU COORDINATORS! DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE-"

His curses were cut off as Dearka brandished the saber forward, splitting his mobile suit in half, creating a grand explosion. Locking up my emotions that were screaming from the final words of the boy, I raised my gun and shot at the remaining mobile suit before it could do anything, reducing it to simple military history as it exploded into many particles. Beyond, I saw that Athrun and Yzak had succeeded as well, as I saw two spectacular, giant explosions signifying the destruction of the two commanding ships.

"Damn…," Dearka said, "I guess those two aren't academy tops for nothing. They just did what even a whole team of pilots can't do together."

"Time to go back," Yzak said tersely as he flew back. "Rejoice, Dearka, you'll be able to sleep for a straight night now. The Naturals won't throw another attack at us for a while. At least, not until they reorganize their regiment here."

"Wahoo!" Dearka cried in delight as he sped back towards the Vesalius.

I cut the com-link off, not wanting Athrun, or heaven forbid, Yzak, to see my current face as we returned towards the ship. I could hear the ringing words of the boy as we flew through the dark space. _Die die die die die die…_

* * *

><p>"…up!"<p>

I mumbled an incomprehensible word, rolling over.

"Wake up!"

"Mmmmmm" I grumbled.

"Axelman, if you don't wake up right now, I'll throw you on to the ground."

Finally recognizing Yzak's voice, I snapped my eyes open and catapulted out of the bunk.

"What the-!" Yzak shrieked, tumbling backward as I knocked into him.

I took a deep breath, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Looking around, I finally realized what I had done, and looked at Yzak's face, red with anger and embarrassment, who was still pinned underneath me. "Oh, sorry…" I began indifferently, still delusional, "I was… half-asleep and I heard the words 'throw you on the ground'…"

"Yeah, most people who hear that, even in their sleep, usually wouldn't just launch out of their bed and hit the person talking to them! Now get the fuck off of me!" Yzak yelled in anger as he pushed me away.

"Meeting in the pilot briefing room in five minutes with Commander LeCreuset," he continued brusquely, straightening out his uniform that had been messed up by my landing on him, "that's all."

He gave me one, last dirty look then stalked out.

I yawned, scratching my head and looked at the clock, doing a double-take as I realized I had been asleep for nearly half a day. Genuinely surprised and appreciative that everyone had been considerate enough to not wake me up till now, I went to the bathroom to comb through my tangled hair and put on my uniform. Feeling a little ashamed that I had been the only one sleeping for so long, I hurried down the corridor to the briefing room, reaching it with seconds to spare. I entered through the door, and saw everyone assembled already. I quickly went to sit in the open seat next to Athrun, who gave me a warm smile, and ignored Yzak's death glare.

I could hardly pay attention to the meeting, still feeling slow from my long slumber. Before long, I realized that the meeting was over, and soon I was the only one still sitting.

"Lilia?"

I turned to see Athrun looking half-amused and half-concerned at me.

I looked back at him, blinking slowly, my brain working slowly to come up with something to say.

Athrun stared back for a moment longer before letting out a small laugh as he said, "Haha, you're funny when you're sleepy, Lilia."

"As well as fucking unnecessarily keen to outside words to a disturbing ninja-esque degree" cut in Yzak, who I realized was still standing in the room as well, with Dearka.

Athrun raised an eyebrow and looked between me and Yzak, confused.

Finally exercising my voice, I muttered, "Don't ask."

"Hmph", Yzak snorted haughtily as he strode out of the room, glaring at me, Dearka at his heels.

Athrun stared after them for a moment, and then said, "I wonder if you'll ever get along with him one day."

"Athrun," I said indifferently, "you've known him for much longer than I have and you still have just as bad of a relationship with him as I do."

Athrun grinned at me sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders.

As we got up and left the room, Athrun continued, saying, "Nicol was the only one that let Yzak get away with all his crap, actually."

"Not Dearka?" I asked.

"Actually," Athrun said, smiling, "if you pay attention to them you'll notice that Dearka's actually the one hounding on Yzak for the most part, just in a really roundabout way."

"Huh…" I mused, letting the information sink in. Although I had already participated in numerous battles, my days onboard were still short, and I still knew close to nothing about my new teammates.

When we returned to our room, Yzak was already in there, typing away furiously on his laptop.

"Where's Dearka?" Athrun inquired.

"Don't know. Don't care." Yzak threw back, not even looking up.

Athrun gave me a resigned look as he climbed up to his bunk.

"Well, I'm sleeping," I heard him call as he crawled under his sheets.

I was surprised at how drowsy I still felt despite having slept for the past twelve hours, but perhaps my fatigue from my fighting non-stop all week was finally catching up to me. Better well-rested and safe than sorry. I climbed into my bunk, yawning as I nestled into my pillow. The sounds of Yzak's typing stopped as he asked cuttingly, "Going back to your eternal nap, sleeping ugly?"

"Yzak…" I heard Athrun mutter warningly in a half-asleep voice.

I simply lifted the pillow over my head and ignored him, focusing on trying to relax each and every part of my body, which was aching with all the battles and hours sitting in a small, tight cockpit while killing people. Not the most relaxing situation, really.

Hearing the clacking sounds of Yzak's fingers on the keyboard resume, I continued my exercise with more focus, attempting to create an illusion of calm within myself so I could sleep peacefully.

After a few minutes, I felt myself slowly sinking into sleep when I suddenly realized something I forgot. Springing up and bounding out of the bunk, grabbing my laptop on the way, I ran out of the room whilst Yzak stared after me in confusion.

I ran into a hallway that I knew people seldom passed through and flipped my laptop open, feverishly navigating through the pages while berating myself for forgetting something so important. Before long, my screen went blank as I waited for a response from the other side. Within a few moments, Master Zala's face filled the screen.

"Master Zala, I apologize for being late in my report, I-"

Master Zala lifted his hand to cut me off and I stifled my words.

"Tell me about the situation with the Earth Alliance forces in the Star Cluster area" he said flatly, staring at me with cold eyes.

"Yes sir," I responded promptly, "We have managed to destroy the majority of their forces here, but now we are planning to spring an attack onto their base before they can regroup and organize new regiments to send at us."

Master nodded slowly, staying silent as he pondered the new information.

"When is LeCreuset planning for the attack?"

"He hasn't said exactly yet, but it will happen in the next few days."

"I see…and I presume you have not used any of the Loyalty's special abilities?"

He stared hard at me as he asked the question he always asked each time we talked.

"I have not used the N-Jammer Cancellers," I replied, staring right back at him.

"Of course…" he said softly, rubbing his temples, "I apologize for asking every time…it's not that I don't trust you, Lilia."

"Please don't be, Master," I said sincerely, "I trust you."

He looked up at me, and a moment of silence passed as we looked at each other. He then nodded, then said, "Thank you for the report, you are excused now."

I saluted at him until the screen turned blank, signaling that Master had turned his side of the link off.

Slowly closing the lid of the computer, I wondered what I would do. Not feeling as drowsy as I had been before, I knew I wouldn't be able to just sit passively to pass the time. Not to mention I didn't want to go back to the room either; King Joule was still there, no doubt pissed at me for some reason or another. Maybe he was still mad that I had flung into him earlier.

Suddenly becoming more aware of myself and my surroundings, I sniffed gingerly into the air, realizing I smelled something unpleasant. It took me a few more moments before I realized it was my own self that I could smell, and I bent down to sniff at my shirt, which indeed smelt like layers and layers of old sweat. Crinkling my nose, I realized it was time to take a shower, something I had not done in a number of days because of all the sudden attacks from the Earth Force. Sighing as I saw that I had to return to the room anyway, I slowly stood up and shuffled back towards my room.

* * *

><p>Even though I tried to enter as softly and noiselessly as possible, Yzak still threw me a dirty look as I entered and rummaged through my clothes in search of clean underwear and uniform. Feeling self-conscious, I hurriedly picked up my bundle of clothes and went to the back corner of the room where the bathroom was. Shutting the door behind me, I sighed as I enjoyed the pleasure of being alone. The one, true place where no one could intrude on me. Unless, of course, Dearka wasn't being a perv and picking the lock or something. Having the sudden urge to feel the touch of warm water on my body, I stripped my dirty clothes off with vigor and stepped in to the shower, turning the dial.<p>

As soon as the water came rushing out, a smile played on my lips as I physically and psychologically felt a weeks' worth of sweat and grime wash away from my tired body. I quickly regained my senses, though, knowing that five minutes was the maximum time limit allowed for showers onboard, and I briskly went on to grab the bar of soap and start actually washing myself.

All too soon, my time was up, and I reluctantly turned the dial off before it automatically shut off; if it did, it sent an alarm to the higher officers on the ship that a soldier had taken a "long shower", and allowed them to punish the soldier by denying them a shower for the rest of the week, or assigning them bathroom clean-up duty. Reaching for the towel waiting for me, I gently wrapped myself in it and wringed the excess water out of my hair, as I began sorting through the clothes I brought to change into.

Wait. No way…

I looked. And looked again. And again. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, telling myself it was a cruel joke, I opened my eyes and searched through the bundle of clothes again. Nothing.

I blinked several times, then finally came to the conclusion that it really wasn't there.

"Damnit" I cursed loudly, not knowing what else to say.

Of all the things I could have forgotten to bring into the bathroom, I had forgotten my bra.

Wanting to beat myself up, I stood there, with only a towel on, not knowing what to do next. Maybe, just maybe, Yzak had left the room while I was showering, and I could sneak out to grab one; after all, Athrun was a heavy sleeper, I would be able to get by him easily. Clinging on to that hope, I slowly inched the door to the bathroom open, and peaked out. I felt my hope instantly crushed as I saw Yzak perched upon his bunk, still typing away at whatever the hell he was doing on his computer. Athrun was fast asleep on the other side of the room, lightly snoring with his mouth open. I slowly closed the door again. Feeling hopeless, I wondered if I would just have to wait until the guys left the room. I quickly discarded the idea, knowing it was unpractical. Besides, Dearka would return sooner or later, and that would be the worst case scenario number one. I eased the door open again without really thinking, and cursed when it squeaked on the hinges. Why was this door the only one on the ship that didn't have automatic sliding? The noise immediately caught Yzak's attention, and he whipped his head around, glaring at me. We stared at each other for a few seconds, and then I slammed the door shut once again.

"What the hell am I doing…?" I moaned, feeling depressed. I had to act now though, before Dearka returned. Maybe I could slip over to my bunk without Yzak noticing…No. Impossible. His bunk was right next to mine, not to mention he would notice the bathroom door, which was also right behind his bunk, open.

"God damnit," I growled.

"What the hell is going on?" I heard Yzak call loudly from right outside the door.

I clamped my hand over my mouth, stifling another curse.

"Hey!" he continued to yell, hitting the door.

Knowing that he would wake Athrun at this rate, I steeled myself and wrenched the door open. My motion stopping Yzak in the middle of bringing his arm down to bang on the door again, his face slowly turned a light hue of pink as he finally saw my appearance. Not willing to shamefully turn away, though, he asked unnaturally loudly, "What are you trying to do now, seduce soldiers? Didn't know we had a slut in the room."

Athrun made an incomprehensible noise as he turned in his bunk.

"Shh!" I hissed at Yzak.

Yzak shut his mouth, but was unrelenting in his questioning glare.

Suddenly, the small door alarm sounded as Dearka came into the room, yawning loudly.

Seeing my eyes widen in horror, Yzak and I both instinctively shut the door as he rushed inside the bathroom in a panicked act. We looked at each other in shock as we slowly comprehended the situation we were in.

Trying to preserve what dignity I had left while only wearing a bath towel, I said in a harsh voice, "I am going to fucking kill Dearka."

"For once, I agree with you," Yzak said in an equally harsh tone.

As if catching himself, Yzak shook his head slightly, then quickly rounded on me, complaining in an angry whisper, "This is all your fault, bitch! What the hell were you doing anyway? I'm going to fucking kill you too! Or maybe I'll just report you as breaching protocol for trying to seduce onboard soldiers!"

I glared at him as I countered back, whispering, "Okay Joule, I'm pretty sure that if anybody walked into this bathroom right this second, they wouldn't have any second thoughts in deciding who the victim was."

For a brief second, Yzak's eyes wandered down my almost-naked form, and fell silent, knowing a point was taken.

"Okay then, Axelman," he said after a moment, "are you going to tell me what the fuck you were doing, now?"

I sighed as I slowly confessed, "I forgot…my bra…outside."

Another moment of awkward silence passed between us.

"What?" Yzak asked in a strange voice.

"I'm not repeating myself," I said flatly.

Yzak continued staring at me weirdly until he came back to his senses.

"Well, go get it, then!" he retorted.

"If it was that easy, I probably would have already, dumbass!" I snapped.

Yzak clicked his tongue at me, then motioned at me to stay still as he eased the door open, peering out. To my immense relief, I could hear Dearka's obnoxious snores coming from outside. I quickly got up, knowing my coast was clear, when Yzak pushed me away, his hand hot on my bare shoulder. He quickly retracted his touch, whispering loudly, "Idiot! What if he wakes up!"

Knowing he was right, I whispered, "But what else can I...", feeling more distressed the second.

For an extremely brief moment, I saw something like compassion flit over Yzak's features as he saw my distress, but it quickly vanished and I thought I had imagined it.

"Look, Axelman…" he began, looking like a man about to confess to treason, "I-I'll… fucking go get it for you, then."

My mouth fell open, and I blinked at him many, many times, until his pissed-off-expression returned and he opened his mouth to throw insults at me. Before he got there, though, I swallowed my pride and said in small voice, "Please."

This time it was Yzak's turn to look shocked.

"It's in the dark green bag under my bunk," I continued as I turned away from him. "Besides, I'm starting to get cold…" I hugged myself, as my still wet hair and body began to take its toll on me.

Giving off what sounded like an exasperated growl, I heard Yzak open the door. I also suddenly felt something soft drape over my soldiers. Looking over, I realized with shock that Yzak had given me his uniform coat to wear over my torso. Before I could object, though, Yzak had already bounded out of the bathroom and was rummaging through my clothes. Keeping my mouth shut, knowing it would be hell should Dearka wake up now and discover Yzak searching through my under garments, I wrapped the coat closer around my shivering body.

Finally, Yzak came towards me, holding out one of my bras like it was a stinking fish. He threw it at my face, then slammed the door shut as he snarled, "Now get dressed already, stupid bitch!"

I picked my bra off the ground as I heard him say through the door, "Do women even really _need _bras this fucking much?"

It finally struck me, as I was changing, just how much my dignity was destroyed by this event. And it was witnessed by Yzak Joule, of all people. I wanted to kill myself right then and there. Biting my lip as I finished putting on my uniform, I looked at myself in the mirror, my wet hair in disarray around my flushed face.

"Lilia Axelman," I said slowly to the girl in the mirror, "You are an ass."

Slapping myself on the cheeks, I gathered up what was left of my pride and walked out the bathroom door. Going up to Yzak, who was sitting in front of his computer motionlessly, I handed him his coat, saying "Thank you."

He looked up at that, looking surprised, but I had already headed towards the door.

Before I pressed the door buzzer, I turned around and said, "One more thing, Joule."

He glanced at me silently, waiting.

"This. Never. Happened." I said in a pleasant voice, staring at him in a way that would have sent children away crying.

Not bothering to gauge his reaction, I left the room, stomping out into the hallway, my pride in broken, splintered, shambles for the first time in many years.

* * *

><p>The next day, during a meeting, it was as if nothing had happened. No. I correct myself; nothing had happened. I forced myself to clear my brain of stupid thoughts and ignore Yzak's presence next to me as I focused on the task at hand as LeCreuset explained the complicated ambush that us Reds were going to execute tomorrow.<p>

When he finished, I felt anticipation for battle, wanting to crush every Natural out there that was causing Master Zala and Athrun pain. I would crush them, and this ambush would help me reach that goal. Feeling satisfied, I got up to leave, and walked out into the hallway. Wanting to be alone, I decide to head to Athrun's "special spot" that he had told me about. Decided on a destination, I walked faster, climbing up a short flight of stairs to a small observatory deck that no one used. So much, indeed, that the place had garnered cobwebs and dust. Again, my confusion at why such a room existed on a battleship baffled me, but I was grateful for a place that I could be alone. As always, Athrun knew what he was talking about. The room had one, giant window panel that allowed me to look out into space, a sight that was incredibly mesmerizing. I was situated like that, staring blankly out the window, when the door to the room opened, and I saw through the reflection of the window that it was Athrun.

Turning around, I greeted him with a smile.

"Hey," he called, smiling back.

He came up next to me, then said, "You ready for tomorrow?"

I nodded solemnly.

He laughed, "Of course. You're a truly great pilot."

I smiled up at him, "Thank you".

Athrun grinned and said jokingly, "Got to be careful, so I don't get outperformed by you."

I scoffed at that, and turned around.

"Well!" Athrun suddenly announced, clapping his hands, "We better get back; tomorrow's going to be our biggest attack yet since you've arrived."

I nodded, and followed him as we left the room. When we reached the narrow steps leading down to the main hallway, Athrun reached out his hand invitingly. Smiling resignedly, I allowed him to help me down the few steps. "I'm not Lacus Clyne," I reminded him, as we continued down the hallway.

"Sure, thank God there's only one," he replied jokingly, "but one mustn't forget that you're a girl as well."

Sighing, I let him say what he wanted. I, for the matter, wanted to say that tomorrow, when we attacked the Naturals, none of them would care if I was a girl or not when they shot murderous beams at me, but I kept my mouth shut.

Tomorrow.

I dipped my head in acknowledgement as Athrun opened the door to the room for me.

* * *

><p><strong>Heeeyyy guys..haha…okay.<strong>

** I'm so so so sorry! Senior year has been kicking my ass so far so I have legitimately had no time to be able to just sit down and write for this fic, so I truly apologize for my tardiness in updating. Seriously, though, whoever said senior year is easier than junior year should go take a pill for bullshit.**

**Anywayyy, I'm done with college apps so that's out of the way, although I still have music auditions for music schools coming up, so that might also cause delay for updates (sorry!). **

** But, on a a good news side note, on Black Friday, I was able to buy my very own laptop! Which means, it WILL be easier for me to write! Which will also lead to relatively faster (I hope) updates! Before, I had to steal my mom's laptop while she was out of the house sporadically to write, but with my own computer it will be very much easier. So yay!**

** Also, I really truly need some opinions on regards to Lilia's "romantic" side of the story. Although I'd like to consider this story Adventure/Romance, I'm kinda actually still undecided on who I'd like her to "be with", so to say. So if you review, please let me know your opinion! :D Pretty pretty please!**

** Also on that note, please review and tell me how I'm doing! I LOVEEE reviews! :D**

**Thank you for my reviewers on the last chapter: IgNighted, ZhiZhu, ZGMF-XA-880Salvation, and Alyssa: I love you all so much! Thanks for always reviewing!**

**As for this chapter, I'm trying to have little events/episodes where Lilia can get to know her teammates better, and this was Yzak's turn. Idk when I'll have Dearka's little "episode" but it shall be soon. Yzak and bras! Woohoooo! Hope it wasn't toooo weird…**

** And finally, my last little thing. Confession: I don't know if I will follow the original plotline so strongly anymore…As you can see by this chapter, I'm already starting to veer off a tiny bit. Of course, I would like to stick to the major plot devices in the original story, but I feel like copying every bit and detail of the original plotline would be kind of losing the point of writing a fanfiction…Tell me what you think, please. **

** Anywayz, good reading! Until next time! (I'm currently writing the next chapter already so it shouldn't be too long until another update! Hurray!)**


	7. Chapter 7

It was the dream again. The same dream that I kept having recently. The dream where I knew I was dreaming, yet couldn't seem to wake up. Each time, I walked forward towards a figure with their back turned towards me, the only thing sticking out in my vision their golden blonde hair. From the stature, I could tell the person was an adult man. Almost routinely, as soon as I got close enough, just as the man was about to turn around, I woke. Each time, as I gradually grew closer to him, I felt as if the sight of him was familiar, as if I knew him from somewhere, but when I woke the feeling was always gone, and I believed that I had imagined it. I had had this dream sporadically since I was a child, so I was used to it by now, but it always left me with a feeling of unknown mixed emotions right after I awoke. As always, my eyes opened right as the unknown man turned to show his face. The dark room was silent except for the soft breathing of the sleeping three men around me. Looking at the clock, I saw that there was still an hour before we had to wake up to prepare for our attack mission. Unable to go back to sleep and not wanting to hear the blaring, migraine-inducing sound of the alarm clock when it went off, I decided to go to the hangar already. As quietly as I could without waking the other three up, I pulled my uniform on and snuck out of the room.

My boots making a rhythmical clacking sound on the ground, I walked through the empty hallway at a comfortable pace, enjoying the quiet peace that rarely occurred on the active battleship. When I reached the hangar, I nodded in acknowledgement at the handful of mechanics that were working and proceeded towards my Loyalty. It was still a little baffling, when standing right next to it, taking in the immense size of the giant robot that I was supposedly controlling from a tiny cockpit. I slowly pulled myself up to the cockpit using the wire lever and assembled myself on the seat. Not having anything to do, as I had double-checked my OS the day before and the mechanics had made sure everything was okay, I simply stared at the controls. I fingered the clutch on the right. These were all my tools. My tools to carry out Master's will, which was also mine.

No matter how stoic I strived to be, I couldn't lie to myself that I didn't miss Master Zala. Even if he wasn't the exact same Master I had loved and followed before the war, he was still Master. And I still loved and followed him. I missed the commanding tone of his voice, the one that gave me the belief that I had a purpose in life, that there was a reason I was here. Despite my previous alertness, I found my eyelids fluttering shut as I grew drowsier and drowsier thinking of Master.

Master…

Master..

* * *

><p>"Lilia!"<p>

I awoke with a jerk, and straightened up my body like I was electrified. Snapping my eyes open, I found myself staring right into the emerald abyss that belonged to Athrun's gaze. Realizing with horror that I had fallen asleep in the cockpit seat, I began drabbling feverishly, "Oh god, what time is it? I'm so sorry I fell asleep, what happened, where's everyone, what about the attack-"

"Lilia," Athrun interrupted, a hint of a smile playing at his lips, "Relax. We still have about twenty minutes before we go out there. You need to get changed, though."

I finally noticed with a start that Athrun had already changed into his pilot suit, and also observed with a vague side note that the airlock system in the hangar must have been lifted, as he was floating.

I nodded my head once, and followed him down to the door that went to the locker room.

Turning his head towards me, Athrun lightly commented, "I had to yell your name about five times before you woke up. Heavy sleeper much?"

"I'm sorry…" I grumbled, feeling embarrassed.

Athrun just laughed, as he pushed the button to open the door to the locker room.

I stepped in, readily preparing myself to ignore the death glare from a certain silver-headed individual that was bound to come, and sure enough, a piercing stare came from the couch as I went over to my locker.

I sighed as I continued to sense the gaze coming from Yzak as I took out my pilot suit from the locker. Feeling irked by him, as always, I hesitantly undid the collar of my uniform. Well, stripping in front of him was a sure way to make him stop staring at me. Quickly changing as Athrun struck up conversation with the other two, I shut the locker door with a click, and finally turned towards the trio with helmet in hand.

"Sorry for being late," I muttered.

Yzak rolled his eyes at me and said, "Why don't you just sleep in your Gundam every night from now on? Solves everyone's problems."

Not being in the mood for his usual jabs, I simply narrowed my eyes, but otherwise ignored the comment.

Dearka cleared his throat awkwardly as he said, "Um…yeah. Should we go over the plan one more time, now that everyone's here?"

"Yes," Athrun said, stepping in, "I know we've gone over this tons of times, but we need to make sure we're all on the same page. This is how it'll work…"

* * *

><p>I waited outside the ship in the Loyalty, floating quietly, as the others launched out of the hangar. I gripped the lever tightly. This was my first official operation that I would be a major part of. Failure would be unacceptable. In theory, it wouldn't even be that hard. All we had to do was wipe out a battalion of the Earth Alliance Forces that were getting dangerously close to one of the PLANTS colonies. But underestimation was a sure way to get killed in battle, and I wasn't going to end that way. I heard the static of the com-link as Athrun connected to me.<p>

"We're ready, Lilia. Time to go."

I wordlessly saluted to him as acknowledgement, and revved up the engine.

As all four Gundams lined up, we all flew forward at the same pace, keeping the solid line straight and unmoving. No one bothered talking to each other during the hour spent flying towards the Naturals' hideout. When the huge rock debris where the battalion was supposedly hiding out came into view on the map, we stopped. As soon as one of us stepped within the reach of the radar of the command ship, we would only have about three minutes before the small army would be prepared and ready to take us on. We would have to take out the bulk of the battalion, most notably the command ship, during those three minutes, in order to have the upper hand.

Dearka's voice streamed in through the link, "Their radar supposedly stretches to Indigo 38. Unless they have some patrol going around. Damn, then we're bust."

Athrun sighed, "Well there's only one way to find out, huh?"

"We're launching as soon as it hits 13:23" Yzak commanded.

We all waited in silence for the time on the dashboard to hit the designated time. One second, two seconds, three seconds. All too soon, the little 2 transformed into a 3, and Yzak yelled, "GO!"

In a burst of energy and speed, all four Gundams raced forward towards the rock debris that was finally coming into view.

"Why is Yzak always the one that gets to deliver the 'Go!' line? Sooo not fair," Dearka grumbled.

"Oh shut up," I replied blatantly, feeling it hard to focus with his whiny voice coming in from the link.

Athrun snickered while through the com-link screen, I saw Dearka give a shocked expression at my uncharacteristic outburst.

We were steadily approaching the vantage point at which we would all split. Just as we were hitting the point, however, a stream of beam shots suddenly showered in on us, stopping us in our tracks. Although the beams simply glanced off the Phase Shift armor, Athrun gasped as I cried in realization, "They knew we were coming; they were expecting us!"

"Where the hell are they shooting from!" Yzak growled.

Almost as if in answer, like a grotesque dream sequence, a myriad of lights started flying in from the distance, signaling the movement of many mobile suits. One mobile suit suddenly appeared at my side, leveling its gun right at the cockpit I was in. I gasped in shock as I barely evaded the beam. Where had it come from!

"These guys…" Athrun began in shock, "some of these mobile suits have the technology to not be detected on our radar! Be careful!"

I heard both Yzak and Dearka curse as we all suddenly became busy when a big piece of debris moved, revealing another handful of mobile suits hiding from sight and from our radar. Despite the advantage, the pilots were not skilled, and the suits were demolished within minutes. However, as I turned my attention back towards the movement of mobile suits in the distance advancing towards us, I blinked in confusion. Something was not right. I looked at my screen, and gasped in horror as my radar began picking up the mobile suits.

"This isn't just one battalion," I said in shock, "we're up against one whole division!"

"Who the hell was our intelligence for preparing this operation," Yzak snarled, "they were wrong on every damn aspect! I'm going to kill them for this!"

Without a word, Athrun flew forward, already shooting at the massive army coming towards him. Snapping out of my shock, I followed suit, as the gap between us and the army grew smaller and smaller. They mobile suits began shooting too, and battle began raging at full blast. Before long, we all became split up in different places, our previous attack plan in unusable shambles now that our original surprise attack was out of the question. Support GINNs and ZAKUs from the Vesalius also came within a few minutes, adding to the numerous explosions and beams that were flying all around. I shot and shot and shot, but the numbers didn't seem to be dwindling down at all. The EA mobile suits were all slow and delayed, making it easy to get rid of them, but their numbers were beginning to become overwhelming. LeCreuset's face suddenly appeared on my screen.

"The Vesalius is shooting its main beam, get out of the way," he hissed in an agitated voice.

Obediently, all of the ZAFT suits started pulling away from the center of battle. Within seconds, a huge, destructive green beam blasted its way through many of the EA mobile suits, reducing the number considerably. I heard a whoop of joy from Dearka as he sped right back into battle with renewed vigor. Running low on beam power, I switched my primary weapon to the saber, speeding into the sea of mobile suits, as I hacked and cut my way through. It was disgusting, knowing the way in which I was killing people through every flick and twist of the Loyalty's wrist, but it had to be done.

Without notice, another green beam shot through the battlefield, destructing many of the support forces of the Vesalius. I missed the beam by mere feet, the force of it singing its way through the Phase Shift armor by its closeness. Our numbers, which was considerably smaller than the Earth Alliance division to start with, was back down to the same ratio after the beam from their command ship.

"At least now we know where the command ship is, though!" Athrun declared in a determined voice, "I'll go!"

The Aegis sped off through the mess of mobile suits, skillfully dodging all the beams directed at it.

I glanced worriedly at my power gauge, which was gradually growing slimmer, as I continued cutting through suit after suit.

"Goddamn Naturals" I hissed between my teeth as one beam shot of a part of the Loyalty's left foot, throwing me off balance for a second, giving opportunity for a mobile suit nearby to swing its saber at my cockpit. I easily beheaded it, then allowed Dearka who was nearby to finish it off, shooting it right through. He grinned at me through the screen, then turned his attention back to the suits advancing towards him. I scanned the dashboard screen, evaluating the situation. It was slow, but we were winning. We were going to win this. With that conviction in mind, I noticed a cluster of mobile suits assembled together nearby, and with a burst of speed, whipped out my gun as I shot at the middle one, scattering the suits in a panicked frenzy. Brandishing my saber once again, I made a huge, sweeping swing through all of them, causing them all to explode one after another. I heard Dearka whistle as the last one blew up. A huge explosion sounded in the distance, and the remaining Earth Alliance mobile suits stopped in their tracks, appearing confused. Athrun must have succeeded in finishing the command ship! The beeping coming from the power gauge that was now dangerously low took my attention as I fended off desperate attacks from EA mobile suits with lazy flicks of the wrist. This needed to end now, if the Loyalty was to hold up much longer. The other gundams couldn't be faring any better, either.

Suddenly, I spotted the Dual a ways away, battling a mobile suit. The mobile suit seemed to have a rather competent pilot, as inference through the fact that it hadn't been destroyed by Yzak yet. I realized I hadn't heard anything from him the whole time, and finally noticed that he had cut off his link with me as soon as the battle started. I gave a heavy sigh, and was about to return my attention back to oncoming mobile suits, when my heart beat suddenly picked up in apprehension as I saw the mobile suit the Dual was battling raise its beam saber in preparation to swing towards the cockpit. The Dual raised its gun to shoot, but the beam never escaped the tip. In horror, I saw the Dual fade back into a dull gray color, signaling the end of its Phase Shift armor and its power life. The beam saber was swinging down. Yzak was going to die.

I wasn't even thinking anymore. Revving up the Loyalty's engine to its maximum, finally pushing the power to its limit, I sped towards the Dual and the enemy mobile suit. Not even noticing that the Loyalty turned back to its original colorless appearance as well, I continued forward. All that was in my sight was the Dual and the other mobile suit, whose beam saber seemed to be coming down in slow motion. I didn't have any power left to shoot beams or use my saber, which had been blasted away when I was preoccupied with the Dual's situation. I knew what that beam saber could do to people in a cockpit, and I wasn't going to let it happen to a person I knew and shared quarters with. Even if he was the most irritating, rude, and sexist douchebag I had ever met.

Leaving my actions up to my raw instincts, I screamed, "JOULE!"

Just as the beam saber from the enemy came down, I lodged myself between it and the Dual, causing the saber to pierce right through the Loyalty's shoulder and chest. The force of the swing was so much that the blade came all the way down into the top part of my cockpit, cutting it open with a blast. I screamed as pieces and shards of metal flew everywhere, cutting my pilot suit through to the skin. Raising my arms to cover my face, a searing pain soared through my body as a large, sharp piece gauged itself deeply into the palm of my left hand. It all happened in mere seconds, but everything felt like it was happening twice slower. The sound and blast of metal pieces finally dwindled down, and I opened my clenched eyes to see the tip of the saber mere inches from my body. I tried to control my hyped up breathing to no avail as I realized just how close I had been to death. The initial shock from my sudden appearance diminished as the enemy mobile suit began to move the saber again, this time intent on finishing me. Due to the absence of the Phase Shift armor, the saber moved easily. Desperately, I pulled out the hidden beam gun hidden in the Loyalty's right leg. Gingerly reaching for the keyboard that was miraculously still intact, I began typing as fast as I could with only my right hand, pooling all the energy that was left in the system, draining all of the defense and radar energy in to the gun. Just as the mobile suit readied itself for the final push of the saber that would quite literally cut me in half, I raised the gun at the cockpit of the mobile suit, and shot it at close range. The suit exploded, giving me the inner satisfaction of victory, but the force of the blast caused the saber still stuck in my cockpit to cut in deeper. The very tip of it brushed against my chest, causing a cut on the top part of my right breast.

My brief moment of adrenaline over, I now felt frozen. I would have stayed like that for many minutes, until the left com-link screen (the right one was utterly demolished by the saber) suddenly came alive as the Dual linked to me. Soon enough, Yzak's brash yells resounded throughout my now open cockpit. I gazed out through the open cut into the view of outer space, vaguely noting that I was lucky that the oxygen was correctly flowing in my helmet.

"Axelman! Axelman! Axelman, goddamn, answer me!"

Waking up from my stupor, I realized he couldn't see my face because of the beam saber that was still stuck right in front of me.

"Shit, Axelman! If you're dead, I'm gonna kill you!"

Smiling slightly at the nonsense statement, I tried my voice. It came out sounding like a croak of a withered bird. I tried again.

"I'm right here" I rasped, my voice breaking in many places. All of my raw-throated screams from when my cockpit was exploding around me certainly had taken its toll on my voice.

I slowly shifted my gundam around to face him.

"Can you please take the saber out," I continued, "it's right in my face."

With a swift movement, the Dual pulled out the saber from my cockpit, relieving me from the oppressive blade that was sticking into my chest. The obstacle blocking my face now out of the way, I was finally able to see Yzak's face staring intensely at me from the screen.

"You're…alive…" he breathed, with an expression I almost couldn't believe was one of relief.

In the next second, his features contorted from the soft expression to that of his usual one of anger and irritation, except this time it was even more intense.

"What…the…hell…" he began in a dangerously low tone. I braced myself.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" he roared. The force of his voice caused a great deal of static to rise, and I grimaced at the noise.

"Who even asked you to help! You almost died! Do you even have a brain?" he continued yelling.

While he threw unintelligible shrieks at me, I focused on the painful throbbing of my left hand. I gingerly pulled out the metal shard that was stuck in it, trying to hold back my grunt of pain. As soon as it was gone, a fountain of blood began pouring out of the wound, streaming down my arm and staining my cockpit everywhere. Flicking the large shard away, I glared back at Yzak, who was still yelling. Noticing my strong gaze, he faltered mid-sentence.

Cradling my left hand as I spat out blood from biting my tongue towards the screen, I bitingly threw at him, "Last time I checked, Joule, you were about to get killed. Pardon me for saving your life."

He clamped his mouth shut, glaring at me, knowing I had the upper hand.

After a long moment, he loosened his mouth and said, "Athrun and Dearka can finish up the rest here. You return to the Vesalius. The Loyalty looks like shit right now."

Without responding, I moved to turn the link off when Yzak suddenly exclaimed, "Wait!"

Working a look of irritation into my features, I waited.

Ignoring my less than inviting facial expression, he said, "The saber cut up your cockpit pretty badly. Were…were you…hurt…at all?"  
>He appeared to have great difficulty in delivering the last line in his attempt to be civil.<p>

I instinctively touched my left palm which still had a great deal of blood flowing from the wound.

"I'm fine," I grunted, and leaned forward to turn off the link with a low_ beep!_

I saw with annoyance that the Dual followed close behind as I returned and docked into the Vesalius. I had forgotten that all wrecked gundams were required to have an escort when returning to the vessel. As the Loyalty locked into place in the hangar, I reached underneath my seat, brushing aside all the broken glass and metal, for the blanket that I used when performing maintenance on the Loyalty in the cold. Using the blanket, I gingerly tried to sop up the immense amount of blood that had poured out of my wound, wincing when the cloth touched the wound directly. Seeing that Yzak had already descended to the ground and looking questioningly at my direction before heading towards the locker room, I cursed, knowing he would be waiting there. There was no way the all-mighty, prideful Yzak Joule would let someone get away with "saving him".

Grimacing at the bloody mess my blanket had become, I gave up and instead took my helmet off, hiding my left hand inside it as I held it. Ripping off a piece of the blanket, I wrapped it around the wound in hopes that it would prevent an obvious pouring of bloodshed for a short while. When I saw that my crude bandage covered the wound, and my helmet hid my red-stained hand well enough, I left my cockpit, nodding at the mechanics nearby for permission to start work on repairing the Loyalty. I readily ignored Clayton Clark standing nearby, and proceeded towards the locker room.

As the door slid open, I saw Yzak sitting on the couch, glaring at me. What a welcome. I sighed as I realized Athrun and Dearka had not yet returned. He continued to gaze at me as I went over to my locker. I stopped, realizing I would need both hands to open the locker and change. So instead, I turned to look at Yzak, who still was glaring at me.

"What do you want?" I asked, annoyed, disregarding all formal conduct.

"You shouldn't have done what you did," he said lamely.

I decided not to reply to such a stupid statement.

"Okay, _why_ did you…save me?" He grimaced at the word.

I took a deep breath.

"I don't know, Joule," I said resignedly, "I just felt like it was what I had to do. I just…just couldn't let you die right there. I'm sure you would do the same for even me and Athrun, should the situation have called for it."

Yzak pondered that for a moment, looking at me all the while, and then said slowly, "Yeah…I guess so."

I realized with amusement that this might have been the first time a conversation between us had lasted for more than 5 seconds without ending in argument.

"You sure you're unharmed, though? The saber cut up the cockpit pretty badly" Yzak continued, eyeing me again suspiciously, zeroing in on the many cuts that covered my torso from flying metal.

I tightened my left hand, and said impassively, "Positive. These cuts are really shallow. Now get out of here so I can change in peace for once."

His cheeks reddened slightly at the comment and after one, final suspecting glance at my face, left the locker room.

I sighed and dropped the helmet. Blood was already starting to seep through the blanket-bandage and drip to the floor. With great difficulty, and wincing all the while, I managed to change back into my uniform somehow without getting blood everywhere. Making sure that I left no trace of blood anywhere, I left the locker room, my body beginning to become sore and my hand throbbing. I briskly half-jogged down the hallway towards the infirmary, where I found to my relief the absence of the doctor. He was probably down at the hangar attending to injured greencoats. Helping myself to the ample supply of clean bandages and antibacterial formulas, I cleaned out the injury on my palm that had finally stopped bleeding, hissing and wincing as the liquid burned my torn skin. I realized that the wound was a lot deeper than I originally thought it was, and I couldn't flex or move my fingers without some kind of pain accompanied. I bandaged it up, then turned my attention to the other cuts on my body, which really weren't all that bad; at least I had been truthful to Yzak in that aspect.

Done treating myself, I finally moved in front of the body-length mirror on the wall. Using the large size of the uniform coat that was a little too big for me to my advantage, I adjusted the sleeve so that it covered up the palm of my hand. And even if someone did see it and questioned it, I could always pass it off as a small cut; after all, it _was_ a small wound, just deep.

Feeling accomplished and ignoring the dull throbbing of my left hand, I left the infirmary and headed towards the hangar. As I grew closer, I suddenly heard loud, fast footsteps racing in my direction. Confused, I paused.

"LILIA!" I heard Athrun cry as he bounded around the corner and right into me.

I froze in shock as Athrun embraced me tightly, as he said, "Oh my god, when I saw that beam saber go right into the Loyalty, I swear, my heart stopped. You have to be more careful! God, that scared the hell out of me!"

He finally let me go, but kept me at shoulder length. He passed his eyes over my face.

"You okay?" he asked sincerely, "Not hurt?"

It was harder to lie when I was staring at his beautiful green eyes. I swallowed, and said feebly, "Yeah. Just a few cuts. Shallow ones. I'm fine."

Athrun kept silent, but then nodded and let go of my shoulders.

"Go get changed," I chided, playfully jabbing him in the arm. He was still in his pilot suit, most likely running to find me as soon as he touched down into the hangar.

Just then, Dearka stepped around the corner as well and beamed at me.

"Thank god, Lilia! How's Yzak?"

"Uhhh" I mumbled.

Dearka laughed.

"He'll come around. I bet he was scared shit the most out of all of us, though. Cut him some slack," he said, winking, as he turned to return to the locker room.

I nodded.

Athrun turned to follow, as he said to me, "Go get some rest, Lilia. I'll tell Captain that you won't be able to attend the follow-up meeting. He'll understand."

"But-" I interjected.

"No." Athrun cut in with a tone of finality.

I sighed and grimaced at him. He smiled back in response and ruffled my hair.

"See you later!" he called lightly as he left.

I watched him disappear around the corner, then turned to slowly lug myself to the room. I saw in surprise that Yzak, already changed back in to his uniform, was standing leaned against the wall next to the door. He lifted his head as I approached, and swiftly opened the door for me. I eyed him flatly as I stepped into the room, him following from behind. All this uncharacteristic behavior from him was really starting to creep me out. We stood in the dark room for a long, awkward moment, until Yzak finally said, "I'm going to get this done and over with!"

I looked at him confused. He looked me squarely in the eye, stepped forward to close the distance between us, and said in a loud, formal voice, "Thank you for saving me."

I blinked. Did Yzak Joule just say what I thought he had said? As soon as the words left his lips he turned a dark shade of red, looking like he just committed a terrible sin. I sighed at his reaction. This guy seriously had some issues in communicating. But not like I could say much, I guess.

"You're…uh, welcome," I responded.

We stood like that for another awkward moment until Yzak broke the silence again, saying brashly, "Sleep! Get some rest so you don't kill yourself for real this time."

"Whatever," I muttered as I walked towards my bunk.

"Oh, have this, too" he said in a reluctantly desperately-trying-to-sound-kind voice.

I turned just in time to see him toss a water bottle at me. Not even thinking, I reflexively reached to catch it with my primary left hand. I realized my mistake too late, and the hard bottle hit the wound on my palm directly. The water bottle dropped to the ground with a loud clang, and I cried out as I doubled over in pain, cradling my hand to my chest.

All I could think of was the searing pain, waiting for it to subside as I distantly heard Yzak yelling my name. As soon as my head cleared, I realized that he had dropped on one knee in front of me to be at my level and had both hands on my arms, shaking me.

The pain finally subsided to the dull throb that was constantly present, and I reluctantly raised my head to meet Yzak's livid face inches from mine.

"You. Lied. To. Me." He spat.

I simply stayed silent, not wanting to aggravate him further.

"Show me," he commanded.

I kept my hand at my chest, not knowing what I should do.

"Show me your fucking hand, Axelman, I know you're hurt there!" he yelled.

Finally growling at my incompliance, he attempted to pry my hands from off my chest. When I gave a fight, he resorted to squeezing my left hand in a way that brought agonizing pain back to my nerve system. I cried out again as my muscles went limp from the pain, and Yzak successfully pulled my injured hand towards him. As I recovered from the subsiding pain, I saw him glaring at me, as if daring me to try to pull away. I simply bit my lip, knowing that I had no choice. I sat still as he unraveled the bandage and inspected my wound. It had started bleeding again.

After a long moment, he hissed, " 'Fine', my ass!"

I remained unresponsive, just looking at his piercing azure gaze.

"Come on, we're having the doctor look at it."

I finally opened my mouth, "No, we're not."

"What the hell? You're acting like a fucking kid not wanting to go to a check-up or something!"

"It's not even that big of a deal!"

"Last time I checked, an injury that looked like something pierced almost right clean through your hand _was_ a big deal, you stupid woman!"

"Why do you care, anyways?"

"Why do _you _care so much about having a doctor look at it? Why were you hiding it in the first place!"

We continued bickering as Yzak tried to pull me to a standing position to drag me to the infirmary. I planted my feet on the ground, fighting against his pull. I really didn't even know why I tried to hide my injury. It was just the thought of having to submit to people and have them labor and worry over me because of some stupid injury that bothered me. Perhaps it was the outcome of so many years spent trying not to cause trouble to the Zalas. In my younger years, I would often hide my many scrapes, bruises and cuts from Lady Zala and Athrun, because I didn't want them to fuss. I wanted them to be happy, all the time.

I played a fierce game of tug-of-war with Yzak as he tried to pull me towards the door. Whatever the reason, the last guy I would ever submit to was Yzak Joule. A rarely shown, stubborn side of my personality emerged as I fought against his grip, as we threw insults at each other like immature children. Finally, from one of us stepping on the other's foot, we lost balance, and fell sideways on to Dearka's bunk on the right. I blushed when I realized that I was pinned underneath Yzak, our legs tangled together in a suggestive position. We both looked at each other, just comprehending the situation when the door opened, admitting Dearka and Athrun.

"Oh, god-" Dearka blurted at the sight. "On my bed, too!"

I wanted to face palm at the aspect Dearka decided to comment on, but decided my first priority was to get out of the present situation. Yzak apparently thought the same thing, as he literally jumped away from me like I was some rabid dog, the color of his face nearly purple.

"Ugh…" I groaned as I sat up, carefully stepping out of the bunk so as not to bump my head against the upper bunk.

"Athrun!" Yzak was shouting unnaturally loudly. "Take Axelman to the infirmary! And Dearka, IT IS NOT WHAT YOU WERE THINKING, YOU DISGUSTING, DAMN PERVERT."

With that, he strode out of the room, seething.

Dearka blinked after him, then turned on me, smirking as he said, "So I guess you _made up_ with him, huh?"

I mercilessly grinded my heel onto his foot, satisfied as he cried out in pain.

I turned to Athrun, as I said quickly, "I'm sorry, he was trying to pull me towards the door and I was fighting against him, and then we lost our balance, and-"

"Somehow landed on my bed in an intimate position" Dearka cut in gleefully.

He stepped away quickly before I could give him another taste of my foot.

Athrun looked unfazed; rather, he looked serious.

"Lilia, what is that on your hand?"

Before I could say anything, he took my left hand and brought it forward.

"I'm sorry, Athrun…" I murmured. This was why I didn't want people to know. The look of pain on his face already was enough.

"I guess old habits never change, huh?" he said, trying to curve his lips upward into a smile, "You used to try to hide your cuts and stuff from Mother and I all the time."

Ignoring Dearka, he gently pushed me out towards the door.

This time, I complied obediently.

* * *

><p>I had to have my hand placed into a cast that kept my arm at a forty-five degree angle, and I was banned from any mobile suit activity for two weeks. Yzak refused to speak with me, yet somehow threw his unsaid messages at me through quick, brief glares at my direction. Dearka continued to give unwanted grief about the now taboo incident to me, taking advantage of the immobility of my hands.<p>

I was worried the whole time during my ban and while the Loyalty was being fixed, that an attack would come and I would be unable to do anything. However, our victory at the last battle, one in which I could not see to the end, against the Earth Alliance division proved in keeping the Vesalius at peace for a short while.

About a month and a half later, when the Loyalty was finally fixed, and my hand was out of the damned cast, a cry rang out from the intercom. The red alert alarm was raised.

"Archangel and Strike spotted! I repeat, Archangel and Strike spotted! All hands report to your posts! All pilots to the briefing room!"

I looked over at Athrun, who had a mixed expression of horror and determination on his face.

_Kira_.

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><p><strong>Oh my god, I am so so so sooo sorry for my terrible delay in updating. Especially when I said that I would update very soon in my last chapter. Well, I ended up changing the content and rewriting the chapter entirely, and also, I spent the last few months practicing like hell for my music school auditions. My last audition finished last week, so now I am free! After partying much in New York City (location of my final audition last week), I finally settled down to celebrate my newfound free time, and thus I deliver you my latest chapter. <strong>

**Thank you to my reviewers, IgNighted, Arisa-chan, and BadCommunication! **

**A special thank you to IgNighted; you have reviewed every single chapter thus far and have always given me positive support to this story. You are awesome! Thanks so much! :DD**

**Again, (starting to feel like a beggar for money lol) if you are reading this story, please review! I would reallllly love to know what you think and what would be better for me to change or improve on. I don't bite! I looove reviews and they mean a lot to me! **

**And also, another reminder: I won't be following the original Seed plot. I will be using plot ELEMENTS, but not necessarily in the exact timeline or ways it happens in the anime. Again, I feel like copying the original story scene by scene isn't that original and ruins the point of a fanfiction. **

**Anyway, thanks for reading! Hoping to see feedback! ;D**

**Until next chapter!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Extra long chapter this time in apology for a late update! Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>The same flash of orange flashed across my peripheral vision, once again. I groaned in annoyance as the small mobile armor flitted its way through numerous explosions, some caused by it, as it continued shooting at me and the other GINNs.<p>

The Archangel loomed in the distance, fending off petty enemies and participating in the battle with powerful blows of beam. Our battle had been raging for quite a while now, yet we still couldn't get any closer to the Archangel than we had an hour ago. This fleet was definitely a different story in terms of power level to any of the other EA fleets we had fought in the past.

The regular, now almost constant grunts of frustration came from my three male teammates on the link, as we all became more and more agitated at the absence of the white Gundam we were all waiting for.

"Where the hell is the Strike!" Dearka growled angrily, as he shot at the mobile armor, missing once again as the little orange evaded its way through danger.

"Get lost already, you stupid bug!" Yzak shouted as he attempted to shower the mobile armor with beam shots, to no avail.

I eyed it on my screen, trying to pinpoint a pattern in its movements. Why wasn't this stupid mobile armor going down? Especially against four Gundams!

I tackled five mobile suits at once, clearing them easily, as I destroyed another small command ship behind them. My face hot from under the helmet and my hair starting to fall into my eyes, my bad mood caused me to attack brashly against the unfortunate enemies who had decided to come near the Loyalty at that moment, as I shot and hacked my way through them with absolute no mercy.

Just as my battery level reached red, and I felt that I was about to scream from sheer frustration, I heard a high cry from one of the guys-I wasn't focused enough to identify who-causing me to raise my head and spot the Strike emerging from the Archangel.

Kira.

Before I could move, the Dual zipped forward, moving through the slick columns of exploding mobile suits and beams, accompanied by a raw yell from its pilot. Ignoring the temptation to cut off the link with him in order to spare my ears, I followed after him, with Athrun and Dearka close behind me. We met the Strike half way through the battlefield; as we circled around it, the Dual and Buster mercilessly shot beams. The Aegis hung a little behind, shooting its gun aimlessly, more often hitting other nearby enemies but not the Strike. I glanced up at the screen to see Athrun's face, contorted in conflict and angst. My heart pained at his sorrowful expression, but it was too late now. We had already decided.

Even though my whole mentality was shouting against it, I opened my mouth and said, "Athrun."

At my call, he perked his head up from its downward position, giving me the full effect of his pain-filled gaze.

Swallowing with difficulty, but knowing it had to be done, I continued, "You told Kira last time. You told him that next time you met him, you would shoot him. Athrun, you have to do it. You have to fight him. He killed Nicol."

I finished without once raising my voice, staring into his eyes the whole time. Athrun's eyes widened a little as I spoke, but narrowed as I finished.

"I know…" he whispered, barely audible.

"You told what to who?" Dearka asked loudly, who I had forgotten was linked to the whole conversation, as he blasted another shot at the Strike, who dodged it easily. Dearka cursed as Athrun shouted, speeding forward, "Nothing!"

The Strike stumbled a little as the Aegis became fully involved in the scuffle.

"Athrun, don't get in the way!" Yzak yelled as he fought tooth and nail with a saber, cursing as Kira deflected each blow with a smartly placed shield or gun.

Despite what I had just told Athrun, I came face-to-face with my own conflicting emotions in shooting murderous beams at this white Gundam that contained Kira Yamato. I hung back, clearing out the area of smaller enemies, so that my teammates could fight easier. Dearka helped me from having to think longer as he shouted offhandedly, "Lilia! The Archangel!"

I swiftly turned my attention back to the huge, white battleship which was now considerably closer. I saw the mobile armor in the distance, busy against numerous GINNs. Kira was completely preoccupied with fending off the Aeigs, Buster, and Dual simultaneously. The Archangel was unprotected; now was my chance. I pressed on the accelerator, racing towards it. Evading from side to side the green beams that the battleship shot at me, I soon found myself some mere feet away from it. Landing on one of the side wings, I pulled out my main gun and began shooting off the mounted cannons and shooters, flitting this way and that as unskilled mobile suits attempted to shoot at me. When the whole left side of the Archangel was cleared of any weaponry, I began to move over to the right side when I realized that what I had to do was much simpler. I could just move over to the front of the ship, and blast away the little compartment jutting out from the top center that held the commander and communicators. Breathing heavily, I flew over to the front of the Archangel, landing right in front of the little commanding area that was surrounded by windows. I was so close to it that zooming up just a little into one of the window panels would give me a complete, clear view of the people inside. Why was this so much harder than destroying all the other command ships? Was it because I had had personal contact with some of the people in there? The dim, fading memory of the brunette commander and the black-haired woman came to mind, along with the annoyingly cheerful LaFlaga, as well as Sai and Miriallia. I felt myself falter when I remembered the last two. They had helped me escape, and yet here I was, ready to kill them in one blast of a beam. My heavy heart almost convinced me that I couldn't do such a horrible thing, when I remembered one more person. The image of the red-haired Flay came to mind, her racist curses streaming through my head like I had heard them just yesterday.

That's right, who was I kidding. These were all just mindless Naturals who were using Kira. Just because I had seen their faces didn't mean that they were to be spared. Narrowing my eyes, I raised my gun at the commanding nest, yelling, "You Naturals can't even do anything without Kira's help!"

An outside blast of beam shot my gun away just as I was about the pull the trigger. Cursing, I realized I was so focused on the Archangel I hadn't noticed the orange mobile armor speeding back to me from behind. Twisting the Loyalty around, I pulled out my specialty beam saber, twirling it around as I brandished it. Being forced away from the Archangel as I deflected each beam with a twist of the saber, I noted on my screen that my teammates were having about as much success as I was. With even more tenacity than this annoying mobile armor, the Strike dodged and floated away from every single attack that the ZAFT Gundams attempted to bring upon it, adding to the now peaking frustrations of the pilots. The inaction was beginning to piss me off, too. At least this mobile armor was fighting. Kira was simply dodging, and only using his gun to shoot a few times. He was a quick one, scurrying to and fro, like an uncatchable butterfly constantly in flight. I quickly began to understand the seething annoyance and anger that the crew of the Vesalius was garnering for the Strike.

It still really didn't make much sense at all, though, this whole situation. I didn't understand how Kira was such an advanced, extremely well-abled pilot. According to his story from when I was on the Archangel, he had been a simple normal civilian who was pulled into the war. How could such an individual, within a matter of months, be able to fight on par against four trained, military school top pilots? And simultaneously, on top of that? Albeit, he seldom went on the offensive.

Reining my attention back to the mobile armor, I began focusing on every aspect of the little machine; how it detached from its missiles, how it flitted sideways every time it dodged, how its speed lowered when it was about to shoot. Pouring in my utmost focus and determination, I soon pinpointed every weakness in the maneuvering, and as it flew towards me, I swiftly swiped my saber sideways, disarming it in one, clean swing. The Archangel blasted a beam at me, making me miss the chance to fully finish off the mobile armor. Frustration filled me as I saw the intact cockpit of the mobile armor fall safely onto the left leg of the Archangel, retreating within its confines into the hangar. Completely aggravated now, I turned on the Archangel, determined to destroy it. I found it easier to stay with the conviction when I thought that Flay was on the ship; found it easier to think of everyone on the ship as hypocritical, peace-breaking Naturals who killed Lady Zala. With a yell that distinctly resembled Yzak's, I raised my saber high, racing towards the front of the ship.

I hadn't even realized him coming up from behind me. Was I wrong to think that it would be impossible for him to get through Yzak, Athrun, and Dearka simultaneously? Well, I suppose that the fact that he had survived many battles against them previously was saying something, but, still. His movement was…inhumanly fast…even for a Coordinator.

I gasped in shock as the Strike literally popped up behind me, kicking the Loyalty right in the back of the cockpit. I cried out in surprise as the action sent a violent jostle into my cockpit, the force of the kick moving me out of my seat and slam into the keyboard in front of me, despite the seat belt. I coughed as I rubbed the spot on my stomach that the keyboard had come in contact with, glaring at the white Gundam that was now before me. I dodged swiftly as it shot at me. Why the sudden aggressiveness? And not just because he was now on the offensive, something about Kira's movements were not normal…Like they were enhanced, improved, heightened. I grunted as Kira shot off the right leg of the Loyalty.

I couldn't dodge it. He was too fast.

A hurtled yell from the left screen alerted me to Yzak's appearance as the Dual sped into the scene, swinging its saber at the Strike. The Strike deflected with its own respective saber, and shot at it, circling around to shoot at it from behind.

Still confused at the Strike's suddenly enhanced performance, I swung at its legs, missing as it flew upwards.

"Damn it!" I hissed as I followed it pathetically, waving the saber wildly.

The Strike blasted me away with another shot to the Loyalty's arm. My curses were cut short as I caught sight of Yzak hurtling headfirst towards the Strike. Horror filled me as I couldn't help remembering a distinctly familiar scene from my previous battle unfolding before me. Helpless with my badly battered Gundam that was now on the brink of its battery life, I could not move the Loyalty fast enough to stop the knife that the Strike plunged right into the Dual's cockpit.

"JOULE!" I screamed, speeding forward as fast as I could.

The Strike now visibly faltered, floating motionlessly as if in confusion.

Yells erupted from the left screen as Yzak screamed in pain.

Dread filled me as I saw in the screen Yzak holding his face. His helmet visor was cracked, and it was covered in blood.

"Athrun, Dearka, help!" I cried desperately as I flew over to the Dual, grasping it from behind as support while the Strike continued to stay motionless nearby.

Tugging the Dual along, I linked to the Vesalius, as I urgently called "Commander LeCreuset! The Dual is unable to fight! The Loyalty is almost out of power, too! I request retreat!"

He answered my plea promptly with a flare light from the Vesalius in the distance, signaling retreat.

The situation stayed chaotic as Athrun and Dearka's confused outcries mixed in with the strangled yells continuing to come from Yzak.

I saw Athrun staring with hard eyes at the now speeding-away Strike, apparently able to move again after its odd frozen-state, but not in its previous, equally odd, enhanced state.

As I flew back towards the Vesalius with the Dual in my arms, I called out, "Joule! Joule!"

Yzak ignored me and continued cradling his face, covering it from view. He had stopped yelling out, but I could see the blood still dripping from the helmet.

I sighed. But if he could manage to yell like that the whole while, the damage certainly wasn't life-threatening, at the least. Even so, the blood seeping through his cracked helmet was worrying me, as I hurriedly flew into the Vesalius, docking haphazardly with the Dual. Flipping my cockpit door open with a click, I flew towards the cockpit of the Dual, banging on the doors.

"Joule, open it!" I shouted, hitting the door persistently. The cut that Kira had made in the Dual's cockpit was not big enough to get in or see through.

The cockpit doors remained obsoletely shut.

"God damnit, Joule, just open your fucking cockpit! I know you can hear me!" I screamed as loud as I could.

After a long moment, the cockpit doors finally flicked open, unbalancing me for a moment. I grasped onto the edge of the now-open door, anchoring myself as I pulled my body into the small space.

He was sitting motionlessly, still holding his hands against his helmet covered face.

I gently touched his hands. When he didn't move, I proceeded to try to pull it away from his face. They remained unmoving. When I pulled harder, he pulled against me. Something about this situation was strangely familiar.

Sighing, I said resignedly, "Joule, please."

When his hands still didn't budge, I paused, releasing him, trying to decide what to do. Athrun and Dearka had not docked yet, and the mechanics were beginning to pile up down below, yelling at us to hurry up and get out so they could start repairing. I suddenly realized that Yzak was shaking.

Trying once again, I reached out one hand, but this time rested it on his quivering right shoulder.

"Joule," I said softly, "you can trust me."

His shaking seeming to stop, he began lowering his hands. Gaping, I took my hand off his shoulder. He actually listened to me?

I squinted at his helmet-covered face. All I could see were pieces of shattered glass, blood, and blood-stained silver hair.

"I'm going to take off your helmet," I said clearly, not bothering to ask for permission as I reached around his head for the back of his helmet, pressing the little button that loosened the hold around the chin. When it came done, I gingerly pulled it off, tossing it aside. I sucked in my breath at the sight of Yzak's bloodstained face. Aware of his gaze locked on me, I gently brushed back his bangs covering what I believed to be the wound. Sure enough, in a gaping, straight line, there was a deep cut that ran a good three inches in between his nose and right eye. His said eye being shut firmly, he stared at me from his left one bleakly.

Suppressing my shock, I took both of his hands in my own and said as calmly as I could, "Come on, Joule."

Pulling him out of his seat, we floated down to the ground. Many of the mechanics gasped at the sight of his face. Letting go of one hand, but keeping my hold on his left, I swiftly pulled him along, evading the crowd that had gathered, and entered the hallway. Yzak obediently followed me, not even complaining about his hand I still grasped, as I lugged him along to the infirmary.

The doctor looked up from his desk as I opened the door, his mouth falling open at the sight of Yzak. Without asking any questions he bustled around, motioning for Yzak to sit on the bed, while warily glancing at our linked hands. I led him to the bed, sitting down beside him. Finally, Yzak seemingly snapped back into reality, whipping his hand out of its clasp with mine.

"I'm fine. Go," he said tersely with clenched teeth.

I knew better than to argue with this kind of Yzak. I gave him a look of indifference and stood up, leaving the infirmary without a second glance back. I could sense what was seething and bubbling under that tone of Yzak's. It was anger. Pure, venomous, outright anger.

Yzak was seeking revenge already , and Kira wasn't going to get away with it easily.

* * *

><p>"That personality of his is already bad enough; with that big-ass scar on his face, he's never going to be able to pick up girls!"<p>

"Dearka, really?"

"Come on, Athrun, you know it's true. It's gonna be a big problem."

"Sorry, I don't really place 'picking girls up' a top priority in my life."

"Oh, that's right, how could I forget? Mr. Pretty Boy is already engaged to the most wanted female in PLANTS. Of course you wouldn't care."

"Dearka!"

"You _do_ realize how lucky you are, right? There are so many guys out there who'd kill you just to tap that."

"Oh my god, can you stop?"

"I mean seriously, guys like you who don't give a shit always get the good ones while poor, hardworking guys like me-"

"Will you shut up?" I finally snapped, glaring daggers at the obnoxious blond.

Dearka raised an eyebrow at me, trying to hide a smirk as he said nonchalantly, "Sorry, Lilia."

Athrun glanced at me apologetically, still blushing a little from Dearka's comments.

I sighed, glancing at the clock. We had been sitting in the pilot briefing room for almost half an hour now, and Yzak still hadn't shown up. I was confused at Dearka's calmness. I, for one, was feeling extremely jittery, as we were supposed to get back out to attack the Archangel as soon as repairs on our Gundams were done. I was about to get up and get a drink from the vending machine when the intercom sounded.

"Lilia Axelman, please report to the commander's room. Lilia Axelman, report to the commander's room."

I narrowed my eyes and glanced at Athrun, confused, but he simply shook his head, not knowing what was going on, either.

"I'll be back," I said unnecessarily as I walked out of the room, leaving poor Athrun subject to Dearka's dirty talk.

People were milling about in the hallway, gearing up for our next attack. Numerous times I would hear passing whispers that would stop abruptly when the person talking saw me. No doubt they were gossiping about Yzak's facial wound.

I finally reached Commander LeCreuset's room, and entered upon his permission. As soon as I stepped in, he shut a desk drawer, but not before I caught a split-second sight of a container holding what looked like hundreds of white-blue pills. My ever apparent suspicion of the masked man mounting even more, I saluted to him, and said, "You called me, sir?"

"Yes…" he started slowly, shuffling some papers before he turned to face me, clasping his hands underneath his chin. The worst part about his mask was that you couldn't even tell where his eyes were looking behind the glazed white plastic.

"It has come to our attention," he continued, "our, meaning Chairman Zala, I and some of the other Vesalius crew members, that you are exceptionally skilled in the handling of the beam saber."

"Master…?" I asked, confused.

"As per his request, I have been sending him reports of your performance while onboard the Vesalius. He has been pleased."

A brief feeling of pleasure swept through me. Master was pleased with my work so far!

"Chairman Zala reviewed footage of you battling in action many times, and based on your fighting style, ordered the creation of a weapon specifically useful to you."

I mouth hung open a little. I waited for him to continue.

"It arrived to the Vesalius today, shortly after you guys retreated," LeCreuest said, "I think you will take a liking to it. It seems you have a skilled tendency in swinging a beam saber around with precision, and knocking out mobile suits like that. This weapon will make that easier."

"I…I don't even know how to thank-" I began, still a little shocked.

"Thanks are not needed," LeCreuset cut in, "Just fight as you normally do with this weapon, and that will be thanks enough to Chairman Zala. He told me to tell you that you do not need to contact him about this."

I nodded.

He motioned me forward, around his desk. I moved tentatively around the desk to his side, feeling a little uncomfortable at the proximity. He gestured at the computer screen. "Here it is," he said.

My brief feeling of discomfort forgotten, I stared in awe at the diagrams laid out on the screen. My new weapon. It was a huge scythe, the same size of the beam saber, but with the curved, elongated blade at the end. Before I could help myself, I whispered, "Wow…"

LeCreuset smirked, opening his mouth to say something when the second-in command rushed into LeCreuset's office without even knocking.

"The Archangel!" he said urgently, "Its movements are irregular; it appears to be moving towards the outer layer of the Earth's stratosphere!"

LeCreuest abruptly stood up, then said to me, "I suppose now is a good time to use your new weapon, is it not, Lilia?"

I looked at him, then nodded slowly. The three of us walked out of the office, only to be confronted by a loud scene involving a certain silver-haired individual.

"Joule!" I exclaimed.

Yzak was pulling hard against the grip of the doctor, barking out against two other soldiers gathered around him.

"I am going to go out and fight if it's the last thing I do!" he yelled, tugging violently at the doctor's grip.

"But Yzak," a young Greencoat objected, "your eye! You can't fight like that!"

Yzak began clawing at the white bandages covering the right side of his face.

"Yzak, don't-"

I held my breath as the bandages fell to the floor. An ugly, red scar ran down the right side of his face, disrupting his otherwise generally handsome features.

Yzak stopped fighting against the doctor, and said in his most dangerous, soft voice, "I am going to destroy the Strike. This is why this scar has to be seen."

He glanced around, and finally spotted me a few feet away for the first time. His eyes were glinting in hard anger. All I could do was stare back, a little frightened. When the men began to object again, LeCreuset stepped in, putting a hand on the doctor's shoulder.

"Let him go," he said in a tone of finality.

With a sigh, the doctor let go of Yzak's arms. Yzak gave a cutting "thank you" to LeCreuset, then, glancing at me one more time, rushed off.

"What are you waiting, for, Lilia? You need to hurry too; the Archangel is trying to descend to Earth," LeCreuset said to me in the eerily calm voice of his.

I wanted to cringe at the shrewd smile he gave towards Yzak's distant figure down the hall.

"Yes, sir," I said quietly, saluting as I hurried off as well.

Before long, I found myself sitting in the cockpit of the Loyalty for the second time that day, ready to launch. I mentally repeated to myself what the mechanic told me about how to equip the new scythe that Master had given me. A feeling of determination coursed through me as I gripped the lever, launching out the second I received the green signal.

Outside, the Dual speeded ahead, already brandishing out a gun and beam saber.

"Is Yzak going to be okay?" Dearka asked worriedly through the link, warily eyeing his friend from afar.

"Yzak should know more than anyone else what he's doing. We have to trust him on this," Athrun said grimly.

"There it is!" I hissed as the Archangel came into view, clearly headed towards the enormous blue-green planet that loomed in the distance.

"Go!" Athrun said, "And remember, don't go farther than Indigo 47; you'll get pulled into the Earth's gravity!"

"Roger!" Dearka and I responded in unison, speeding off.

"The Strike! Where's the damn Strike!" Yzak yelled, his voice cracking.

I glanced at his face in the screen warily. Yzak was obviously not very mentally stable right now; that was never a good thing in battle. Why had LeCreuset allowed him to fight?

As if in answer, a white Gundam zipped out of the Archangel, headed straight for us.

Yzak immediately catapulted forward in response, blinded by frenzied anger as he shot and shot at the Strike. Athrun and Dearka soon joined in.

I took a deep breath, then began typing on my keyboard, readying my new scythe. A loud click that resonated throughout the cockpit alerted me that it was ready, and I pulled it out of the Loyalty's led, waiting as the weapon unfolded itself out into its full, intimidating length. I felt…powerful, wielding it. A cruel smile playing on my lips, I launched forward into the sea of mobile suits, cutting down one after another after another. This scythe was a hundred times better than my beam saber; the curved blade made it easy to swing it across, allowing me to destroy five or more mobile suits at once. Dearka habitually whistled as I twirled it around, causing destruction with every movement.

A group of ten mobile suits lunged towards me, their guns raised. I rotated the Loyalty, knocking one mobile suit into another with the butt of the scythe. I surveyed the situation on my screen, when an idea popped into my head. The suits were situated in way that they surrounded me in a small, semi-circle. Itching to try my idea out, I made sure the scythe was grasped firmly in the Loyalty's hands. Then, without warning, I brandished the blade out sideways, and spun the Loyalty around in a blindingly fast, full 360 degree circle. The force of the blade was such that it easily cut through all ten mobile suits in a row, creating a succession of explosions around me. I flew upwards, escaping the exploding ring, and gravitated towards the ongoing battle with the Strike. The Aegis moved to the left, providing a pocket just big enough for me. Not wanting to waste the chance, I dove in, scythe raised high. The Strike evaded at the last moment, jetting out sideways. Grunting, I hitched the back end of my scythe up, catching Kira in surprise as I hit his legs, knocking him over. Semi-satisfied that I had finally landed a blow on him, I channeled more energy into the blade of the beam-scythe, going after Kira. The Strike fumbled with its saber as it attempted to deflect my gradually growing aggressive attacks, not letting it a second of respite as I hacked and hacked, flitting around constantly as I tried different angles.

"Axelman, get out of the way, he's MINE!" Yzak shouted, coming in from behind as he shot a beam.

Using Yzak's distraction to my advantage, I swung the scythe, cutting off the Strike's left arm, disarming it of its main beam gun.

"Why do you never fight back!" Yzak cried in frustration as he shot another beam, only to have it dodged by Kira.

I soon realized that we were getting dangerously close to the edge of where the Earth's gravity began taking effect.

"Get back!" I cried.

The Buster immediately flitted back, but as I had guessed, Yzak remained stubborn as he continued attacking the Strike. To my surprise, Athrun didn't let up either, driving at the Strike in determination.

As the battle between the Gundams raged, I saw through the corner of my eye a small, white passenger ship launch out of the Archangel, slowly entering the gravitational pull. "What the…" I mouthed.

Yzak didn't miss it either. The Strike froze, allowing me to land a swing on it as I cut off its head. My success surprised me as I realized Kira was distracted. Athrun faltered as well, confused by the Strike's motions. The Strike immediately moved forward as the Dual raised its gun; not in the direction of the Strike, but at the passenger ship.

"Pathetic soldiers who try to escape during battle don't deserve to live!" he screamed, pulling the trigger.

I didn't try to stop the Strike as it raced forward, but it was too late, the ship exploded, killing the soldiers or whoever were inside of it. The Strike suddenly turned limp and unmoving. "Now!" yelled Athrun as he rushed forward.

"Shit!" Dearka cried from the distance. "The Archangel already entered the sphere!"

I saw him pull the Dual back away, despite Yzak's protests.

My cockpit began rattling from pressure as I realized I was dangerously on the border. Sweat ran down my face like bullets, as I moved my heavy body. Maybe it was too late for the Archangel, but we could still get the Strike. I followed after Athrun, realizing that Kira was attempting to get on the Archangel, so he could descend along with it. Fighting against the gravity, the Aegis raised its gun blearily, shooting at the Strike. A beam landed on the Strike's other arm, unbalancing it. I realized my scythe was not well out for this situation. Quickly storing it back, I whipped out my beam gun and began shooting as well. I almost had to stop myself from taking off my helmet to wipe my face of sweat. The growing, intense heat was getting too much for me and I felt like I was on the danger of passing out.  
>"Athrun…!" I panted heavily.<p>

Whether or not he could hear me, I didn't know, but he didn't respond, instead crying out in frustration, "KIRA!"

It was too late. We were too far behind the Strike. We watched in screaming frustration as the Strike landed on the Archangel, touching down on one knee.

"God damnit!" Yzak yelled.

A glance to the left showed me in horror that the Aegis was turning gray. It was out of power.

"Athrun!" I screamed, revving up my engine as I tried to fight against the gravitational pull. A horrible beeping noise alerted me that the Loyalty was out of power, too.

"Oh, god…no…" I whispered, slamming down the foot pedal uselessly.

"Axelman! Athrun! Hurry!" Yzak shouted from next to the Buster.

"I…can't…" Athrun breathed heavily, the heat and pressure getting to him.

I soon realized that without the Phase Shift Armor, the heat was slowly burning off the metal of our Gundams. We didn't have the proper protection to be here. We were going to die.

Athrun looked at me with glazed eyes from the screen, sweating and panting.

"Lilia…" he whispered desperately.  
>I could hear and see only Athrun, tuning out the outside, chaotic yells coming from Dearka, Yzak and the Vesalius. I could feel my eyelids drooping shut, as the heat muddled up my thinking and senses. Perhaps it would not be so bad to die here. The last thing I would see would be Athrun's green eyes on the screen, as he said my name like it was the only thing that mattered. Not bad at all. I had been able to use Master's scythe, and I had been able to meet and become relatively close with Yzak and Dearka. Beyond my past that I couldn't remember and my few years spent with the Zala family, my life wasn't all too bad. Maybe…I could…let go…?<p>

A sharp pain in my chest brought me harshly back into reality. I clutched the front of my pilot suit, coughing as I attempted to breathe with difficulty. I shook my head, trying to focus as I saw Athrun still staring at me with a dazed look on his face. Had I been about to give up without even trying to save him? Disgusted at myself, I tried to breathe in and out, but the air was becoming constricted. I clutched at my chest, despairing once again, when I realized the answer, clear as day.

The N-jamm cancellers.

Nuclear power.

Infinite energy.

I pulled out my keyboard, typing fanatically, trying to remember where the data I stored for nuclear power was. I grappled with myself, but I knew I must do it. I was disobeying Master. He had told me strictly to never use it, but I had to. Right?

I took a feverish breath as the screen asked me if I wanted to activate the cancellers. As soon as I pressed yes, numerous beeps sounded in my cockpit, alerting me to the locations of various nuclear power sources. I latched onto the closest one, and forcibly channeled a monstrous load of energy back into the Loyalty's system. Within a matter of seconds, the phase shift armor was restored, and I found myself gliding against the gravitational pull with ease. I swiftly grabbed the Aegis in my arms and with a burst of powerful energy, blasted out of the Earth's outer ring, not stopping until I reached where the Buster and Dual were, many meters away.

"L-Lilia…" Dearka said incredulously, staring at me in awe.

Yzak gazed at me intensely through the screen.

Finally taking my first actual breath, I said tersely, "Let's go back."

Athrun came to halfway back to the Vesalius, and insisted on piloting himself. I led the three Gundams back, as I furiously typed on the keyboard, turning the cancellers off and deleting any source of information that could show that I had used them.

Once I had docked, I floated to the ground of the hangar, where my teammates were waiting.

Athrun stared at me with his usual, beautiful green eyes.

"You saved me," he said simply, "Thank you."

"Of course," I said softly.

"How did you do that?" Yzak asked suddenly.

My stomach lurched. "Do what," I asked uncomfortably.

"The Loyalty was out of power," he continued, not once taking his azure gaze off of my face, "how were you able to revive it?"

"I- I have a secret store of energy that I keep in the Loyalty" I lied, the words tumbling out of my mouth. "I never use it, so I didn't think of it until that moment."

Yzak narrowed his eyes in suspicion but didn't press the matter. I heaved an inward sigh of relief. Yzak was too perceptive. It scared me.

I felt detached, as if I was staring at myself from a far, and I was vaguely aware of Dearka thumping me on the back as he complimented my act. I didn't come to until I was sitting in the pilot briefing room, as LeCreuset said the words, "We will descend to Earth in the next hour, to pursue the Archangel. Get ready and in your positions."

* * *

><p>Earth.<p>

Planet Earth.

So green, and so…_big_.

The "ocean", that's what Athrun called it, stretched forward into infinity, and the sky was like a limitless, clear pool of blue. It was still hard for my mind to grasp that this sky was real, and that I was not looking at the inner side of the walls of a PLANTS colony. I had to admit to the beauty of Earth. After all, the graphics of PLANTS were modeled after Earth.

The Vesalius floated effortlessly atop the water. It surprised me previously to find out that the ship was prepared for Earth landings, and had a function for aquatic traveling. I took a deep breath of the air, trying to clear my mind. The trip down to Earth had not been a pleasant one; the constant shaking and lurching had caused me to throw up multiple times. I had locked myself up in the bathroom, but before long, I had to open for a persistent Athrun, who rubbed my back as I continued to be sick over the sink. I sighed and rested my head on the rail, gazing out into the ocean. I loved the scenery, and something deep in my mind stirred, telling me this scene was familiar, but that was absurd. I had never been to Earth. Never heard of it, even, until a few years ago.

LeCreuset had offered us a few days of rest, as the Archangel was still yet to be located, and our bodies needed time to adapt to the changes of Earth. I peered up at the sky again. Master was miles and miles away now. I exhaled, my mood dampening a bit. I turned my head at the sound of a door creaking open to the left, and I widened my eyes at the sight of Yzak walking towards me.

He wordlessly came up beside me, leaning forward on the railing in a similar way I was, peering out into the ocean.

After a few minutes of silence, he spoke up.

"How are you feeling?"

"Good," I answered truthfully.

He nodded, turning his head back towards the sea. I couldn't help gazing at his face, the scar an angry, red welt that splayed across his face. Yzak soon sensed my curious eyes and locked his gaze on mine.

"Does it look that bad?"

"Huh?"

"My scar."

"Uh…no, not really."  
>He cocked his head sideways at me. "Liar."<p>

"Wha-" I muttered.

He gave a small laugh and turned around.

"I don't really care," he said in a more serious tone, "I need this scar. Until I destroy that damn Strike, I'm not going to get rid of it. It's like my, what is it called…uh-"

"Vendetta?"

"Yeah, that," Yzak said, peering at me.

Another long minute of silence passed. Yzak broke it again.

"I'm sorry for how I acted during the battle."

I looked at him in shock. Someone was sure acting differently today.

"I don't know, being scarred by the Strike just kind of lit off a fuse in my head. I could tell you were fed up with me. Sorry."

I laughed lightly, "Used to it by now. Don't worry about it."

Yzak rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yeah," he said after a moment.

"Hm?"

"Thanks for, you know, taking…care of me. After the Strike got me."

My lips curved upward into a smile.  
>"No problem" I said.<p>

I sensed Yzak's gaze on me and looked up, saying, "What?"

"Oh, nothing, it's just I've never seen you smile before…"

"Oh whatever," I sniffed, quickly wiping the smile off my face.

"What the hell," Yzak chided.

"That's my line," I argued playfully, "I saved you that one time and then you go and get into the same situation again! My hand got speared for nothing."

Yzak's eye twitched and he turned towards me, "Yeah, well if I could have just seen through your screen that your hand was almost sliced through , I would have helped you too! But no, you try to hide it like a freak!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said sarcastically, "I wasn't aware that your humanitarian aid senses were tingling at that moment."

Yzak clicked his tongue.

"Stupid woman."

I let the comment slide, returning my attention back to the sea and the port that was looming gradually closer. But his two words made me realize something.

"Joule," I said.

"What?" Yzak responded, staring ahead at the port.

"You've stopped calling me 'bitch'," I said, surprised by my own discovery.

Yzak turned his head towards me, mouth hanging open. He clamped it shut after a few moments, swiveling his head back away from me.

"It's a degrading term to call women," he said in an almost amusing formal tone.

"Wow. You've changed," I observed simply.

Yzak huffed. "People tend to change, if you haven't noticed."

I sighed. "Whatever. At least you've changed in a good way."

"You think so?" Yzak asked, curiously.

I looked at him, but quickly averted my gaze.

"Sure," I replied.

We stayed silent like that until the Vesalius docked at the port.

"LeCreuset said we can go out into town, right?" I confirmed with Yzak.

"Yeah," he said. "I think this place was called…Los Angeles?" He hesitated with the foreign, unfamiliar word.

"Okay," I said, turning to leave, "I guess I'll go get changed, then."

"Wait."

I stopped as Yzak's hand took my wrist.

Turning to look at him, he brought my left hand forward. His touch was warm.

He inspected the indented, red scar in the middle of my palm where I had been pierced previously.

"Not being sexist here," Yzak said, staring at the scar, "but I still think it'd be bad for girls to have a scar on their face. I'm glad you didn't save me the second time, because I sure as hell wouldn't want to see _this_," he pointed at his scar, "on here," he poked my right cheek.

I laughed openly, smiling at him with full teeth.

"Okay Joule…See you later."

I flitted off, glancing backward before I left to see him still staring at me.

* * *

><p>Back in the room, I took out my only non-uniform outfit, changing into it. Months and months on a battleship had really worn me out, and I was eager to explore the big city. Thankful that my hair color was a normal one for Naturals, so that I could mix in with them without arousing suspicion of my Coordinator origins, I slipped on black leggings, throwing on a loose, short-sleeved, white shirt on top and pulling on brown, lace-up boots. I checked out with LeCreuset and stepped off the Vesalius on to solid ground. It felt weird walking on actual ground, weighed down by gravity. I squinted at the bright sun, putting on sunglasses that Athrun once gave me long ago. The weather was perfect, and I strolled away from the port, heading towards the busy streets. The Vesalius crew had labored to erase any outward evidence of the ship belonging to ZAFT, and as I glanced back, it mixed in quite well with the other battleships that were anchored at the port.<p>

The weather was perfect, and as the warm wind ruffled my hair, I felt content for the first time in years. Hundreds of people milled around me, chattering and laughing. Naturals.

How weird it was to be walking among them, pretending to be like them. But the funny thing was, when I wasn't in battle, I didn't feel a thing. I didn't feel hatred or disgust towards them. They were just normal civilians, enjoying the sun outside.

I strolled along, soon coming to a stop at a red light. I waited, watching an excessive number of sports cars drive by. So these were what cars on Earth looked like. I suddenly felt a tap to my shoulder. I looked up to see a grinning Dearka looking down at me.

"Oh god…" I said.

Dearka narrowed his eyes at me. "Good to see you, too. Hey, wanna join me?" He gestured to a café behind him.

I sighed. I didn't really know where I was going, anyway. "Sure," I replied.

We walked over, sitting at one of the tables outside. The table was shaded by a big umbrella sprouting from a hole in the middle of the table. A young waitress spotted us and started walking over. I resisted the terrible urge to roll my eyes as Dearka saw her and began smoothing his hair back. He had on his perfect smile plastered across his face as she came up.

"Can I get you something?" the waitress asked, glancing more at Dearka than me.

Oh, so the interest was mutual. How nice.

"Lemonade," I grunted unattractively, tossing the menu at Dearka's face.

Dearka perused the menu, his eyes lighting up as he found what he wanted.

"I want beer!"

The waitress paused. "Do you have an ID?"

"A what?" Dearka asked.

"An ID. You need proof to show that you're over 21 to purchase alcohol."

"Oh, come on," Dearka pouted, "I'm visiting from a…foreign place and we don't have that law. Please?"

He flashed a charming smile at the waitress, who visibly faltered.

"Um, well…I can't really…I don't know…"

Dearka dropped the smile and took the waitress' right hand in both of his own.

"It would mean _so_ much to me," he breathed, staring in to the poor girl's eyes, "if I could have bottle of beer to cool off after traveling all day. It's a kind of tradition at where I'm from, which is um…E-Egypt."

The waitress gulped, her face turning red.

"Please?" Dearka asked again, making wide puppy dog eyes at the waitress.

"O-One lemonade and one bottle of beer," she said, flustered.

Dearka beamed. "Thank you!" he exclaimed, kissing her hand.

I wanted to gag. The waitress floated away, obviously still on clouds.

I leaned my head on my right hand, disinterested. "You want beer that much?" I asked.

"Well, yeah," Dearka said, scratching the back of his head. "I used to drink it every time we stopped at a city in PLANTS. Kinda wondering if the beer on Earth is different."

I shrugged, fanning myself with a napkin that was sitting on the table. Before long, the waitress showed up with our drinks, setting them down and winking flirtatiously at Dearka before leaving.

I made a disgusted noise in my throat as I gulped down the lemonade, suddenly realizing that my throat was parched. Dearka downed almost half the bottle in one swig, burping loudly after he swallowed. I rolled my eyes at him, sipping out of my cup as I watched people walk by. For a few minutes we just sat and drank, not conversing.

"Hey, Lilia."

I looked up to see Dearka grinning mischievously. Uh-oh.

"Let's play spin-the-bottle."

"Excuse me?"

"Spin-the-bottle," he repeated, holding up his now empty beer bottle.

"No," I said flatly, draining the rest of my cup of lemonade.

"Oh c'mon!"

"Spin-the-bottle with two people? Are you stupid?"

Dearka ignored the insult and said, "How about this, we'll just have one round. We'll spin it until it points at someone, and the other person can ask them any question they like."

"So one person won't have to answer a question," I stated in a monotone.

"Well, we could both ask each other questions, but then we won't have to spin a bottle."

"Whatever," I sighed, "Just do it."

"Okay!" Dearka said gleefully. "Here we go!" He placed the bottle on the table and spun it.

It rotated gradually slower until it came to a pointing stop at Dearka.

"Are you serious?" whined Dearka.

"I don't really have anything to ask you," I said honestly.

"Oh c'mon, don't you want to know everything about me?"

"Not really."

"You don't have to be that damn honest…I was only joking…"

I sat staring at his face, thinking of what to ask him. I saw the waitress lingering in the distance, peering hopefully at Dearka and glaring at me. I sighed. Then I knew what I wanted to ask.

"Dearka," I said, "what type of girl do you like? Like, sincerely?"

Dearka looked surprised.

"Answer honestly," I warned.

He laughed, "Yeah, yeah."

"I actually have this answer ready in my mind already," he confessed.

I looked at him questioningly, prompting him to continue.

"My type of girl is a short haired brunette."

I spit back the ice cube I was chewing on back into the cup.

"_What_?"

"That's my answer," Dearka said clearly. There was no gleam of mischief in his eyes.

I remained silent, and he continued, "I actually really like short, shoulder-length hair. And I'm into brunettes. Yeah."

I suddenly became aware of my jet-black hair cascading down my back almost to my waist.

Dearka seemed to notice at the same time I did and crinkled his nose at me in fake disgust, "Sorry, but you're not my type."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm absolutely devastated," I responded sarcastically.

Short hair and brunette? That reminded me of…Miriallia…

I quickly turned that part of my brain off, not wanting to think about the Archangel and destroy my short bout of happiness I was experiencing.

"Um, so…" I began, "Why?"

Dearka raised an eyebrow at me.

"Why?" I pressed, "Why is it that specific description?"

Dearka sighed and leaned forward.

"Don't laugh," he started, glaring at me.

I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"That's basically a description of my mom."

My mouth hung open and I stared at Dearka's blond hair.

"You mom's a brunette?"

"Was."

"Huh?"

"Was a brunette. She died."

"Oh…I'm sorry."

Dearka shrugged, "It's okay. I'm over it now. But yeah, I always admired my mom's hair as a kid. She had the most beautiful hair…it was shoulder length. Hey, is it creepy that I like that in girl? Like, you know, does it seem like a mother complex of sorts?"

I shook my head.

"No," I said truthfully, "I think that's actually kind of…sweet."

He looked into my eyes, trying to make sure I wasn't kidding around.

"So your dad was a blond, then?" I asked.

"Yep," Dearka replied with a grin.

I smiled in response. Who would have known Dearka had a side to him like this?

"So what about you?"

"What?"

"Your parents, what are they like?"

I blinked at him.

"Um…I don't know."

Dearka stared at me.

"What do you mean…" he tentatively asked.

"Uh…well, I don't remember anything about myself before the age of around 5…"  
>"Seriously?" Dearka asked incredulously.<p>

"Yeah…" I confirmed, staring down uncomfortably, "I don't even know what age I actually am right now. I mean, I'm most likely 16 or 17, but who knows."

Dearka looked at me in wonder.

"Wow," he said, "didn't know that about you. But Athrun found you, right? At a church or something."

"Yeah," I said, smiling at the memory, "When I was around 7."

Dearka nodded. "Wonder why you don't remember anything before you were 5…" he mused, "Especially 'cause Coordinators are supposed to have pretty good memory from a young age."

I shrugged my shoulders, "Who knows."

Just then, the waitress appeared, a check in hand.

"Can I do anything else for you?" she asked sweetly, discreetly handing Dearka the check with what looked like her phone number written on it.

"Sorry," Dearka said, slapping some money on the table, "I'm not interested in blondes."

"Bye!" he called cheerfully to the shocked waitress as we walked away.

"That was rude," I commented when we were a few blocks away.

"Eh, whatever," Dearka replied with a grin.

We walked for a few more blocks when I abruptly stopped.

"What?" Dearka asked in an annoyed voice. He followed the gaze of my eyes.

Athrun was sitting on a bench by a fountain, reading a book. I swiftly crossed the pavement and plunked down on the bench beside him. Athrun looked up in surprise, but when he saw me his face morphed into a warm smile.

"Hey!"

"Hey," I replied, smiling back.

Dearka came up and sat on the bench on Athrun's other side.

"Oh hey, guess who decided to show up as well," Dearka said in his usual obnoxious tone.

I looked up to see Yzak walking towards us, looking very much different in his combination of pants and a polo shirt, rather than his usual ZAFT uniform ensemble. He rolled his eyes at Dearka's remark and sat down in the last space available on the bench, beside me.

I wondered what people would think of the odd sight of four, very different people all aligned and sitting on the same bench. How they would never guess that we were all Redcoats, and pilots of the very machines they were taught to fear. I looked at the reflection of the four of us in the window of a piano store that was directly across the street. I smiled.

I was not alone.

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><p><strong>Hey guys! I'm sorry for not updating for a few months. Life really tends to get in the way, haha. This past week, though, I have mapped out this WHOLE story. Previously, I was sorta writing on the flow and didn't know what direction I wanted to go, but now I know every single event that's going to happen, and I now have to just make sure all my ideas flow together in a coherent chronological order. Much excitement is to happen with Lilia! Well, hopefully, you guys think so hahahaha.<strong>

**I mentioned previously that I wanted Lilia to have little episodes where she could get to know her teammates better. Well, she had the bra thing with Yzak, so this time was Dearka's! Hope it was enjoyable. Also, I don't know if you could tell or not, but when Kira's performance was "enhanced" and "heightened", he was in SEED mode. Yay :D**

**Thank you so much to my reviewers: IgNighted, ZhiZhu, BadCommunication, Shenhu, and Arisa-chan! You guys are amazing!**

**Quick question to BadCommunication: is that name by chance derived from the B'z song with the same name? If you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, lol sorry! But I was just wondering.**

**Again, please please prettyyy please review! I love them so effing much you don't even know.**

**Well, hope this chapter wasn't a total fail!**

**See you next chapter!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey all! So fyi this chapter is a bit filler-ish but in my opinion is very meaningful to the plot. Enjoy!**

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><p><em>A beautiful sound prompted me to open my heavy eyelids, despite my tiredness. Was this…music? Pearly notes serenaded my ears, and my lips curved upwards in pleasure. I decided to keep my eyes closed, to continue to bask in the pleasant music for a while longer. By the sound of it, was it a piano? <em>

_Wait._

_Why would peaceful piano music be playing on a battleship?_

_I wrenched my eyes open, gasping as I sat up to find myself in a vast, green field. I registered a breeze smooth past my bare skin, and I looked down, shocked to see that I was wearing a skimpy, but simple white dress that barely came down to my knees. I never wear dresses. The last time I even wore a skirt was…no use. Can't remember. _

_My mind not working very efficiently due to the whole bizarreness of it all, I stupidly turned my head slowly back towards the sound of the piano that was continuing to play. As if it couldn't get any weirder, my mouth fell open when I saw, a couple hundred feet away from me, a large, grand piano sitting in the field, an unknown person sitting at the bench as they played the beautiful music. _

_This had to be a dream. It had to. _

_I stood up, and awkwardly walking in my small dress, crossed the distance to the piano, where I boldly went to the right side of it, leaning on it as I peered into the pianist's face. And that's when I knew that this had to be a dream. It wasn't because there was a piano sitting in a field, or that I was suddenly, mysteriously transported to the said field, or that I, Lilia Axelman was, heaven forbid, wearing a dress. It was because I knew that dead people didn't just come back to life. _

_I scrutinized the face of the pianist, who seemed almost comically oblivious to my intense stare as he continued to manipulate the keys of the piano, evoking the gorgeous sound that was now coming out from right next to me._

_I had never, ever, even once seen him before in my life, but I knew exactly who he was._

"Nicol Amalfi_."_

_The music abruptly stopped as the boy's hands froze mid-movement. He slowly turned his head upwards to face me, giving me the full effect of his brilliant hazel eyes. His green hair shined like emeralds in the distant sun. His portrait was perfected as he shaped his lips into a warm smile._

"_Hello."_

_His voice. It was not too masculine, but had a firm ring to it that told you he was sincere. _

_Although I had managed to speak his name, my body had froze, and I could only stare at his face with my mouth hanging open, most likely giving my appearance a look of one akin to a cow. _

_He giggled slightly with a glance at my face, and resuming his playing without even looking at his fingers, said, "Lilia, right?"_

_The question made me snap out of my daze._

"_You…you know my name…" I whispered, ever more confused._

"_Of course I do," he replied nonchalantly, fingers dancing across the keyboard, "I know a lot about you, Lilia. Maybe even more than you do yourself."_

_I thought I saw a look of slight sadness cross his features as he said the last words, but it was gone so swiftly I thought it had been imagined._

_Nicol stopped playing again, and stood up. _

"_Come," he said, motioning with his arm, "let's go sit and talk, shall we?"_

_I wordlessly followed him as he walked a few feet out into the vast meadow before plopping down onto the grass. I mimicked his action, carefully tucking my legs underneath me. _

_Nicol stretched out on his back, inhaling deeply before propping himself up on one elbow, facing me, a look of merriment twinkling in his eyes. _

"_So, sleeping in the same room as the guys, huh? Has Dearka made his move on you yet?" he asked in a joking manner. _

_I gave a small laugh. "I apparently don't fit his strict guidelines for his dream woman, so, no."_

_Nicol laughed as well, easily showing his rows of perfect, white, teeth. _

"_Are you getting along with them, though?" he prompted, staring at me._

"_I suppose," I mumbled, looking down. _

"_I've got to give it to you, though," he responded, slight laughter on the edge of his voice, "You're the first person I've seen that's got through to Yzak so fast. Bravo."_

_He tipped his head forward, motioning his hand with an imaginary hat. _

"_What do you mean? And you're watching us?" I asked, the questions spilling out._

_Nicol gave a soft smile. _

"_Yeah, I am. Everyday…And as for what I mean, I meant that no one has been able to break the ice with Yzak so quickly before, not even Dearka."_

"_Um…I wouldn't necessarily call bitching the other out every time we saw each other as 'breaking the ice'."_

_Nicol's pearly laughter rang out into the open._

"_Lilia, _Yzak Joule_ searched through a woman's bag like a perverted thief, fished out the said woman's bra, and snuck it over to her in the midst of two other men sleeping in the same room. I doubt he would do anything remotely even close to that for someone he didn't care for."_

"_Touché," I muttered in reply, "And please don't bring that abominable incident up. I'm still trying to forget about it."_

_I could tell Nicol was trying extremely hard to keep in the laughter, and with a look at his glittering eyes, I gave in. I burst out into giggles, prompting him to join me as we laid there on the grass, guffawing and gasping for breath like maniacs. All too soon, though, the laughter subsided, and I stared into the sky as I laid on my back, feeling giddy inside. We lay like that for a while quietly, neither talking. I appreciated it. Silence was comfortable with Nicol; maybe even more so than it was with Athrun. When I could feel the after-effects of my giggling spree finally drain out of my system, I realized there was a question burning in my throat. Perhaps burning from the moment I had laid eyes on Nicol and recognized who he was._

"_Nicol," I whispered._

"_Hmm?"_

"_Do you…hate him?"_

"_Him?"_

_I gulped._

"_Him. Kira…Yamato…"_

_There was no response for a long minute, and I took a tentative peek at his face. His eyes were closed. _

_After a few minutes, I had given up and thought he had fallen asleep when he spoke again._

"_You guys do. You guys hate him."_

_I felt something stab at my heart at his words._

_He sat up, his expression somber, and continued. _

"_Because I died, I only made it worse. At the time, I only wanted to save Athrun. I didn't care what happened to me. But now I see that because of what I did, I chained all of you to this disgusting cycle of hatred and revenge. I'm sorry."_

_I sat up too, lost for words, waiting for him to speak again._

_Nicol sighed, then took a deep breath. _

"_In answer to your question: no, I don't hate him. You see, when you're over here, you can see everything. I haven't been watching just you, you know. I think I understand Kira as a person now; not just as some unnamed enemy we're indoctrinated to hate called the 'Strike'. And after looking at you for a while, Lilia, I doubt that you truly hate Kira Yamato from your heart as well."_

_I looked down, unable to look straight into his eyes for fear he would see right through me. But it was in vain; this boy must know everything there was to know about me. _

_I started when I felt a soft touch to my hand. I looked up to see Nicol close in front of me, both hands clasped around my right one._

"_Please, Lilia," he breathed, a look of desperation clouding his peaceful looks, "learn to forgive. Teach _them_ how to forgive."_

_I raised my eyebrows, giving him a silent message of helplessness._

"_You have the innate gentleness that all females have; that's why girls are smarter, right? They understand that to forgive is strength, not a weakness."_

_He gave a smile, squeezing my hand lightly._

"_You're a hundred times gentler then I ever could be," I murmured childishly, lost in his gaze. _

_His eye twitched amusedly at that, and deepened his smile. I joined in, smiling despite of myself. Something about him just put you at peace. I could understand why Athrun treasured him so. _

_Appearing to hear something I couldn't, Nicol blinked for a moment, then said to me, "It's almost time to go back, Lilia."_

"_What?"_

"_Time for you to go back home."_

"_Oh…"_

_I stared sadly at the green-haired boy in front of me, already missing him. He laughed at my expression, then moved swiftly forward, pulling me into a tight embrace. I held him close, breathing in his pleasant scent and enjoying the warmth that emanated from him. _

"_I'm watching over you guys. Always," he whispered into my ear sincerely._

_I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see it. After a long moment, he broke apart from me, forcing me to reluctantly let go of the hold I had on him. He stepped back from me, his expression morphing into a mischievous grin. I cocked my head at him in confusion._

"_Oh," he responded lightly, already shaking with unborn laughter, "I was just thinking you should wear that dress in front of the other three guys. It'd be funny to see their reactions."_

_I rolled my eyes at the greenhead grinning from ear to ear. I was about to reply when I suddenly realized that he was fading. Whipping my head side to side I realized the whole landscape was fading as well. _

_Nicol toned down his grin, leaving it at the kind, warm smile that glowed. _

"_Bye, Lilia," he called softly, "remember to stay true to yourself no matter what happens. Especially when it concerns Chairman Zala."_

_The advice threw me off guard as I stared at him, speechless. _

_His form barely discernible now from fading, I saw his mouth curve up to a bigger grin again as he said, "Oh, and one more thing! Yzak. He likes you, you know."_

_My jaw dropped open. "What the hell do you-"_

_Everything disappeared at once, with one last, cheerful "Bye!" ringing into the open space that was now nothing. _

_All his final words swarming around in my mind like a butter churner, I clutched my head, confused. Why the stupid joke about Yzak? And why did he say such a thing about Master Zala? Did he know my future or something? "Stay true to yourself?" That's what I was doing by being with Master! What did Nicol want to say by that? Why did he…what…just what…_

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU MEAN-"

I yelped in pain, unable to finish my sentence as I clutched my head. I looked around in confusion. I was no longer in the huge, grassy field, nor in the white blank of nothingness that emerged when Nicol faded away. I was in my bunk. So I had been sleeping? I realized that I must have sprung up in time with waking, gracefully smacking my head on the bunk above me.

"Uhhh…"

I looked to the left, gasping in shock to see Yzak standing at my bedside, peering at me with a confused expression.

"You…okay?"

Still completely, utterly confused, I nodded my head robotically.

Yzak gave me another look, then rolled his eyes. "Sounded like you were having one hell of a dream."

Dream.

Nicol.

"I…" I began, whispering.

Yzak cocked his eyebrow.

"Yes?"

I looked at his face again, staring into his azure gaze.

Yzak, liking me? Yeah, right. And Nicol Amalfi? A dream, indeed. My imagination could sure run wild sometimes.

"Nothing," I said simply, and Yzak gave me a resigned look, turning and walking back towards his bunk.

I relaxed back down on my pillow slowly, rubbing the spot on my head I had hit. What a weird dream it was. Maybe I had been fatigued too much this past week? But the dream; it had seemed so…so _real_. And Nicol. That kind of warmth and humanity was hard to come by just by simple imagination. I began absentmindedly humming the tune that Nicol had been playing on the piano when I woke up the field, idly fiddling with a piece of my hair.

I started when I realized Yzak was suddenly back next to my bunk again, peering down at me with a serious look on his face.

"How do you know that tune?" he asked softly, eyes never leaving my face.

"Umm, I…" I began uncomfortably, having no idea what to say.

"That was Nicol's song…" Yzak whispered in awe.

Shock engulfed my mind. This tune was real? Then how much were the other parts of the dream real?

"I…I must have heard it on a recording somewhere, sometime. Athrun or something," I babbled, saying whatever came to my mind first. "Where is he, anyway? Dearka, too." I sat up again, carefully.

Yzak narrowed his eyes at me but nevertheless answered, "In the hangar. I'm going there now. You should go check on the Loyalty, too."

With that, he turned and went out the doorway.

After sitting silently in my bunk for a good long minute, I pushed myself off, restoring my sheets and blanket to order, smoothing out the creases carefully. I quickly pulled on my uniform, combed out my disheveled hair and pulled it into a tight ponytail.

When I confirmed that I looked presentable, I followed Yzak's steps out the door, but paused at the doorway when a familiar scent snaked its way into recognition in my senses.

It was the pleasant scent of Nicol when I had embraced him.

Whipping my head around, I saw nothing but four bunks in the darkness, and a big ball of clothes stockpiled on Dearka's bunk. The scent was gone before I realized it.

My lips curled into a small smile as I proceeded out into the hallway, the door closing behind me.

What an imagination.

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><p><strong>Hey, so again I apologize for being suuuuuuupa late in updating! I'm terrible, I know. Sorry. D:<strong>

**Thank you to my reviewers: BadCommunication (yes, I am a fan! B'z forever! :DD), IgNighted, Arisa-chan, Guest (you are exactly right! Thanks for catching and getting that :'D)  
><strong>

**As for this "filler", this chapter was in a way inspired by a review that IgNighted left for me in one of the previous chapters, when you said that Lilia might have liked Nicol the most out of all the team members, and that it was sad that she would never meet him. Well, that left an impression on me and thus gave me the idea for this chapter. So, I suppose in a way, this chapter is dedicated to you, IgNighted! Thanks for the thought :D**

**As for whether the encounter between Lilia and Nicol really happened or not, allow me to quote from a wise wizard from one of my favorite book series: "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"**

**Till next chapter! ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Oh my god, this is so late I don't even know. So much has been happening in my life, not necessarily good, and so I have been very, very preoccupied. Also, I started university (which is a good thing lol) that has been basically MY LIFE. I've been sooooo busy. But I finally sat down and wrote this. I've been pretty excited to write this, as it introduces a character I've been dying to write, and the plot lines begin rolling. Please enjoy!**

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><p>"It's the Archangel! We're under attack!"<p>

Those were not the words I was hoping to be wakened with from an otherwise peaceful nap, but I immediately snapped awake. I looked over to see that Athrun was pulling his uniform coat on, striding over to the front of the small carrier, yelling for the pilot's attention.

I joined him, pulling my hair into the usual ponytail. This was bad, if the Archangel was tailing us. Still being under repair from the previous battle in space, the Aegis and Loyalty were being transported over to a ZAFT base in the Gulf of Mexico in this carrier, as the Vesalius had to tail the Archangel supposedly in the Pacific Ocean. Did that mean they failed? Where were they now?

The pilot frantically looked over at the two of us, ordering in panic, "Change into your pilot suits and get into your Gundams!"

"What do you mean," Athrun began, sounding angry, "our suits aren't even fixed yet, do you really expect us to fight-"

"No! Get in them, and escape!"

Athrun and I looked at each other, deliberating.

"Hey!"

We turned to see the pilot mentioning for us.

"I've got Captain LeCreuset on the line."

Leaning forward to be in the line of the camera, Athrun tilted the video screen so that I could see too. LeCreuset's masked face filled the screen, and I flinched when I heard his voice, more annoyed and angered then I could ever remember it being before.

"The Archangel tricked us into following a false path. We managed to figure it out before it got too far. I sent Dearka and Yzak. They'll be there soon. In the meantime, you and Lilia need to get off that carrier and secure the Gundams in a safe location. There are plenty of islands around here, find one!"

Before Athrun could even finish his "Yes, sir", LeCreuset cut off the link.

I took a deep breath, then rushed to the closet.

"Athrun!" I called, tossing him his pilot suit when he turned around. We quickly stripped off our uniforms and pulled on the pilot suits with experienced speed, finishing up just as an explosion rocked the carrier.

I fell over from the motion, landing heavily. Athrun quickly pulled me up, as I heard the pilot yell "Hurry!" once again. Pulling me forward with my hand in his, Athrun opened the door to the Gundam compartments and jumped, grabbing ahold of the wire lever dangling from the cockpit of the Aegis. Not trusting my agility in a location racked by explosions, I took the slow way with the stairs, running towards my Loyalty. Athrun waited for me to get in the cockpit before he closed his. The first thing that happened when I turned the Loyalty on was Athrun linking to me.

"Athrun, don't use the link signal, it'll make it easier for them to find-"

"I know," Athrun said. "I just wanted to say be careful. I'll see you soon, okay?"

He stared at me with a determined expression, and I nodded.

"Same to you…" I said softly, reaching forward to cut the link off.

The hatch to the Gundam compartment opened, and without anything to hold them up, the Loyalty and Aegis did a little free-fall out of the carrier. Taking a deep breath, I finally gathered my senses and took ahold of the clutch, my stomach turning as I swooped upward. I saw the Archangel in the distance, looming ominously. I turned to see the Aegis zoom off to the east, and taking Athrun's cue, revved up the engine as I sped the opposite way. The Archangel continued being in my line of sight to my annoyance, although that meant that it wasn't following Athrun. Did that mean Kira was…? Shaking my head, I evaded a blast from the side gun, cursing as it nicked the Loyalty's arm. With it still being in repair status, the Loyalty would not be able to go much farther. Looking down, I saw a small island in the distance, and a dark mass of gray and black near it. Gulping, I knew this was my only chance to shake off the Archangel. Checking my energy gauge one last time, I headed straight for the dark mass, knowing it was a storm. Rain soon consumed all 360-degree vision, and I could no longer see anything around me. A green blast out of nowhere missed the Loyalty by mere feet. I bit my lip in frustration. The Archangel was taking blind shots, now, huh? But they would never actually enter the storm. Assuming that, I proceeded forward for about ten minutes, until I came out to the other side. Finally free from all the rain and wind, I could see clearly, and saw that the island I had spotted earlier was looming right beneath me. One last check showed me that the Archangel was still on the other side of the storm. Feeling satisfied at my small success, I sped down towards the island, looking for a good place to station the Loyalty. Searching quickly, I soon found a location underneath a small cliff on the beach, and landed, turning off the Loyalty so as to conserve energy. I sighed and leaned back on my seat. What was I supposed to do now?

* * *

><p>The waves of the ocean swept in and out in a monotonous motion, hypnotizing me as I stared blankly at it. I was still stuck on this damn island. Sighing heavily, I snapped myself out of my daze and reached over to tweak the radio satellite signal for the thousandth time, but like all my other attempts, the uninterrupted static sound continued blissfully as ever. Knowing that whatever happened, it was still too early to get truly pissed, I held my feelings in check and slipped out of the cockpit, landing softly on the damp sand underneath. How long would I be stuck here? I didn't have enough food in my pack to last me even two days.<p>

"Damn-" I began, stopping abruptly mid-curse. I whipped my head towards the sound I had just heard. It was distinctively a rustle. All I could see were bushes and the forest that started a few feet away from the edge of the beach.

I wondered if I should venture forward to find out what it was, but then again, it could simply be an animal. It was an island, after all. However, my instinctive inner danger siren was going off. I stayed immobile in my spot, not knowing whether to move forward and investigate the noise or disregard it.

It all came very suddenly.

I took a tentative step forward, when a sudden mass of flesh sprang from behind the bushes, accompanied with a raw, strangled yell. Even with my Coordinator reflexes, I was unable to properly guard myself from the shocking attack, and before I could comprehend the situation, I was flat on my back with a stranger sitting on my stomach holding a raised knife that glinted in the distant sun. My mind finally clicked, and I swiftly kicked up my unrestrained legs, unbalancing the attacker for a mere second, giving me the chance to quickly roll away from him. Straightening up, I was finally able to get a good look at my attacker's face. As I had thought from the shape of the body from when he had sat on me moments before, it was a guy. He couldn't have been that much older than me, too. With his auburn hair and pale blue eyes, there wasn't much distinctive about him. Except for the look on his face that was full of nervousness, yet unmistakable look of hatred directed towards me, whilst the hands holding the knife trembled in front of him. As well as his uniform with the Earth Alliance emblem decorating it.

Once again, before I made the move, he pounced. I was ready this time, though. I caught him mid-lunge, each hand tight around his torso. Flinging him backward, he made a rough "Oomph!" as his back made contact with the sand. Twisting around so that I was the one sitting on top of him this time, I extended my left leg so that it was pinning down his left arm flat on the ground. Doing the same to his right arm with my other leg, I reached over to the hand clenching the knife. As soon as he saw what I was planning, he jerked in a sudden spasm, clamping his teeth together in an effort to throw me off. Thrown off balance from his gradually strengthening jerks, I jumped off him, trying to think of new ways to disarm him. When worst came to worst, I could always run back to the Loyalty…

Sweat pouring down his face, the boy slowly edged forward, brandishing the small knife almost desperately. He could at least _try _to not look that frightened. I almost felt pity for the guy. He obviously thought that he was no match for a Coordinator, even if it was a female. Well, time to prove him right.

Determined to not let him lead the fight, I made the first move this time, lunging forward in a blatant fashion. Getting close enough to hear his ragged breathing, I suddenly swerved to the right, a move too fast for a Natural to copy, and grabbed his right arm, the one holding the knife. Caught by surprise by the feint, he attempted to get ahold of me, but it was too late. In the second I had grabbed him, he had dropped the knife, and while he was still trying to recover from the shock, I had caught the knife as it fell. In a burst of energy, I kicked his legs back, and knocked him back down on the sand. In order to have better control of him this time, I laid my whole body against his, determined to not let him move an inch. I raised his knife high, ready to deliver the demise he was about to give me a few minutes earlier.

With the knife high above my head, I was about to bring it down on his neck, when I paused. The guy. His face. The moment he saw my arm muscles tense in order to bring down the weapon, he had closed his eyes, as if in acceptance of his fate. In the one second that had passed, he had given up on his life, and all the tremors I had felt previously coming from him stopped like a music player on pause. The only part that betrayed his human emotions were the silent tears that streamed down his cheeks from his closed lids. Faltering, with the knife still high above my head, I heard all the screams of the people I had killed in battle, all the screams begging for mercy, and from pain and terror. Almost as if on its own, my left hand slithered onto the boy's chest, stopping over his heart. As real as the world was, his heartbeat resonated against my palm; a proud, majestic rhythm that signified life. I looked at his face again, my eyes passing over his closed eyes, his pale skin, his pink lips, his pulsing neck, and I knew I couldn't do it. I slowly lowered the knife to my side.

Sensing that something was amiss, the boy opened his eyes, almost reluctantly, and stared at me, confused. I stared back, just as confused, and we stayed like that for a while, with me on top of him, eyes locked on each other like lovers.

Finally, he opened his mouth and I heard him talk for the first time. "Not gonna kill me?"

His voice sounded oddly soothing; not too low and not too high pitched.

I met his question with silence, continuing to stare at him.

Seeming to gain confidence from my passivity, he tried again in a louder voice, "Hey, do you understand what I'm saying? Do you know what language I'm speaking?"

With a fluid movement, I got up, a hand on his chest to push myself off his body. My movement seemed to frighten him; I felt him twitch as soon as I moved a single muscle. Continuing to ignore him, I turned my back to him, confident he wouldn't, or couldn't, attack me, and flung his knife as far as I could out into the sea.

When I turned around to face him once again, he was staring at me with a hard expression.

"If you're going to kill me, could you please do it now?" he said in an icy voice.

Holding back all the responses I could have given him, I kept silent, and instead turned by back on him, walking back towards my Gundam.

"Wait! Hey!" he called.

I continued walking.

"Fine, ignore me! But can you at least tell me why you spared me?"

I stopped.

Turning around, I looked him squarely in the eye and replied utterly honestly, "I looked at your face, and I couldn't."

Whatever he was expecting, it certainly wasn't that. Looking perplexed, he raised his eyebrows.

I was about to turn around once again, but I paused. What was I supposed to do with this guy? Even if he didn't have his knife, he would probably try to find a way to kill me. Despite my earlier confidence that he wouldn't attack me, I began doubting myself. Should I tie him up? He was still only a few feet away from me. If I jumped suddenly, I could probably do it…

Surprising me with his high perceptiveness, the boy said dryly, "If you think I'm going to kill you or something, I won't. I have no weapon."

When I stayed silent, he continued, "And you don't seem to have one, either. Weird."

I realized that he was commenting on the empty hand gun holder at my waist. I instinctively covered it with my hand. I had never carried my gun there. Athrun and the others did, but I had never felt the need to. Now I understood why.

"It's in my Gundam..." the words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

I realized my mistake a split-second too late. Although it was only for a second, an unmistakable look of shock, resolve and determination crossed his features. He covered it immediately, placing back on his mask of impassiveness, but I didn't miss it. As soon as he knew a weapon was available, this guy would be ready to kill me. The crash of thunder stopped my train of thought, as I looked overhead. Almost as if in response, a thick sheet of rain began falling from the sky.

"Ugh…" I groaned, as the ridiculous amount of rain drenched me within seconds. A storm was brewing. And that meant it would now be impossible to catch _any_ radio signal. I glanced over to the boy, who looked equally discouraged as I was at the rain and looking around for cover.

I didn't know why I called out to him, but I did. Maybe it was the fact that we weren't in all-out mobile suit battle that made me not care as much that he was a member of the enemy. Either way, I heard myself call out, "Hey! There's a cave over here!"

He whipped his head around, giving me a brief look of suspicion, before contorting it into a half-smile. We both figured out at the same time that two could play at this game. This game of pretend-ceasefire.

I waited for him to run up to me, and then we walked side-by-side towards the cave that was situated behind the Loyalty. I pretended not to notice the obvious look he gave the Loyalty, and even more so when his eyes smoldered in hate for a moment.

I started up a fire, shivering in my completely drenched pilot suit, then reluctantly went back out in the rain to climb into the cockpit of the Loyalty. I tweaked the dial absentmindedly, and expectedly, received no signal whatsoever. Sighing, I reached for my blanket and small pack of food and was about to leave when I saw my hand gun resting underneath my seat, half of it sticking out. The image of the boy's face when I had stupidly slipped out that a gun was in the Loyalty emerged in my mind. Shaking my head, I pushed the gun further in, so that it wasn't visible anymore.

I slid down to the ground with a splash and dashed into the cave, where the warm, welcome fire gave off lively snaps and crackles. The guy looked up as I came in, an unreadable expression on his face. He shivered as he inched closer to the fire. I tossed him the blanket that I kept in the cockpit.

He caught it by reflex, as he said in a surprised voice, "But what about you-"

"You're the one not wearing a shirt," I said, pointing out to his uniform shirt drying over the fire on a stick.

"I can't really take off this suit to dry," I continued, "and I don't want to get my only blanket wet by covering myself with it. So use it."

I pulled down the zipper in front of my suit as I talked, wanting to be relieved as much as I could by the tightness of it. The boy's cheeks turned beet red as I did so.

"Oh, please," I scoffed, lying down on one side and propping myself up on one arm, facing the boy.

He looked down, the color slowly ebbing away from his face. He eyed the food I had brought suspiciously.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not poisoned."

He looked at me. Then, without a second notice, delved in and began devouring the beef jerky and stale crackers at a rate only possible for male teens. I sighed. I guess that gender similarity didn't matter whether you were a Natural or a Coordinator.

He left half of it untouched, and I was mildly impressed at his willpower, as he definitely still looked hungry. He pushed the rest towards me. I responded with a slight upward curve of my lips. But I was growing tired, not hungry. A long moment of silence lasted between us. Finally, the boy spoke up, "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This. Letting me live, giving me food, lending me your blanket, et cetera."

I stared at him, honestly perplexed.

"I…I really don't know," I finally answered, resigned. "In all honesty, I'm kind of confused myself. I'd advise you to shut your mouth soon, though, otherwise I might change my mind."

He narrowed his eyes at that, but looked otherwise unimpressed.

"I bet if I was in a mobile suit you wouldn't think twice before killing me," he said cynically, pointing backward towards the entrance of the cave, where my Loyalty was stationed.

"Probably not," I murmured softly.

The boy looked surprised. "So you're not going to even deny it?"

I felt pain in my chest and knew that it must be guilt clawing at my heart.

"No," I simply stated in a monotone.

He fell silent after that. I inched closer to the fire drowsily, my fatigue getting the better of me. My head continually slid off the hand it was propped up on as I nodded off, and I finally gave up and lied down, resting my cheek on the cold, stone floor of the cave. Shivering involuntarily, my eyelids fluttered close.

_There was a sea. There was a storm. It was dark. It was windy. It was loud. It was wet. But more than anything, it was _cold_. The sheer bleakness of it all was overpowering. I was running from something, but what was it? My feet hurt. My head hurt. My stomach hurt. Everything hurt. The crash of waves was the sound of my death sentence; I had to hurry, or else! But where was I going? Where could I go? If I didn't hurry, the thing that would be waiting for me, was…The thought of it brought on intense nausea, and I had to stop to control my breathing. No! What was I doing? Keep going, get up, go! Go! GO! The pelting rain felt like bullets, creating a thick curtain that only made progress slower. Lightning struck, illuminating everything for a small moment. All I could see were the silhouettes of the surrounding trees, and the thin, pale, ghostly pair of legs covered in ghastly bruises that belonged to me, carrying me forward. Thunder immediately followed, the cracking and booming sounding like a grotesque fanfare. This was my death march. Even the weather was making light of me. It was unsympathetic and cruel. Tears ran down my face, causing more winces from the salty liquid seeping into the open injuries on my face. No, this wasn't a death march. To die was a blessing, a way out. What was waiting for me was not death, but more pain. More pain, darkness, and cold. I heard an earsplitting shriek, and jumped, before I realized it was myself. Blood poured from my lip as I bit down on it in an attempt to silence myself. They would find me now. Wait, they? Who is "they"? Who was I running from? I'm so confused. Help me. Please. I'm scared. Someone, save me from this hell. Someone! The sound of footsteps from behind signaled that the chase was over. I crumbled to the ground, sobbing for mercy. Lilia doesn't want this. Please, someone save Lilia. Lilia is scared. Lilia hurts. Lilia doesn't want to go back there. Because what's waiting for me there is…My lips quivered as I spoke for the first time "A-…". I felt rough arms grab me from behind. I arched back, howling out into the sky like a wolf:_

"_AZRAEL!"_

I woke with a loud gasp, my eyes blinded by tears. I was covered in cold sweat, and my breathing was close to the point of hyperventilation. I had always had weird dreams, many of them creepy ones, but this one was on a whole new level. The sheer realness of it all was appalling. The sense of being chased and being utterly helpless…I suddenly realized I was shivering badly, and the tears were continually clouding my eyes. Without thought, I moved my lips, forming the name that I had awoken with screaming.

"Azrael…"

The name felt like a sting, and I felt a sudden, irrational urge to wash out my mouth. The name sounded so familiar, but where I had I heard it before? My heavy, sleep-ridden brain finally clicked as another crash of thunder sounded. I winced at the noise, the horrifying sequence in my dream coming back in a rush. Muruta Azrael. The leader of Blue Cosmos.

I took a slow, deep breath, trying to register everything. Master's ultimate enemy, Azrael. His name had always caused a reaction of disgust in myself, but this was the first time I had woken up from a dream screaming his name, for crying out loud. I shook my head, trying to control the shivering tremors of my body, when I finally realized why I was so cold. The cave was dark. The fire was out.

Gasping, I jumped up to my feet, rounding around to the other side of the fire pit. A lone, discarded blanket was abandoned in a heap near the wall. The boy was nowhere to be found. The horrifying realization hit me as I ran to the entrance of the cave, only to be confronted by the confirmation of my suspicions. I saw the boy emerge out of the cockpit of the Loyalty, jumping lithely to the ground. Although blurred by the pelting rain, I could clearly see my gun in his hands. I tried to move, but I couldn't. My muscles frozen, I could only watch as the boy walked closer and closer, until he finally saw me through the thick curtain of rain. Our eyes met for a long second, in which the boy paused. My jaw finally seemed to unstick, and I moved my mouth.

"What are you doing?"

The question was stupid. My voice sounded frail, weak.

The boy's eyes widened for a second, before narrowing and glaring at me. He advanced forward, pointing the gun at me.

"I'm going to kill you."

Of course. Why else would he sneak out into my Gundam to get my gun? Stupid, stupid Lilia. I slowly backed away with each step he took closer, my feet robotically moving backward. The boy's eyes never left mine, our gazes glued to each other as we slowly moved into the cave. I was forced to an abrupt stop when my back hit the far wall of the cave. Still feeling rather weak, my legs gave out at the impact and I fell to my knees. The boy continued advancing forward until he hovered right above me, the weapon aimed at my head.

"I'm going to kill you," he repeated softly.

I looked up at the boy, unable to tear my eyes away from his piercing gaze. All I could see in his eyes were hatred, and a wish for revenge. Seeming irked by my silence, the boy suddenly kicked me in the side, knocking me over. I gasped as I hit the cold floor, feeling helpless.

"I'm going to do what you can't do!"

I turned my head feebly upward to see him seething in anger, an almost crazed look clouding his features.

"You!" he spat, the gun shaking in his hands, "You're weak! A weak Coordinator who can't do shit unless they're on a mobile suit! You act all tough and mighty, but when it comes down to it, you see the face of the actual person you're killing and you _can't fucking do it_. Shielded by your mobile suit, all the time! How many people have you killed with your Gundam, huh?"

He prodded me with his foot roughly with the question, the gun inching closer to my face all the while.

"That's right, you can't answer! You don't know, do you? You're weak! _Weak._ Can't even handle the guilt of killing one damn person with your own hands!"

Breathing heavily, I slowly managed to sit up, holding my side where the boy had kicked me gingerly. I couldn't bear to even look at his face anymore, the truth paining me more than the bruise forming on my side. I heard a soft thump, and looked up to see the boy kneeled down in front of me, tears now pouring out of his eyes. He looked like an absolute madman right now. An absolute, psychotic madman who was speaking reason.

"It fucking _kills me_," he seethed, his hot tears falling on me as he leaned forward, "to think that my family was murdered just _mindlessly_ by some heartless bastard controlling a machine. Because that's what you all Coordinators are! _Heartless bastards!"_

I cringed away, shutting my eyes reflexively as I saw him raise his hand with the gun towards me. He had not even given me enough time to accept my demise; my pathetic, stupid death at the hands of a crazy Natural. The thought had barely left my mind when I realized that no gunshot had sounded, and I opened my eyes, confused, to see the boy a few feet away, standing up. His crazed gaze was still directed at me, but the gun was not anymore. In horror, I saw him raise the gun slowly to his own head.

"I hope all Coordinators are _exterminated_," he breathed frighteningly.

In a panic, I tried to stand up, willing my frozen muscles to move.

The boy locked eyes on me once again, and whispered icily, "I'm going to do what you couldn't do."

Time seemed to move slowly, as the boy closed his eyes and tightened his finger around the trigger.

In a burst of energy, I lunged forward screaming, "NO!"

I felt a biting pain sear my right arm as the crack of the gunshot nearly deafened me. The fall seemed surreal; it only registered as real to me when I finally felt the impact of colliding with the floor.

I inched my tightly shut eyes open, only to find myself face to face with the boy. He was staring at me, his eyes widened in shock, tears still leaking out of them. For the third time that day, I was on top of him as we lay on the ground, soaked from the rain and sweat, breathing heavily. I felt an unknown, relieving surge of emotion course through me as I heard him take a ragged breath. We lay there, faces mere centimeters apart, staring at each other as if they were the only things the existed in the world. I saw a tear streak down his cheek, mixing with a small drop of blood that was there. I watched as the water mixed with the red, fascinated by the mixture of color. Without thinking, I reached my right hand up and gently stroked the droplet away from his face. The touch seemed to wake the boy up, as his facial expression snapped out of the shock and he sat up, pushing me roughly away from him. I grunted as I fell off of him, and quickly put my guard back up, staring at him cautiously.

The boy took a couple of breaths, before speaking.

"Why…did you do that…"

I could only give him a sad look, not trusting myself enough to speak. The adrenaline slowly drained out of my system, and I felt suddenly, very weak. If he tried to do anything funny now, I wouldn't be able to stop it.

"You could have died!" he yelled suddenly. "I don't understand! I don't understand…I don't…"

He trailed off, staring at me in disbelief and confusion. I sighed, squinting at the darkness outside. The storm was still raging. The wind flew into the cave, and my hair swirled around my face, hiding my vision. As I lifted my arm to move the hair out of my face, a searing pain coursed through me and I winced, dropping my arm heavily.

The boy twitched at my voice, and, looking shocked, said, "I hurt you…"

I glanced down at my left arm to see a small line cutting through the uniform.

"Not even," I stated simply, "it's just a graze."

The boy moved forward towards me, and when I looked up, I saw that his gaze was unclouded and clear once again. He knelt down in front of me, touching my arm as he said sincerely, "Let me take care of this, please."

One final, residual tear slipped out from his right eye, and I reached out to gently brush it away. He didn't flinch from my touch, his unwavering gaze still on me.

I lowered my hand, and lost in his eyes, slowly nodded.

He worked smoothly, quickly, and with gentle hands. He was obviously experienced, and I was mildly impressed as he finished up dressing the wound with a white cloth. Tying the cloth with a final knot, he looked up at me with an unreadable expression.

"Thank you…" I said softly.

The boy looked surprised at my words, and moving away from me slightly, nodded in acknowledgement. A long moment of silence passed between us, when he spoke up finally.

"I'm sorry."

Now it was my turn to be surprised.

"Why?" I asked tentatively.

"I turned all my blind rage against you. It's not like you were the one who hurt my family. I'm sorry."

I took in his words slowly, making sure I understood everything. I spoke again with caution.

"You said you were going to kill me," I said softly, "so why did you suddenly point the gun at yourself?"

The boy looked pained as I said my words.

"I was going to kill you…" he admitted after a moment, "but then I thought that killing myself in front of you would affect you more. You keep me alive, yet I just take your weapon and do the deed myself… It was to spite you."

I looked down, unable to respond.

"I wish," the boy began, "I just wish we weren't in a world where we're obligated to hate each other. You're just another human being with emotions like all the rest of us, right?" He looked at me, voice and expression heavy in a way that only tragic old men's should be.

When I didn't answer, he pressed again, "Do you hate all Naturals?"

The question struck me. Did I hate all Naturals? I recalled the moment on television forever imprinted on my mind, the one of Junius 7 exploding. I remembered the pain on Athrun's face and Master's incurable grief.

"Yes," I answered impassively.

The boy sighed as he looked down, hiding his most likely disappointed expression.

"…but," I continued, "I don't hate you."

The boy looked up once again at me. Despite the nature of the conversation and what had just happened between us, he burst out laughing. The absurdity of the situation was outrageous. Here we were, Natural and Coordinator previously just at each other's throats. And now here we were, him tending to my wound and laughing hysterically at the mention that I hated everyone in his race except him. Enticed by his wild laughter, I joined in, feeling oddly refreshed as I laughed my heart out.

Our laughter sounded doubly louder as I realized the rain had finally let up.

* * *

><p>I woke up to a ray of sun shining through the entrance of the cave. Yawning, I slowly sat up, pushing the blanket off of me. Wait, blanket? Looking down, I gave a double take to see the boy lightly snoozing right next to me under the same blanket. I rubbed my head to recall the events yesterday. I vaguely remembered falling asleep, after the weird laughter attack, under the same blanket as the boy, under the consensus that we would die from cold if we didn't stick together, quite literally.<p>

I stared at the boy, a feeling of wonder arising inside of myself. I didn't look away, even when I saw his eyes twitch and finally open. He locked his gaze on mine upon waking up, and smiling slightly, said "Good morning."

The normality of the greeting was amusing, and I smiled in return. The boy stood up suddenly to stretch, and with a look out the entrance of the cave ran outside.

"Hey!" he called, "It's beautiful out here today! No more storm!"

I folded up the blanket and stood up, stretching my muscles. No more storm, indeed. I walked outside as well, feeling the cool yet pleasant breeze brush my face.

"Ah!" I exclaimed suddenly. The boy looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"The radio signal, it should be working now!" I said, making a turn to climb up to the cockpit of the Loyalty.

"Hey, wait!"

I turned to see the boy looking at me with a sad smile. Confused by his expression, I let go of the wire lever and faced him fully.

"Um," he began, "so I got stranded on the other side of this island. If I get found, it'll be where I left my craft, on the other side."

"Oh," I said simply.

"So…I think I should go over there, now. My friends are going to be looking for me now that the storm is over."

"Oh," I stupidly repeated.

"So…" the boy started, looking equally uncomfortable, "…bye."

He turned around, heading towards the forest he had sprung out of when I first met him yesterday. Speechless, I saw him walk away, feeling like I should say something, anything. What would I say? Bye? Thank you? The realization that there really was nothing to say to him almost saddened me. This is how it should be. We were enemies. In fact, this whole incident would be a secret, a secret only to be known to the two of us forevermore. So I shouldn't have been relieved when he turned around, calling for me. But I was. The emotional tie that had been created between the two of us yesterday was real.

"Hey!" he yelled to me, skipping back to where I was. His expression was completely changed. He no longer looked awkward, but happy and cheerful. Hopeful, even. Warmth coursed through me as I realized he was doing this for me. Trying to answer back to his efforts, I smiled back, as warmly as I could.

He stuck his right hand at me. "My name is Alexander Dyno."

"…What?" I asked, surprised. I certainly was not expecting this.

"Alexander. Except I go by Alex. My name is Alex Dyno. What's yours?"

I softened my eyes, and grasped his right hand with mine firmly.

"Lilia. Just…Lilia."

For that moment, I didn't want to be affiliated with ZAFT or anything. I wanted to be me. Lilia. Just Lilia.

Alex shook my hand, beaming at me.

"Bye, Lilia!"

I let go of his hand as I said, "Bye, Alex."

With a final smile, he gently tucked a string of hair behind my ear, before turning around and taking off for the woods. I stared at his retreating back, missing the warmth of his hand. Ignoring the sting inside of my heart at the knowledge that I would never see him again, I turned towards the Loyalty and climbed up into the cockpit.

Getting into my seat, I tweaked the dial of the radio to the right, and immediately caught a bit of signal. Breathing a sigh of relief, I moved the dial, attempting to find the source, as all I could hear at the moment were bits of scratchy words. Working quickly, I soon found the right signal, and basked momentarily in the familiar voice yelling for me.

"Axelman! Axelman, answer! Are you dead? Damn woman, I'll kill you!"

My lips curved upward. Better answer quickly. Yzak was an impatient man.

I reached forward to contact to the Dual, and spoke.

"Lilia Axelman, reporting for duty."

* * *

><p><strong>Sup, guys.<br>**

**Again, soooo sorry. I haven't been updating my other fic as well and I need to get my ass working on it. Life can be so mean sometimes...  
><strong>

**Anyway, I purposely named Alex Dyno "Alex Dyno" and yes it is the same name that Athrun chooses for his alias in gundam seed destiny, but there is a reason for that so yeahhh. All will be revealed soooooooon. As always, please leave a review, they always make updating worth it and I love hearing from you guys!  
><strong>

**Thank you to Kagome1230, BadCommunication, Guest, IgNighted, gOthiCkUrOcHo69, and Finalfan21 for reviewing!  
><strong>

**Until the next chapter!  
><strong>


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